'Work-Life Balance', really? + Putting kids' happiness first

A few thoughts from me…

It’s a popular dinner-party conversation topic these days: ‘Work-Life Balance’.

For me, I’ve always been intrigued by the way this expression has become normalised and so widely used, when it depicts a clear separation between ‘work’ and ‘life’.

It also seems to articulate that life is relatively more positive than work.

Life, presumably (in the mind of whoever it was that first concocted the expression), represents all the good things we like to enjoy: home, family, relaxing, holidays, our hobbies and so on. Whist Work represents the time we spend away from those things, consumed with our jobs and careers.

As part of my work with A Few Wise Words, I regularly meet with extraordinarily successful individuals who work extremely hard for their success and who invariably put in long hours. Whenever I ask them for their thoughts about ‘work-life balance’, reactions may typically include: “How do you spell that?”… “We never think like that in our family”… “I just hate that expression”…

Many have also said, “If work-life balance is that important to someone, then they obviously don’t love their work”.

One of the most significant comments I receive from those who do (love their work) is that they see no division between ‘work’ and ‘life’ because work is such a significant part of their life.

But here’s the truth: If your work is an important and enjoyable part of your life, then being able to achieve a constant ‘work-life balance’ is, for all intents and purposes, virtually impossible!

Trying to enjoy a busy full-time career, while also spending loads of time with your family, taking lots of holidays, enjoying a full and active social life, enjoying time to read or watch TV, pursuing your hobbies, taking exercise, and so on… while finding time to sleep too!, is a tall order for anyone.

Only the most disciplined and organised can come even close to achieving that ideal.

So, what then is the art of managing everything in your life so that you can enjoy all or most of these things?

The answer is a focused, flexible, and practical way to manage your priorities…

First, one needs to accept that each of the activities mentioned above will always, individually, compete for your time. However, you need to be pragmatic; your work will sometimes necessarily take over, and as a result, you will have less time for those other aspects of your life. The most enlightened amongst us won’t let this stress them out. They don’t feel guilty about having to neglect the other things; they just focus on their work when they have to ‘work’.

But, here’s the difference… when at home with their families, for example, they will then focus entirely on them. Yes, they might have to take the occasional business call over the weekend, or they may need an hour to ‘read that document’. They will then focus on those things for the required time, but once done, it’s total immersion once again, back to their family and their personal time.

There will, of course, be times when work will also, firmly, take second place - when on holiday, for example. Most sensible people will then dedicate these times primarily to their families, friends and themselves.

So, the art is to be organised and, of course, not to waste precious time. Whatever segment of your life needs attention at any time, and for however long that requires, focus entirely on that. Those who try to do everything at the same time, cramming and squeezing everything in, while constantly juggling and spinning numerous plates, are the ones who inevitably become stressed out and who burn out.

We do, of course, have to strike a balance. But I prefer to think of it as a work-life to non-work-life balance. Both are important, and we need to ensure that when the needle shifts toward one over the other for a while, we can then shift it back the other way at times to compensate.

If you love your work (which hopefully you do), this is an important part of your life. You shouldn’t feel guilty about how much time it demands. However, when you spend time on non-work activities, just remember to give them your full attention.

We all need time away from work to recharge and even recover. Our family and friends need us, too. And we also need to be kind to ourselves.

This is what the legendary England rugby coach, Sir Clive Woodward thinks about work-life balance…

I have never quite understood the concept of a ‘work–life balance’, where people separate their work time in their minds from their home and leisure time, as though the latter were always somehow a much better place to be.

Your work life, if you really enjoy it, should just blend together nicely with your non-work life. Even working hard is enjoyable if it is something that you love doing.

Sir Clive Woodward OBE - an extract from his chapter in A Few Wise Words - Volume One

Put your kids first, and they will be your friends for life…

My son went to the Reading Festival on Sunday (a music event - very popular amongst teenagers in the UK, in the town of ‘Reading’). He was planning to stay overnight at the campsite with his friends.

Shortly after I fell asleep, just before midnight, my phone rang. “Dad, would it be OK to pick me up at around 3:00 from Reading, please?”

Half awake, I immediately mumbled, “OK, Son, no problem at all”.

Reading is about an hour and 20 minutes' drive from where we live, so at least I could get in an hour and a half of sleep before leaving.

Twenty minutes later, while trying to doze off again… ‘Ping!’ A WhatsApp message arrives..

“Sorry Dad, but could you make it 2:00 instead? And can we give a couple of lifts, please?”

Sent: “Of course! No problem at all 💕.”

No point now in going back to sleep. 😐

I arrived at around 2:15 after queuing for a while in traffic. He was there with his friend, but we had to wait a while longer for the other two to come, with all their camping gear. After dropping everyone off, we eventually got back home at 4:45.

Driving at night tends to wake me up, so could I get to sleep straightaway? Nope.

I eventually dozed off around 6:00 and then had to get up at 8:30 to go for my regular, pre-arranged walk.

Was I tired on Bank Holiday Monday? Of course.

Did I fall asleep on the settee twice (snoring apparently) and let my cup of tea get cold? Yep. 😴

Do I mind? Not at all!

I love my son and would prefer him to stay safe while pursuing the things he enjoys doing when he’s young. I also told him before he left that if his plans changed and he needed a lift back, that would be fine with me, too.

Someone I respect a lot once told me, “There is always an inherent conflict between being a parent and being a friend to your kids. As a parent, you have to apply discipline and lay down the law, but if you can be friends with your children at the same time, they will be your friends for life.”