Welcome to Tech Atypically 👋, your weekly blog for navigating the challenges of ADHD and being in the tech industry.
I am an ADHD and product management coach, helping you change one belief and take one action each week.
🐼Do you work in Tech and are tired of struggling? Get ADHD and job skill coaching with Tech Atypically.
Learn More about ADHD Coaching
Part 7 of the Things I Wished I Knew Sooner Series
🦋 The Takeaways
Belief: My therapist will help me with everything ADHD-related.
Reality: Therapists work on the past; coaches work on the future.
Action: Understand what each does so you can get the right support for what you need.
⭐️ Introduction
Welcome back to Things I Wished I Knew Sooner, a series about being diagnosed with ADHD late in life.
I’ve been seeing the same therapist for over 10 years. When I got diagnosed with ADHD, I asked them, “Hey, why didn’t you ever flag these things?”
Turns out they have ADHD too. So they didn’t think it was abnormal.
We both learned something that day. (They’re a great therapist, btw)
For years, I thought my therapist was my main mental health resource for everything. Then I learned about ADHD coaches. I’d never even heard of one before. I didn’t understand the difference between what a therapist does and what a coach does.
Here’s what I learned: they serve completely different purposes.
My marriage therapist wasn’t equipped to handle ADHD. My psychiatrist isn’t trained to do therapy (99% of them aren’t—some are, but most aren’t). And my therapist? They couldn’t help me navigate a performance improvement plan (PIP) at work or deal with my insecurity about not being able to write SQL.
I sat down with my co-coaches, (who is both a licensed therapist and an ADHD coach, and (an executive coach), to talk through the difference.
If you’ve just been diagnosed, you need to understand what to expect from a therapist and what NOT to expect from them.
😵💫 The Belief - My Therapist Will Fix Everything
When you get diagnosed with ADHD, the first instinct is: “I need a therapist.”
You assume a therapist will help you understand your diagnosis, navigate work challenges, fix your relationships, and teach you strategies to manage symptoms.
One-stop shop, right?
I thought the same thing. I had a therapist. I figured they’d help me make sense of everything ADHD-related.
But here’s the problem: not all therapists are equipped for ADHD work. And even the ones who can only help with certain things.
A therapist can’t help you strategically navigate a PIP at work. They can’t tell you how to deliver a feature when your job is on the line. My therapist would look at me and say, “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
That’s because therapy and coaching are fundamentally different.
🤝 The Reality - Therapists and Coaches Serve Different Purposes
Here’s the difference:
A therapist is someone you go TO. A coach is someone you work WITH.
What Therapists Do
Therapists are clinically trained and licensed. They work on the past—helping you understand how your history has shaped who you are now.
They do deep dives: How has ADHD impacted your life? What trauma or patterns have developed? What clinical interventions can help?
A therapist guides the discussion using evidence-based approaches (CBT, DBT, trauma therapy). They’re doing something for you, like a doctor.
I don’t care if my doctor has ever had a heart attack to treat my heart attack. Their personal experience doesn’t matter—their training does. Same with therapists.
What Coaches Do
Coaches are future-focused. They help you accomplish something specific: navigating work, building skills, managing performance issues.
You’re equals. You’re doing something together.
If your goal is to write a book, you want a coach who’s written a book. Because you’re doing it WITH them, not having them do it FOR you.
Coaches bring lived experience. They’ve been in your industry. They’ve been on PIPs. They know how the system works.
A therapist may have never been on a PIP. But a coach will tell you exactly how to beat one.
The Clinical vs. Practical Split
Michael (who is both a therapist AND a coach) explained it:
Therapists: Clinically understand your diagnosis. Work through trauma, rejection sensitivity, emotional regulation. Use structured psychological interventions.
Coaches: Help you strategize and solve problems in real-time. Bring industry knowledge. Future-oriented and collaborative.
Example from Michael:
A client said, “I can’t bring myself to do anything. Even though this could cost me my job, I’m sitting here like a deer in headlights.”
Michael asked questions and said, “It seems like you’re experiencing demand avoidance.”
The client said, “What is that?”
Once they had language for it, they could find ways to navigate it.
That’s what a therapist does. They help you name what you’re experiencing.
But a therapist won’t tell you how to structure your day to avoid triggering demand avoidance at work. That’s where a coach comes in.
🛠️ The Action - Know What You Need and Who to Ask
1. Understand the difference in scope
Therapist: Past-focused, clinical, licensed, trauma/pathology work
Coach: Future-focused, practical, work/life strategy
Don’t ask your therapist how to keep your job. Don’t ask your coach to treat your trauma.
2. Find specialists, not generalists
Find someone who specializes in ADHD and neurodivergence.
Not all therapists are trained the same. A therapist great at family trauma might not understand ADHD. I’ve worked with therapists who had bias against ADHD or medication. That’s not the therapist for me.
Similarly, you want a coach who gets demand avoidance, rejection sensitivity, executive dysfunction—and knows how those show up in your industry.
3. Use a two-pronged approach
Michael’s advice: Do both, depending on what you’re experiencing.
Therapist: Personal life, relationships, emotional regulation
Coach: Work performance, PIPs, career strategy, industry challenges
You don’t have to choose one or the other.
4. It’s okay to shop around
Talk to different therapists. Try different coaches. Each conversation helps you gain language to describe your symptoms and needs.
If someone isn’t the right fit—whether it’s their approach, bias, or specialization—switch.
5. Know when you need which one
Ask yourself:
Is this rooted in the past and affecting multiple areas of my life? → Therapist
Do I need clinical understanding of my symptoms? → Therapist
Is this a work problem or future goal? → Coach
Have I already built coping tools and need “what’s next”? → Coach
Rupert’s experience: He’d already built tools to function. What he needed wasn’t therapy to understand the past—he needed a coach for what’s next.
✨ Conclusion
When you get diagnosed with ADHD as an adult, you need support. But not all support is the same.
Therapists and coaches serve different purposes. Understanding the difference helps you get the right help for what you actually need.
Your therapist can’t help you beat a PIP. Your coach can’t treat your trauma.
But together? They can help you build a life that works.
And if you’re lucky, you find a unicorn like Michael to do both.
🐼 Ready to navigate your own ADHD challenges with personalized support?
Get coaching that helps you find what works for your unique brain and situation.
⏭️ Next Week
Shame and self-acceptance.
Comments
Nothing yet. Say the first thing.
Sign in to join the conversation.