Did I do it? Was I brave anyway?

Hello friends and looky-loos, even though thinking about you as a wonderfully flawed human helps me humanize myself, I do feel bad if you’re anything like me at all, because that probably means—

You could stand to be a little kinder to yourself.

Ew. Yuck. I know. I don’t like it either. In fact, even now, even though I’ve been called out as “hard on myself” many times and in several ways the last few weeks, I still, still, STILL have to asterisk my reminder of yeah, okay, I could go a little easier on myself with

*but not too easy, Amy.

Because I want to give myself mercy and grace.

But I also MUST. REMAIN. VIGILANT.

If you do this to yourself, I’m sorry and wish you wouldn’t. But I also understand.

Let’s go take a nap!

Okay, better?

Anyway. I’d been throwing a helluva pity party for myself for the last few months because, well, I wasn’t doing the ANYWAY part of performing anyway. Even though I showed up to anything I’d been booked for, anything where I had to be my own engine, I sputtered out. And once I let myself get away with giving in to anxiety and/or choosing comfort over growth, it just got easier and easier to do so.

Why, exactly, doesn’t facing stage fright work the same way?? Like, shouldn’t it get easier? As far as I can tell, and according to some other worry machines I know who still brave the stage, it doesn’t get easier. The symptoms don’t go away. If you’re lucky, you get better at tolerating it. I hear Nick Kroll’s voice here, saying good at tolerating. Yeah, yeah, okay, fine, imaginary Nick Kroll. I’m trying.

Mostly.

So I was feeling sorry for myself and also like a complete failure, and also kinda sorta correctly recognizing where I was leading myself astray, but also not feeling up to the task of rectifying it, and so, so guilty for everything I was doing wrong and just completely forgetting something important:

How brave I’ve been this year.

Yeah, I’m saying it! I went from ZERO times performing on stage to like, what, TEN times??? Maybe more? That’s not nothing.

That’s something.

I also helped build two live event storytelling shows from nada and threw in a newsletter and a podcast for some good old-fashioned type 2 pain. I’ve never been this busy or in charge of so many things in my life.

PSST: Wondering if you’re a productive procrastinator? Here’s how you find out: Tell yourself you want to face your fear of letting yourself exist in the world by becoming a public speaker. Now, look around. Did a burgeoning live storytelling empire taking up all your time and energy (in the most pleasantly valid way) rise up around you? Congratulations! You’re a productive procrastinator!

Thanks to my buddy Keith for reminding me. And I don’t even think he was shittin’ me, I think he really was congratulating me on all I’ve done, what I have, EMPIRICALLY, faced. And it was nice, you know? Letting his kindness in so I could feel some of my own.

And maybe that’s the surest sign of growth I’ve got for myself. Because, even two years ago, I wouldn’t have been able to hear that maybe I’ve been doing okay, because all I could ever really let myself hear before was that I wasn’t perfect.

(Check out

for funsies).

So, yay.

Progress.

Maybe I finally have the emotional intelligence of an average adult??

I’ll agree to that. With an asterisk.

So, yes, I am putting on the Ladypants and accepting I’ve done a fantastic job and now it’s time to keep going.

And that’s what I’m gonna do!

Lots of brave, brave stuff for 2026, okay, besties? Maybe even *gulp* facing a giant fear replete with umpteen tons of emotional baggage?!? (STAY TUNED!) Let’s do it together, okay? Because you are a lot like me, and that means-

You deserve a little kindness! SMOOOOOCH!

xoxo,

Amy Bee