!! psa: there is a voiceover at the top of this post where I read this article aloud in all its rawness & add in all my thoughts in-between the lines such as what the Lord taught me at 19, why I think the local church is important, & more.
two weeks ago, I turned 20. & I woke up feeling older. I woke up feeling cherished. I woke up feeling frightened. I woke up feeling ready. & not ready.
this day will go down in ansley claire history as one of my favorite birthday celebrations ever (I know, I say the same thing in every birthday blog post, read the other two here & here, but somehow, they just keep getting more special).
on my birthday, my sweet boyfriend Rob brought me not one, but two iced vanilla lattes. I went to lunch with several of my friends who encouraged me & prayed for me as I stepped freshly into a new year. I got a free bundt cake from Nothing Bundt Cakes. Rob took me to the bookstore & bought me Carrie by Stephen King (which I finished in three days). we went to a nice dinner where I wore a brand new teal + brown polka dot dress I just adored, & we watched Spiderman 3 to close the night. & on my birthday, I cried.
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I cried because they don’t tell you than when you turn 20 (or any age above really) you wake up feeling older. I cried because I went to bed thinking about the future - thinking about saving money, graduating college, my life changing in a handful of months, my family growing older too, how I don’t have a job lined up, the fact that I don’t live at home anymore & probably won’t again.
I cried because they don’t tell you than when you turn 20 (or any age above really) that it feels like the world is on your shoulders & you have to solve every little piece of this complicated puzzle called life overnight.
I cried because they don’t tell you that when you turn 20 (or any age above really) that you feel stuck between painfully reminiscing on the nostalgia of the past & the divide of being fearful + excited for the future ahead.
this busy, self-centered, hustle-based cultural moment that we live in is the thief of childlike faith.
it’s hard to hold onto the laughter & the belief when the world convinces us, children made in God’s image, that we have to strive to be liked. & that if we’re not stressed, we’re not doing something right.
we are expected to create perfectly or we’ll be rejected by the masses & booed with tomatoes at the ready. “oh no more than six likes on your post? doesn’t matter if it changed one person’s life, you’re still a failure & we hate you for trying.”
we are told to have it all together in order to be seen. & what even is “it”? seriously, does anyone know?
yes, there’s a grief that comes with getting older & there are bills to be paid when you hit a certain stage, but there is also a joy that comes with letting the Lord mold you like clay deeper into His image day by day. there is a richness is knowing that as you get older (& I’m speaking to myself here too), you have more of a capacity to hold onto the things of the Lord. & with more days, you can reach even more people for the Gospel.
there will be more memories to create that you will look back on fondly at an even older age, more delicious iced vanilla lattes to taste, & more people to love on that love you back.
change is scary according to culture, but in ecclesiastes 3:1-7 it says,
“for everything there is a season, & a time for every matter under heaven:
a time to be born, & a time to die; time to plant, & a time to pluck up what is planted; a time to kill, & a time to heal; a time to break down, & a time to build up; a time to weep, & a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; a time to cast away stones, & a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, & a time to refrain from embracing; a time to seek, & a time to lose; a time to keep, & a time to cast away; a time to tear, & a time to sew; a time to keep silence, & a time to speak.”
for! everything! there! is! a! season! &! a! time! for! every! matter! under! heaven!
psa: you should probably listen to the Lord’s still, peaceful voice instead of culture’s to give you perspective!!!!! for any situation really, but especially if you - like me - have struggled with culture’s idea of getting older. (for example: proverbs 16:31 says, “gray hair is a crown of glory; it is gained in a righteous life.”)
to grasp on to your childlike faith in the midst of getting older & in the current cultural moment is a feat because it’s holding onto our Savior Jesus Christ Himself, who loves the little children, who wants the little children to love Him, & who wants the little children to accept Him as their peace. there is a time for every matter under heaven. I hope this let’s you take a deep breath - I know it sure did for me.
until next time & with love,
ansley claire
I believe that everyone should have access to encouragement from a sister in Christ, so Tuesday Mornings is, & will stay, a free publication. however, if you feel led to support my Kingdom work with a little treat:
I hope each of you has a very happy rest of the week! praying for you! peace! I hope to see you again soon. I love you so much & so does Jesus Christ!
tuesday mornings is like the weekly news, but the news of an ordinary girl who writes about what the extraordinary God of the universe has done in her life!
also, pretty please tell me your thoughts about this post, what you’re learning in your faith walk, or just whatever is on your mind - I pinky promise I want to know!
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“therefore, encourage one another & build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.” - 1st Thessalonians 5:11
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