I revisited a set of habits that Justin Whitmel Earley set forth in his chapter on discipline in his book Habits of the Household, that have been both helpful and humbling for me. I thought to share an adapted and shortened version of them here in case anyone needs a refresher for difficult parenting moments.
Think of them as a framework to keep in the back of your mind—a way to move beyond instinct and toward formation.
Here are eight habits to cultivate over time:
Habit 1: Establish Loving Authority
Our children need to know we are in charge—but not for control’s sake. Loving authority protects them from harm, including their own impulses. A world without authority is not freedom—it’s chaos. Authority, rightly used, is an act of love.
Habit 2: Pause Before You Respond
A pause creates space between instinct and intention. Without it, we default to frustration or anger. With it, we have a chance to choose love.
Habit 3: Pray (and Preach to Yourself)
In these moments, God is parenting us as we parent our children. A quick prayer—Lord, help me here—can reorient everything. His power shows up best right where we feel weakest.
Habit 4: Use Body Language More Than Words
Our tone, posture, and presence often speak louder than anything we say. Kneeling to eye level. A hand on the shoulder. A calm gaze instead of a scowl. These small shifts carry the weight of the gospel far more than raised voices ever will. Lord, help us!
Habit 5: Be Relentless in Seeking Understanding
Behavior flows from the heart (Mark 7:21-23). Our goal isn’t just correction—it’s clarity. Earley, suggests employing three ‘what’ questions:
What did you do?
What did you think would happen?
What did you want in that moment?
Our job is to help our children learn how their hearts work. In my experience, this does not happen in an instant, but it is helpful to keep this goal in the back of our minds.
Habit 6: Think Carefully About Consequences
Consequences matter—but they are not the goal. We’re not aiming for retribution; we’re aiming for reconciliation. The best consequences create space for repair, not just punishment. This takes discernment and constant adjustment based on age and stage!
Habit 7: Insist on Apologies as Confession
Repentance requires naming what’s wrong. Saying it out loud matters. Even when it’s clumsy or reluctant, we are forming a habit that leads the heart and softens it over time. We can lead our kids in repenting and do it ourselves when we wrong them.
Habit 8: Always End in Reconciliation
This is where it all leads. A hug. A smile. Laughter, even. The habit of knowing where we are going can change how we get there. If discipline doesn’t move toward restored relationship, something has gone off track. We are teaching our children that love is the final word.
We Are All Works in Progress
This is not a formula. It’s a framework to keep in the back of our mind as we parent, which Earley says, is the radical job of a parent,
“…to take the ordinary moments of discipline and stitch them into a life of discipleship.”
But if you’re anything like me, you are a work in progress. And sometimes progress seems slower than we’d like. But even the fact that you are here reading this newsletter is a step in the right direction.
Pick one Habit
This week, try choosing just one habit to practice as a step forward.
We’re not just correcting behavior.
We’re forming souls.
Including our own.
So take heart, dear parent, in whatever stage you are in. Keep going. And remember this: even parents, when willing, can learn new tricks!
Happy Discipling from My Heart and Home of Glory to Yours,
Ali
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Homes of Glory provides biblical encouragement & practical tips to help families stay grounded and growing in Jesus Christ.
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