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Hello Dear Parent,

One thing that has been fun for me as a parent lately is observing the unique and different things each of my children is drawn to.

My eight-year-old has taught herself to sew and spends every waking moment designing and assembling dresses and outfits for her dolls and stuffed animals.

My ten-year-old gets into a constant state of “flow” with her drawing and coloring and can happily spend hours creating colorful masterpieces.

I find myself watching them and wondering: What is beginning to emerge here?

In a book I recently read, Calling All Years Good: Christian Vocation throughout Life’s Seasons, Kathleen A. Cahalan and Bonnie J. Miller-McLemore suggest that these are precisely the kinds of moments we should pay attention to:

“Experiences of deep absorption and loss of self-consciousness in the pursuit of excellence are a form of practicing disciplined response to something larger than oneself.”

In other words, when our children become completely absorbed in something they love, it may be telling us something.

These experiences can begin to help children—and, yes, even adults—discover important things about themselves:

What do I love?

What am I good at?

What can I uniquely contribute?

Where do I feel most fully alive?

So, dear parents, are we noticing the things our children are naturally drawn toward?

Children and adolescents need our help connecting those moments of delight and discovery with the larger question of how God might use their lives for the good of others.

We can begin simply by paying attention and affirming what we see.

We can encourage our children to cultivate their God-given gifts and abilities—not merely so that they can become accomplished, but so that those gifts might eventually be used to love and serve others and contribute meaningfully to the world around them.

And vocation is not something they discover alone.

As the authors write:

“Vocational call is personal and individual, and discovered, confirmed, and affirmed in the give-and-take of relationships with others, including family, peers, mentors, and communities.”

As parents, we have a wonderful opportunity to be part of that process.

Instead of relying only on the tiresome question, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” we can begin asking better questions:

What breaks your heart about the world?

What are you doing when you feel most fully alive?

When do you feel most connected to other people?

What moments have made you proud of something you were able to contribute to a group or project?1

Those questions open up something larger than simply choosing a profession. They begin helping a child consider who God has made them to be and what their life might be given toward.

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Of course, we never want to pressure our children toward a particular path. But we can repeatedly encourage them to listen—to God, to the people who know and love them, and to the needs they see around them.

Cahalan remembers a nun who often encouraged young people to listen this way:

“God has a vocation for all of us and if we paid close attention and were true to ourselves we would know God’s intent.”

I love the invitation in that: pay close attention.

When we truly believe that God has created each of our children intentionally, we can enjoy the journey of helping them discover, little by little, who he has made them to be and how they might uniquely reflect his image in a hurting world.

As you begin this new school year, perhaps one of our tasks as parents is simply to watch more carefully—to observe, affirm, and ask good questions, trusting that over time God may use even these ordinary moments to reveal something of his calling on their lives.

From My Heart and Home to Yours,

Ali

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Helping Our Children Discover & Discern Their Calling

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