Soul Stories #38: Loving with The Eyes vs. The Heart

The 8th century mystic Rabia Al-Adawiyyah always had many suitors. One of these suitors was relentless in his affection for her.

One day as she happened to be walking past this man he uttered, “Oh Rabia! Please give me your hand in marriage. I will be devoted to you and you alone if you do! You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen and I only have eyes for you, Oh Rabia!”

For the first time ever, Rabia stopped and talked to the man. She simply said, “You think I am the most beautiful woman in the world, you should see my sister walking behind me.” As soon as she said that the man whipped his head to see who was walking behind her.

Rabia then poked the man in the stomach with her walking stick and said, “There is nothing loyal about your love. You know nothing of having eyes only for one beloved. Until you become nothing before the true Beloved you will know nothing of love’s true nature.”

Share Divine Love in Everyday Life | A. Helwa

The topic of love is one that has made many pens break, mind’s shatter, and hearts grow wings. Rabia shows us another side of love, it’s demanding side! Rabia is the queen of confrontation, constantly reminding us what it means to be undivided in our love for Allah. The suitor who professes his love for her is exposed when he turns around “looking for something better.” Rabia is showing us that if the love we feel is fickle, shaken by a passing moment of distraction, then it’s not love but our ego’s desire disguised as love.

“Have you seen the one who takes as his god his own desire?”
—Qur’an 25:43

Rabia is calling us to be moved by our soul’s greater devotion, not our ego’s lower desires. Of course, this story is not really about Rabia and a suitor, it’s about how we approach the Divine with our love. Rabia was not confronting the man to be cruel, it was a diagnostic test to unveil to him his own hidden intention. Allah does the same with us, He tests us to awaken us. As the Qur’an says, “Do people think that they will be left alone because they say, ‘We believe,’ and they will not be tried?” (29:2) Our love will be tried, not because the Divine is challenging us, but because He is calling us to come even closer to Him. Rabia’s famous prayer beautifully illustrates what it means to worship Allah sincerely and singularly out of love:

“Oh Allah, if I worship You for fear of Hell, burn me in Hell; if I worship You in hope of Paradise, exclude me from Paradise; but if I worship You for Your Own sake, do not withhold from me Your Everlasting Beauty.”
—Rabia Al-Adawiyyah

Rabia’s heart was profoundly empty of transactional desires, so she was very attuned to hearts that were absent of pure loyalty to the Divine. The suitor was not a true lover. He loved his own eyes, his ego was hungry for its own desires, and his love had nothing to do with fana or “annihilation of the self,” in the ocean of love, rather it served to reinforce his identity. He didn’t love Rabia, he loved the idea of being with her. He had not emptied his ego on the path of love, rather he was performing for the sake of his own desire. This not an easy teaching. The story is teaching us that if we don’t love God with all that we have and all that we are, we will never be able to love his creation for the sake of love itself.

The human ego is always in relationship with reciprocity, always inclining toward a transaction, looking for a gain and avoiding a loss. Whereas the spirit never criticizes, never compares, never keeps score, the lower ego is in a constant state of competition, with itself and others. The Prophet Joseph reminds us that it doesn’t matter how righteous we may be, the ego is tricky and we need a leash on it when he says, “And I do not acquit myself. Indeed, the self (nafs) is a persistent enjoiner of evil, except those upon which my Lord has mercy.” (Qur’an 12:53) Rabia’s suitor thought he had eyes only for Rabia, but his words came from his appetite, his lust wearing the disguise of love. We don’t want to love like this, we want to love with a love that is true and unencumbered by the trappings of the ego. Our work on the spiritual path is to purify our intentions and return our whole heart the Beloved.

My Beloved Lord, make our eyes only for You, make our ears only for You, and make our hearts only for You. Oh Allah, make our worship of You unmixed, make our love for You singular, and awaken our souls to the beauty of Your Grace alone. My Lord, it is only You who can save us and only You who can guide us from You, with You, and to You. In Your Beautiful Names we pray, Ameen.

In prayers of light upon light,