I USED TO THINK I HAD TO BE HIGH VIBE TO CREATE

I used to think I had to be high vibe to create what I desired.

I’m naturally a positive person. I always have been. My cup has always overflowed.

But through my process of facing my inner shadows, transmuting pain I had shoved down, I came across many moments of anything but positive. Rage that felt like it was going to explode me from the inside. Like I would tear apart my very own skin and flesh to let it out of my body. Sadness that wanted to sink me into the ground, into a black hole where I could escape.

All of it in its most intense, visceral, full-body sensation.

And when I would come to feel these emotions, the not-enoughness, I would feel the need to change that moment. To shift my energy. To be something else, so that I didn’t further create from these shadows.

There’s absolute truth in that.

But I also found that it often creates an idea. A perfection. An idea that somehow these emotions are wrong or bad. That somehow they’re not part of creation. That only high vibratory emotions belong in the creative process.

And this creates bypassing.

Which, as a positive person, I realize I had done my entire life. I wanted those around me to feel good, not bad. So I would shove down my own emotions, not feel, smile, be positive, lift everybody else up.

After my kundalini awakening, those emotions all came rippling to the surface.

And still, my process was to learn to meet them. I still didn’t desire to fully feel them. I still wanted them to be different.

But what I learned is that aliveness is not found in any particular emotion. It is not found in any particular state of being. Aliveness is found in the here and now, when you learn to fully meet yourself in this moment.

Because what you’re doing is meeting creation. Meeting your human. Meeting your divinity. Meeting all of it, without judgment, without need for it to be different, without needing to change it, transmute it, alchemize it.

And in that full body acceptance, as wholeness, transmutation occurs. Alchemy cannot help itself. But it’s not coming from an outcome. It’s not coming from doing in order to get.

It’s coming from the state of communion.

And that is where aliveness exists.

In communion with creation. In communion with your human, who is a creator. In communion with your soul, which is the creator. In communion with all of your emotions, which are the creative experience, the creative expression.

Creativity is emotional. Creation in the human existence is emotional. That is the beauty of it. It elicits emotion. We feel emotion because of it.

That’s not wrong.

That’s glorious. Absolutely fucking glorious.

When we have the courage to simply be in the here and now, everything not only resolves itself, because there truly is nothing to resolve, but it creates through your genius. The fullness of who you are.

Not who you are just in your high moments. Not who you are just if you succeed. Not who you are in part.

Who you are. Period. All of it.

Because that is where duality meets, and God is revealed. In all of you, simultaneously, in the same breath, the same felt experience, the same moment of touch, smell, sight, sound.

This is where aliveness awakens.

Truth radiating from every cell of your being. Truth coursing through your body. Everything within you in harmonic resonance, tuned, vibrating, as a symphony of creation.

You can’t make that up. You can’t mentally chase it, find it, or analyze it into existence.