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I was talking to a client who, like most of us, is feeling really overwhelmed right now. Between parenting young children, managing a household, and caring for her aging parents, there was little space left for her own needs.
She explained that she sees other women on social media working out, meditating, and prioritizing themselves, treating self-care as a non-negotiable. She said she tried adding some of these practices to her day, but it left her feeling more depleted and less settled.
The idea of self-care has become commercialized. We’re often told that certain products are the key to regulating ourselves—from skin care and supplements to teas, lotions, and endless courses. The self-care industry is booming.
But at its core, what does it really mean to take care of yourself?
The answer will be different for everyone. It requires us to get quiet and check in with ourselves first so we can understand what we actually need.
For my client, she didn’t need to add more to her day. Her inner wisdom was asking for simplification and support.
I said to her, “Close your eyes, let your body soften, steady your breathing, and ask yourself: What would be most helpful to me right now?”
Working out, meditating, and yoga weren’t on her list.
She said, “I would love it if someone could come clean my house once a month.”
Then she paused and asked, “Does that count as self-care?”
I said, “Absolutely. You’re tuning into what you need.”
Then I asked her, “Is it doable to hire someone to come clean your house once a month?” I told her to take her time before answering and to regulate herself.
The reason I asked her to pause is because many of us have a hard time saying yes to support. We instinctively dismiss our needs before we’ve even considered them. We may view the expense as selfish, yet spend the same amount on someone we love without hesitation.
After pausing and breathing, she said, “It might be hard, but maybe I can.”
I replied, “Let’s just start by pricing out some options and getting recommendations. No commitment yet. Just start to feel it out.”
The following week, she researched local house cleaners and found a team she really liked. She booked her first cleaning and messaged me immediately afterward.
She said something she hadn’t anticipated happened.
Even taking the time to look for house cleaners brought her a sense of peace before the cleaning ever happened. She felt more at ease in her day, and she couldn’t fully explain why.
Her willingness to honor her needs—to acknowledge that she needed support at home—was self-care.
Even before the cleaning happened, her mental load began to decrease because she had given herself permission to receive support.
Self-care happens when we listen to ourselves and give ourselves permission to seek out what we need. It will look different for everyone.
I had another client who absolutely needed a specific type of workout in her day. Her form of self-care is moving and sweating in ways that help her body release stress.
For another client, taking a 20-minute walk in nature each day was all she needed.
Self-care is not always about adding more to your list because you think you should.
I should be working out.
I need to eat better.
I should be meditating to stay calm.
When self-care starts sounding like a list of shoulds, it’s usually not your inner wisdom guiding the conversation.
Self-care is about giving yourself permission to be held, supported, and tended to.
Another client who was struggling with her reactivity shared a simple act of self-care and how it changed the way she showed up for her kids.
Instead of insisting she manage bath time, she let her husband take over. She washed the dishes after dinner and gave herself a few quiet minutes to decompress from the day. Then she joined her kids, read with them, and there were no battles at bedtime.
Why?
Because in the past, she was so exhausted and unwilling to take even a brief break that she became more reactive. Her kids felt it, and as a result, their behavior became more challenging. She hated ending the day that way.
She knew her husband would help, but she felt guilty not doing the entire routine because she’s a working mom. The shoulds were getting the best of her.
Once she listened to what she actually needed—support and a few minutes to settle her nervous system—their evenings transformed.
So the next time you’re scrolling social media and see someone talking about self-care from a luxury spa, remember this:
Self-care isn’t a product, a routine, or another item on your to-do list.
It’s an intimate relationship with yourself.
It’s listening.
It’s honoring what you need.
And sometimes, the most healing thing you can do is allow yourself to receive the support you’ve needed all along.
Love always,
Albiona
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