When the Day of Reckoning Arrives At Last

The day this Substack essay is scheduled to drop is the day I deliver my first TEDx talk in front of a live audience in Washington, DC, videotaped for posterity.

There are no take-backs on this one. No do-overs. No opportunities to say: “Um, never mind.”

But I have ample time to reflect on how I got here. As the Queen of the Doubt Monster Realm, I have battled unceasingly and, I might add, courageously over many years to arrive at this point.

I don’t wish to gloss over this: My journey to this point has been long, hard, and filled with despair and uncertainty.

Twenty years ago, I was so terrified of speaking before a small group of my peers, I shook violently during a practice session.

Forty years ago, my self-confidence in my ability as a writer was so shattered, I became incapable of meeting monthly deadlines at the trade magazine where I worked full-time.

Forty-five years ago, I gave up early on the first draft of my first novel because I couldn’t believe I had it in me to write it.

Sixty years ago, I battled anorexia—a complex disease with complex origins. Suffice it to say, I struggled mightily with deep-seated feelings of inadequacy. Simply put: The young person I was, wasn’t good enough.

Returning to the present day…

I’m taking an enormous risk, personally and creatively. I’m forced to trust myself, my capacity to stand and deliver—quite literally. I’m all I have—and I must be enough.

I am enough. Better than that, even.

What a long, strange trip it’s been.

Doubt remains…but so does the determination to overcome it.