I manifested my dream life at 30, and here's what I didn't expect

here’s a snapshot of what i’m doing as i’m typing this note: i’m sitting here in my dream home with the morning sun peeking through, looking out the window staring at the vastness fresh grass and listening to my baby’s quiet breath as he sleeps in my husband’s arms.

the house is clean + quiet, something everyone told me not to expect with a newborn.

my day is pretty open, i have a coaching call at 12pm, my parents are coming to hang out with the baby and my husband and i are gonna go grab a coffee to just check in with each other before he heads off to a quick work obligation.

i have the happy marriage, the healthy family dynamics, the beautiful baby, the “forever” home that we get to grow into, the business that allows me to do what i love while still caring for my baby, a healthy body, freedom of time… and the list goes on.

the 5 year old version of me would be (and is) so in awe of this life we’re living. it’s our definition of picture perfect.

i didn’t expect what living your dream life would truly feel like.

i didn’t expect what having all my desires would actually mean.

because maybe there’s a part of me that never thought i’d actually get here.

and if i were to go back and tell myself… being in my dream life feels so neutral. so familiar. so nonchalant. so normal. that it’s a fine line between boring and peaceful. not in an ungrateful way, but in an unhurried way.

i’ve spent SO much, if not the majority of my life living in “desire-mode” where i constantly am seeking my next-level, my next “manifestation” that now that i’m where i’ve always wanted to be - it feels like this awkward pause. internally, i’m caught off guard that i don’t have 300 other things on my vision board.

the desire-mode actually feels so exciting because it’s that “chase for dopamine” even though we know we’re not supposed to chase - but it’s the excitement of the unknown.

but now… i truly have nowhere better to be. i’m here. i made it. and it’s oddly peaceful, quiet + relaxed.

what surprises me the most is that some days, i wake up feeling like my heart is so full and blessed. and other days, i wake up feeling on edge as if i’m behind or missing something because “it can’t be this good”.

i guess a part of me believed that once i made it here, i’d be feeling good all the time.

but looking back, i believe managing your energy along the way is the entire point.

i think the compounding years (almost 20!!!) of managing my energy in my everyday life has molded my life into my definition of the dream. so much so that along the way, i thought that once i “made it” to my dream life - the work would be over. the effort would be done.

but here’s the beautiful, paradoxical reality of it. it’s not. it never is.

now if you’re reading this, this may have made your heart sink a bit because “what do you mean i still have to work on my energy once i get all my desires? wasn’t that the whole point of my desires? to feel good ALL the time?”

trust me - i’m just as shocked as you are!!

there’s a part of me that knew and believed that the “work” never ends, but there’s also a part of me that thought i wouldn’t feel the need to do the work because life would be so juicy.

so here’s what i didn’t expect, manifesting my dream life at 30 doesn’t mean that “the work is over”. because managing your energy becomes part of your identity. manifestation becomes your way of life.

• option 1: you get to be frustrated that “the work” is never-ending and if you don’t like it, then may as well just stop now

• option 2: you get to be relieved that “the work” is never-ending because you know it seriously makes you feel so alive and so much better, so it can only get better and better

personally, i’m going with option 2, because now that i’ve made it to where i always wanted to be - it’s time for me to LIVE it.

being HERE, being PRESENT, being AWARE.

and maybe i don’t exactly know what’s next, but maybe that’s how it’s supposed to be. maybe this time, it’s my turn to be open to the unexpected instead of planning, controlling and scheming to make it to my dream life.

so wherever YOU are on your manifestation, spiritual, energetic journey - my question to you is this: are you just hoping to get to your final destination so you can “finally feel good” or are you actually coming to terms with the idea that there may never really be a final destination?

because what if the whole point of manifestation was never to check off all the boxes? what if the the whole point was creating a life that you get to experience? and what if the full experience of life means the full range of emotions (th ones that feel good and the ones that don’t), the full range of experiences (happy ones and heavy ones)?

so if you’re in the season of wanting more - keep creating, keep dreaming, keep expanding.

and if you’re in a season similar to mine where you don’t exactly know what’s next - maybe it’s okay to stop searching. maybe it’s okay to be where your feet are. maybe it’s okay to manage your energy in the day-to-day things.

not because you’re done expanding, creating or evolving - but because it’s okay to let yourself fully live + experience this version of your life.

instead, i am starting to see that receiving your manifestations is an invitation to truly be more present, grateful + satisfied with where you are in that moment.

an invitation to stop treating your life like a waiting room for the next thing.

an invitation to stop constantly asking “what’s next” and start noticing what’s here.

because maybe manifestation isn’t only about receiving your desires.

maybe it’s also about learning how to enjoy the beautiful life you’ve created.

so, whether you’re in the season of building, or you’ve arrived where you’ve always wanted to be - my hope is that you allow yourself to be fully in it, joyfully and unhurriedly.

here’s to manifestation being normal for you, instead of out of reach.

xoxo,

Payal

p.s. if you have questions or thoughts, do share - i’d love to hear from you 🫶🏽