ALIVENESS IS COMMUNION

I used to think aliveeness was arousal. Because I definitely felt lit when I was aroused. And it isn’t completely incorrect because sexual energy is creative life force energy. But not all creative life force energy is sexual.

And aliveness, specifically, I have come to learn, is when the light of God, as the I AM state, shines through every cell, photon, and atom of your being.

This occurs in the human experience when we are willing to meet ourselves from a state of wholeness. From the I AM state of isness, beingness, existence. Not just the high vibe moments or the perfect experiences, all that you are. The messy moments, the imperfections, and most notably, the parts of you that you would rather not look at or feel.

Because these parts are pointing to the belief of separation within you. The core wound of humanity. The belief that we are separate from God, Source, Creation. This wound is extremely painful.

One day, I even experienced this pain. I was in a deep meditation, sitting in the I AM state. When all of a sudden I heard something akin to a ripping sound, my entire body lit up with the most excruciating pain. It felt as if my muscles were being separated from my bones. As if every part of my body was being torn apart from itself.

My entire body writhed in response to the pain. It threw itself back onto the couch and went into convulsions like (pattern?). The experience was short, probably only a matter of a few seconds, but it felt like hours.

Higher Self told me that is was the belief of separation. I didn’t quite understand, and I’m not sure I understand the experience completely now. But I do know that it was extremely painful and created an intrinsic feeling of being alone. Abandoned.

This feeling of abandonment hums beneath the surface of our lives. We try to fulfill it. We try to create experiences in our lives and with others to either numb the pain or achieve whatever will make it go away.

But none of it works because the only way to truly resolve it is to remember. To remember that you were never separate, although the experience of separation is visceral and not to be ignored. The truth resides in where those two meet. The truth that you were never separate with the feeling of being separate, alone, and abandoned.

When we meet ourselves there, aliveness awakens as we merge back to wholeness. Not some idea of excitement or joy. The light of God shining through every cell, photon, and atom of your being.

Communion with creation that feels like home. Life as art.

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