Love alone is never enough.

We were lied to.

‘’Find someone who loves you and you’ll be fine.’’ That is a big fat lie from the bottom pit of the deepest hell! Nobody told us that love is just the beginning. That Love is necessary but nowhere near sufficient. That you could have all the love in the world and still have nothing if everything else is missing.

If you like, rely on love alone, wo, you will shege banza! Your body will tell you.

Love does not teach you how to communicate with someone when you are both hurting and both convinced you are right. Love does not close the gap between two people who want fundamentally different things from life. Love does not create trust. It needs trust to survive, which is a very different thing. Love does not make someone show up consistently. Love does not make someone respect you. Love does not make someone consider you.

Talking about consideration…. consideration is the one nobody talks about enough. The one which I love. Oh my God! Consideration! What an interesting concept of love.

You can love someone and never once consider them. You can love someone and still make every decision from the center of yourself without ever stepping outside of it. You can love someone and be so consistently thoughtless about what you say or do for them.

If you consistently lack consideration for someone you claim to love, it raises the question of how deeply are you valuing them? No now, just think about it?

This is what happens when you rely on just love alone. It becomes just a feeling that doesn’t translate into safety, kindness or care or anything that makes you worthy of being with that person or a a human being.

Imagine someone tells you, ‘’I love you’’ but their words, behavior, mindset and everything suggests something else. Yuck!

I’ve said love alone is never enough, so what is enough then?

Love plus effort, plus respect, kindness, plus consideration and everything good in between. The kind that shows up without being asked, the kind that you don’t have to remind that you exists. Love plus two people who don’t just feel something but actively, repeatedly, on any day choose to show up for it.

Love is where everything starts but it doesn’t end there.

The grief of loving someone that still fell apart is its own specific kind of grief because you can’t point to where it went wrong the way you can when someone was cruel or dishonest or simply the wrong person from the beginning. Love can blind. Wo, it will blind your two eyes, all the rubbish you’re supposed to see, love wouldn’t let you see it.

We need to make peace with the fact that love can be genuine and still be insufficient like I said. That something can feel so right and still be so wrong. Following your heart, fully and faithfully, does not guarantee you arrive somewhere good. Use your head or else, you’ll cry.

Love is not nothing. It matters and is still one of the most important things that exist. It just cannot do everything we have been asking it to do.

The sooner we understand that, the sooner we stop being devastated when something full of love still falls apart.