This morning, I confidently stated that I felt good about my PhD. This afternoon, I cried in public over it. Ah, the duality of the grad student.
I was sitting in one of my favourite local cafés with a cohort of remote-working strangers, all tapping away at our laptops. At this stage of thesis writing, I have a dense list of tasks to get through each day. Today, I made the mistake of going off path: I opened a chapter which both of my supervisors had given feedback on that I’d yet to read through. This was not one of today’s tasks; I was supposed to be drafting a completely different chapter, knowing that I’d rather have a full thesis draft ready before I start revising anything. But alas, I found myself too tempted to look. Encouraged by positive emails letting me know that the feedback was there, I thought to myself, don’t get bogged down, just have a quick scroll through.
Reader: this was a mistake.
Below, I reflect on criticism, exhaustion, and the surprisingly emotional experience of reaching the end of a four-year project.
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