The World Needs Women

Over the past few weeks, I’ve had the privilege to spend time with some amazing women. Whether at our local Catholic homeschool conference, during playdates and parties, or book club, I have left feeling encouraged and inspired by their kindness, intelligence, and compassion.

One woman is first chair in an orchestra and homeschools her kids. Another turned down a dream job at a Catholic school because her kids are young and she is still figuring out the season she is in. Another woman has half her kids in Catholic school and half in homeschool, has a job, and is working towards her doctorate in the mission of Catholic education. Another is an ethics lawyer, working full-time and I see her kids active in the Church, embracing their faith, and doing wonderful things.

I have been grateful for female doctors and medical practitioners who understand intimately the realities of pregnancy and fertility. Some mothers, like me, are writers on the side. Some are teachers at their kids’ school, and some simply love the life of being a stay-at-home mother. Some, like the many who attended our homeschool conference, teach at co-ops or Catechesis, are involved in their parishes and use their gifts in so many small and comparatively unseen ways. And yet the mark they leave, the influence they have, is priceless.

The one thing they all have in common is that regardless of their employment status or whether their kids are homeschooled or go to school, they each see their role as mother as their most important one. I know one woman (whom I greatly admire) who has worked in the top tiers of the male-dominated banking world, denouncing corruption and standing up for moral ethics while raising four children. Another friend, after working random nursing shifts for over a decade while her children were young, now oversees several crisis pregnancy centers, changing lives and literally saving some. I couldn’t be more proud of the way I see these women using their gifts today.

It doesn’t mean there isn’t a balancing act, but that is for the family to discern. Having frequently been bullied growing up, I’ve come to learn that bullies are insecure about their own lives and choices, and therefore put down others’ lives and choices. The one-sided “dialogue” that says you must only stay home with your kids and enjoy the laundry does such a disservice to the greater and more meaningful conversations about women’s roles in the world. I promise you, the world is better because the feminine genius is in it. (Of course, the world is better when both males and females are living a life of virtue; it’s just that no one disputes the role that men need to work).

The Church gives guidance and discernment, but also the freedom and the wisdom to make prudent choices—and each family will look different. That’s not just for women working/not working, but for every prudential choice a family will make. The deeper problem, as I see it, is that we—as a Church—do not know how to pray well: how to enter into relationship with God, hear His voice, and live in union with Him. If that were the case, we wouldn’t try so hard to get everyone’s lives to look the same.

In my upcoming book, I write, “Jesus could have come and given us a list of rules to live by “to be good people.” . . . But Jesus is not a set of morals to live by. He is a person! A person who engages with us, a person who desires to know every inch of us and reveals Himself slowly so that we would hunger for more of Him.”

The beauty of the spiritual life is how original it is for each of us, and the many and varied lives of the Saints show us just that. It is more than a set of rules; it is a living relationship with the Trinity!

When we lean too much on telling other people what to do, or letting people tell us what to do, it means we aren’t leaning enough on our relationship with God, coming to Him in prayer and letting Him reveal where His plan meets our desires.

When my first book was published, it was kind of like a desire I didn’t even know I had. It was also hard work, and I wasn’t sure I wanted to do that again. It was the year 2020, and in the midst of book interviews and balancing homeschooling, the world shut down and went crazy. Life got frenetic, and I had a hard time hearing God’s voice; I was so busy listening to this or that voice on the internet and trying to decide about masks and vaccines and how to buy groceries. I told God I desired to hear His voice, so I committed to times of prayer and journaling. A little while later I heard God say to me:
“I am not asking you to do everything or be everything. Just be you, with the specific gifts I have given you. Your mission field is your family first. Focus on that. I love you. There is nothing you could do that would change that. I am sovereign, but I am personal, and that’s what I would like to reveal to you.”

That story is in my book, too, but for a different reason. The point here is that God told me, after publishing my first book, to put my family first. What that meant was getting pregnant later that summer, focusing on settling into homeschooling, and entering into a time of deep healing through spiritual direction.

Writing the first book took time and attention away from my children, but it was not only a profound experience for me—it has also helped many other women in their own mothering journey. I believe God wanted me to write that book or I wouldn’t have done it. Then my mission field again became my family first (notice not family *only*, just family first).

Then, several years later, I told my spiritual director that I thought God was leading me to be more outward again, and he agreed. Now I’m publishing a second book, have had some speaking opportunities, and feel called to keep going outward. That doesn’t mean my family isn’t still first, but that my husband and I and God must discern what that looks like. It also doesn’t mean I have balanced it successfully (who does?), but I’m learning and growing and trying to obey.

The one thing I think is true is that the world needs women. We need their gifts of sensitivity, receptivity, generosity, and maternity in every sphere of work, culture, and education. I think of the gift shop I was in that was disorganized and poorly stocked, where I keenly felt the lack of a female presence. Or the adventure outlet run by men that needed a good cleaning and better customer service. I think the balance and complementarity of men and women extends to so many areas of life, even the seminary, where it is good and healthy to have women professors and some motherly figures to complement the male-dominated sphere.

I like the idea of seasons. One of the speakers at our homeschool conference is a mother of ten, was a missionary in Cambodia for twelve years, and is now a licensed Catholic therapist. Talk about seasons! Nadya Williams has an interesting article in Fairer Disputations addressing gap years in academia, and how we should normalize the experience of women who scale back careers when their kids are little. There are seasons; they don’t stay little forever.

This kind of dialogue, the exchange of ideas and the witness of lived experience, is important when we talk about women sharing their charisms and their feminine genius with the world.

Cleaning out my inbox recently, I came upon a charism test that I took quite a few years ago now. I think it’s important to take the results of tests like these with a grain of salt, seeing them as part self-reflection and part calling. Still, the results can be illuminating and I found writing, prophecy, pastoring, and teaching close to the top. Far below were things like music, service, giving, craftsmanship. To me, this shows me that some of the things that come easier are likely to be callings that I must seriously discern. That obviously doesn’t exclude giving and service as things everyone is called to do, but that maybe writing and speaking on my book are things I can lean into instead of thinking I need to run one more service project for homeschoolers.

The “charism discernment guide” lists two dozen charisms, and the beauty is in knowing that everyone who takes it will get different results because God is creative like that! The craftsmen need the administrators, and the visionaries need help

and discernment. I was talking to a friend who was excited to be teaching classes at our co-op next year. She didn’t know how I could stand in front of a large crowd and give a talk because she would never want to do something like that. Well, after doing both teaching and speaking last year, I can say I prefer the speaking! We have different gifts, thank God for that. I need help teaching my kids!

The point is: we need women in the world, and far be it for me to tell you how to do that. But my contribution is through my upcoming book on prayer, on having a relationship that includes talking and listening to God, in hopes that it helps all of us discern better the season that God has us in.

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Links Lately:

*My recent post from Denver Catholic is on 7 Rules for Online Engagement According to 2 Timothy. And by engagement, I mean interacting with other people, not getting married.

*The Exorcist Files interviewed Fr. Mike Schmitz and there were some really profound moments. Fr. Mike mentions a story about a priest’s near-death experience where he was judged to have lived his priesthood for himself and not for the Lord and his people. When I substitute my own vocation and ask, “Allison, have you lived your motherhood for yourself or for the Lord and his people?” I have to really think on that. That’s a great question to help us discern. Because what does it mean to live your motherhood for the Lord?

Later the host has a really profound “fermentation metaphor,” and I thought on the whole the conversation was fantastic.

I also enjoyed this conversation on Catholic Stuff You Should Know about the threefold calling of every Christian to priest, prophet, and king. I especially liked the part around the how the role of priest is to offer sacrifice, and how even as mothers and fathers we participate in the sacrifice of Christ. Some good stuff there.

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