As the USA turns 250, there are a lot of mixed feelings about the state of the American experiment. Having spent most of my life working outside of the US, I have a different point of view than most. You might be surprised to hear it, but I appreciate my American upbringing quite a lot. Someone like me, from my background, probably wouldn’t exist in anywhere else. Why is that? Well, I’ve spent a lot of time considering it and I’ve tried, perhaps inelegantly, to put those thoughts together here.
I talk with my tour groups often about quality of life comparisons, cultural miscommunications, and how understanding yourself as an American first will make you a better traveler and world citizen. Maybe these thoughts will help, no matter where you’re from.
A caveat - I’m going to speak about big generalizations that don’t apply to everyone. America is an incredibly diverse place. Who “we” are is totally subjective depending on who you ask. You may also think this stuff seems obvious, but here’s the question- have you really thought much about it?
Do you remember that term from elementary school? I do, but I don’t think about it much. I remember dressing up as a pioneer and making a model covered wagon in the 5th grade. But what does that have to do with my life? Everything, as it turns out.
Our country has a unique history and a lot of space. The idea of the westward expansion in the 19th century, of hopping in a wagon and trying your fortune in the Wild West - it has never left us.
Americans are totally comfortable with relocating far away from their birthplace. Taking a gamble on a new home far away is normal to us. You’d be hard pressed to find people in other countries that move as casually as we do to new cities we know nothing about.
Move to the west and become a movie star! Reinvent yourself a million times over, you can always have a clean slate here. People in other countries keep long, long cultural memories that we can’t even imagine and carry not only their own baggage, but the baggage of their ancestors. Ask an Italian about Istria sometime and be prepared for some passionate gesticulating.
Manifest Destiny set up the American mindset to be one of unlimited potential and limitless possibility. Shedding the past to face a bright, new future. That’s a really cool thing, a unique idea in the world, but it’s important to know how unusual it is when you travel. We feel less encumbered by our history than other cultures, which is both good and bad.
A common root cause of misunderstandings that I see with my travelers is the idea of individuality. We are so steeped in this idea that we are all unique and individually important, we don’t even think about it. We assume other people look at the world the same way. But they don’t. Other cultures tend to look at the collective. It’s not a better or worse thing, it just is.
Understanding that individuality is not as important to other cultures can help avoid or at least alleviate conflicts. For example, customer service in the US demands that the customer is always right. In Europe, the customer may or may not be right, depends on the situation. That’s why a complaint to a hotel owner may be met with a lukewarm reception. Is your concern something that affects everyone in the hotel (like a gas leak) or something that only affects you (like a dripping faucet)? The hotel owner may not see something as a big deal that’s worth their time if it only slightly affects you alone.
American individuality and creativity are the fuel for all kinds of innovation, no other place supports individual ambition better than the US, in my view.
On the other hand, seeing the world as a collective place makes people feel more connected to each other and a part of something bigger than themselves. Socialism is not a dirty word in many other places; it’s just a way of life. Taking care of the less fortunate or elders is just a normal moral obligation in most cultures. There are trade-offs in both ways of operating.
We are taught that every person has the potential to succeed in the US. It’s that “pull yourself up by the bootstraps” mentality. Continually working harder and improving your situation is something we all do.
Working towards that better job or promotion. Starting side businesses to make more money. Going back to school to get more education to change careers. This is all normal to us. It isn’t normal to everyone in the world.
In many cultures, what you do for a living is often not a choice. What your parents do is what you will do also. If you’ve chosen a career, it’s probably not much different than your parents in terms of social position. And once you have a decent job, you probably don’t leave it. Ever. I know desk clerks that have had that same job for 20-30 years and have no intention of changing. It’s not laziness, it’s cultural. That’s a decent job, so why change?
It may seem depressing to an American that upward mobility is not a common idea abroad. But there is a flip side to it. It’s the idea that ALL work is valuable. It isn’t necessary to keep trying to move up if you’re really good at what you do, you’re paid a living wage, and you enjoy it. All jobs, no matter where they fall on the social hierarchy, are worthy of respect and all workers demand a certain level of respect for doing them.
As an example of this cultural miscommunication, I once had a breakfast room attendant in Paris get very upset because she thought my group was being disrespectful to her. Nobody greeted her or looked her in the eye, they simply told her what kind of coffee they wanted. That was absolutely my fault. I forgot to explain the local customs, that you look the server in the eye and greet them before asking for anything. It’s a sign of respect.
Being a server at a restaurant is a serious job, not something a college kid does to make ends meet.
From a personal level, I lament this. I have family members who never went to college and have solidly blue collar jobs that they enjoy and are good at. Loading luggage on airplanes and moving boxes in a warehouse are necessary jobs. Contributing to society in whatever way works for you is worthy of respect.
We also have a “live to work” mentality attached to our upward mobility philosophy that other cultures would never accept. Working to live, having ample personal time, and quality of life are priorities that most people elsewhere would never give up.
Of all of the cultural norms that present roadblocks in travel, time may be the most frustrating. Time, oddly, can be an opinion.
I’m not sure there is a more American sentiment than “Time is Money”. Our time is considered valuable, like a resource to be spent properly. Having someone waste our time is like being robbed of something we can never recover.
Take a deep breath when you travel because unless you’re in Germany or Switzerland, people won’t care about how precious you think your time is. Everything has its’ own pace and accepting a different schedule is a part of the cultural package.
I’ve been taught about relative time by my beloved adopted country of Italy. When I first started guiding, I carried around my tour manual like a fanatic, trying to keep the tour on schedule to the second. We must arrive by 3pm or else! But of course, Italy always has different plans for me. Strikes, closures, traffic…you name it and I’ve dealt with it.
Time can be relative. Cinque minuti is anywhere from 6-20 minutes in Italy, making it more of a figure of speech.
In the end, I’ve learned to let go of my American sense of time. It’s more about the journey than about what time you get there. Getting derailed is usually the most memorable part, just ask my tour members who were with me when the Chunnel caught fire…with us in it. We didn’t make it to Paris on time, but getting there was the best group event that happened that year.
Time? Once it’s thrown out the window, a whole new perspective opens up.
What does it all mean, then, to be an American? I guess, from my point of view (which I admit is not entirely American) it means that we are different. We know that. The bigger trick is to understand that other people do not see the world the way we do. Every country is programmed differently. Even within our own country we are programmed differently, depending on our heritage and where we come from.
Possibly the best strategy I can offer for being an American in a foreign country is this: listen. Be humble. Look for context clues. Ask people why they do things that you don’t understand. Maybe they can’t explain it, but maybe they can give you a broad sense of their cultural point of view. Consider your cultural biases. And if they ask you what makes America tick, go back to the 5th grade playbook and be ready to explain Manifest Destiny.
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