When Depletion Feels Like Awakening

There was a time in my life when I was raw vegan, practicing yoga excessively, immersed in all things spirituality and deeply attuned to “signs.”

From the outside, looking through the lens of Ayurveda it would seem obvious: this is a recipe for Vata imbalance. Light, cold, dry foods. Excess movement. Excess air. Excess ether.

And yet, I didn’t experience anxiety in the way I would now expect. I’ve wondered in the years since “How did I get out of that scot free” Maybe it was my young age? Maybe it was just my path?!

I felt expansive. Intuitive. Connected.

Or at least, that’s how I interpreted it.

Looking back now, I can see something more nuanced was happening.

My perception of reality became increasingly fixated on intuition, manifestation, synchronicity. I was making meaning from every glance, every number sequence, every interaction. I felt guided.

But I was also depleted. Despite eating nothing but “superfoods” salads and smoothies. This is what I believed it was to eat healthily.

I was under-nourished at a cellular level. Untethered in my body. Hyper-vigilant in my nervous system.

And what I now understand is this:

Sometimes Vata imbalance doesn’t play out as panic.
Sometimes it manifests as magical thinking.

When the body is not properly nourished; when bio-available protein is low, saturated fats are missing, blood sugar is unstable, minerals are depleted; the nervous system does not ‘read the room’ as safe.

Safety is not a mindset.
It is metabolic.

The nervous system can only down-regulate when the body knows it is fed.

When that safety is missing, the system goes into vigilance. And vigilance doesn’t always look like fear. Sometimes it looks like scanning.

Scanning for threats.
Scanning for meaning.
Scanning for reassurance.

My spirituality at that time became a form of orientation. A way to feel held when my body did not feel grounded. I found belonging in cosmic narratives because I was, in truth, untethered from physical nourishment.

The stories created coherence.

If everything was a sign, then nothing was random.
If everything was divinely orchestrated, then I was safe.

But that safety was cognitive, not physiological.

In Ayurveda, Vata is composed of air and ether.

It governs movement, thought, creativity, inspiration.
It is also responsible for fear, instability, dissociation, and anxiety when aggravated.

When we live in excessive lightness (light food, light sleep, light routines, constant movement, constant practice) the mind can become airy too.

Thoughts become fast.
Connections become rapid.
Meaning multiplies.

There is brilliance there. But without grounding, brilliance can tip into fragmentation.

At the intersection of spiritual awakening and nutritional depletion, it can feel like transcendence.

It can also be a nervous system searching for safety.

What shifted for me was not abandoning a spiritual practice.

It was eating.

Ancestral foods. Warm foods. Protein. Fat. Minerals. Root vegetables. Slow cooking. Sitting down to meals. Letting digestion complete.

It was building metabolic safety.

And as my body became nourished, something subtle happened:

My perception of reality stabilised.

I still believe in intuition.
I still believe in synchronicity.
But they are no longer the scaffolding holding my nervous system together.

There is less urgency.
Less meaning-making.
Less hyper-analysis of every interaction.

More presence. More ease.

The nervous system can only relax into trust when the body feels resourced.

You cannot ‘emotionally heal’ your way out of under-nutrition.
You cannot mantra your way out of mineral deficiency.
You cannot spiritually bypass a body that is asking to be fed.

In wellness culture, we often talk about mindset first.

But biology comes before ideology.

The parasympathetic nervous system (the state of rest, digest, repair) requires fuel. It requires adequate calories. Amino acids. Cholesterol. Salt. Micronutrients. Stability.

Without that, the system stays alert.

And when alertness becomes chronic, the mind will create frameworks to make sense of the constant activation.

Sometimes that looks like anxiety.
Sometimes it looks like control.
Sometimes it looks like intuition.

Neither is wrong. Both are adaptive.

The body is always trying to find safety. Returning to a state of balance.

For me, the real awakening was not ascending the physical realm.

It was through the body.

It was learning that deep nourishment is not indulgence. It is grounding. It is containment. It is what allows intuition to become discernment rather than compulsion.

When the body is fed, spirituality softens.

It becomes embodied.
Less frantic. Less symbolic. More real.

There is a steadiness that comes from ancestral eating. Foods humans have eaten for generations, prepared with warmth, eaten slowly. There is a message in that rhythm: you are safe enough to stay.

And when the body believes that, the mind does not need to reside elsewhere.

And a yoga practice for balancing Vata dosha

If you feel hyper-attuned, hyper-meaningful, hyper-aware; before assuming you are broken or enlightened it may be worth asking:

Am I deeply nourished?

Because sometimes the most radical spiritual act
is eating enough.

Love, Amanda