Give Them Something to Talk About

This weekend, Jason and I are headed to a large annual event hosted by his companies.

As I was thinking about what to wear, who we might see, and all the little logistics that go into an evening like this, I found myself mentally reviewing the habits that make these events feel easier.

Whether you find yourself at events like this often or you’re getting ready for your first family reunion in years, I hope this serves as a helpful refresher.

Arrive Toward the Beginning

If your goal is to meet new people, try to arrive within the first thirty minutes or so after the event begins.

Early in the evening, everyone is still settling in. Conversations are shorter, introductions happen naturally, and people are generally more open to meeting someone new. By the middle of an event, groups have often formed, making it a little harder to break into conversations.

Be an Introducer

Introduce yourself early and often.

And when you notice two people who ought to know each other, make the introduction.

One of the kindest things you can do at a large event is make sure no one has to stand alone for long.

The guest people remember isn’t always the funniest or the most accomplished person in the room. More often, it’s the person who helped everyone else feel welcome.

Make Conversation Easy

One of the easiest ways to feel more confident at a large event is to spend a few minutes beforehand thinking about what you’ve been up to lately.

Your outfit can help. A colorful dress, an interesting pair of earrings, a beautiful tie, or a vintage watch often become natural conversation starters.

But what you wear isn’t the only thing worth preparing.

Think of a few stories you might enjoy sharing. Not because you’re trying to impress anyone, but because good conversation usually begins with someone willing to offer a little of themselves first.

This weekend, I’ll probably share about our recent trip to Italy and France, my sister’s engagement party and upcoming wedding plans, and the Kristy Woodson Harvey books I can’t seem to put down.

None of those topics is especially groundbreaking. They’re simply positive, family-friendly conversations that make it easy for someone else to jump in with a story of their own.

Carry a Drink

Even if you don’t drink alcohol, I recommend having something in your hand. Sparkling water, club soda with lime, or iced tea all work perfectly well.

Think about how much more relaxed people look in photographs when they’re holding a coffee cup. The same is true at a reception. Holding a drink gives your hands something natural to do and helps you appear more at ease.

Keep it in your left hand whenever you’re not taking a sip so your right hand is free for a handshake.

And, of course, know your limit. The purpose of the evening is the people, not the cocktails.

Travel Light

Bring the smallest bag you truly need.

The less you’re carrying, the easier it is to shake hands, accept hors d’oeuvres, and move comfortably through the room.

While we’re talking about comfort, wear shoes that make sense for the event. Will you be standing for three hours? Walking across grass? Climbing stairs? The most elegant guest isn’t necessarily the one wearing the highest heels. It’s the one who’s fully present because they’re not distracted by sore feet.

Stay One Step Ahead

Take a napkin before you need one.

You’ll almost never regret having one when the hors d’oeuvres start making their way around the room.

Eat Gracefully

When hors d’oeuvres are being passed, it’s perfectly acceptable to take one of each item as it comes around. A shrimp cocktail followed by a lamb chop? Absolutely.

What you want to avoid is taking three lamb chops at once.

There’s almost always another tray coming.

Look Up

One habit I notice at almost every large event is people reaching for their phones the moment they find themselves standing alone.

Resist the temptation.

The easiest way to appear approachable is simply to look around the room.

Smile at the person across from you. Introduce yourself. Someone else is probably hoping to meet you, too.

People rarely remember every conversation they had at a large event.

They remember who welcomed them into a conversation.

Who introduced them to someone new.

Who made them feel comfortable.

So smile first. Introduce yourself. Offer an introduction.

Give people something to talk about.

Chances are, what they’ll remember most is how you made them feel.

In Case You Missed It

I recently was live on Fox & Friends to chat about dining etiquette, and also joined The 700 Club live on the Christian Broadcast Network for a feature segment on my book, Was It Something I Said?

You can also get caught up on my Ask Alison column in Evie Magazine here.

Answering for a Friend

Q: How long is too long to stay after a dinner party?

A: There isn’t a universal rule, but a good guideline is to head home about 30 minutes after dessert and coffee have been served. By then, you’ve had plenty of time to enjoy the evening without lingering so long that your hosts begin wondering how to wrap things up. Of course, every gathering is different. If the conversation is still flowing and your hosts are clearly extending the evening, stay and enjoy it. But when in doubt, leaving on the earlier side is almost always remembered more fondly than overstaying your welcome.

If you have a question for a future Answering for a Friend segment or my Ask Alison column, please email info@elevateetiquette.com.

For more writing like this, my modern etiquette guide, Was it Something I Said?, is on sale wherever books are sold.

With love,

Alison