Photo: ©Tierra Mallorca, unsplash
Have you ever made a firm decision with your partner about something very important to them, only to realize you needed to revisit the topic?
It can be easy to feel a bit anxious about your partner’s reaction.
For example, the two of you spent months discussing whether to sell your house and move closer to friends and family. You decided to move forward and began selling possessions and making plans. However, you have just realized that something is wrong with your house, making it difficult to sell, and you are unsure whether you can afford a home in the new area. It’s tempting not to say anything, since you know that delaying the move will make your partner feel sad and angry. So, how can you raise the issue effectively?
Choose a time that is peaceful and when neither of you is hungry or exhausted
Be kind and empathic while being truthful and start softly: “I’m looking forward to relocating, and I know it’s very important to you. A couple of concerns are arising for me. Could we spend a few minutes talking about them?”
Be honest about your intentions. “To be clear, I’m not looking for reasons not to move. I’m fully aligned with our decision.”
Share the new facts you have found
Pause for your partner to express any feelings that are arising, and respond with empathy
Avoid pressuring your partner to move forward quickly
Inquire whether a pause in the discussion is needed
When the discussion goes forward, interact as respectful partners with equal voices, sharing thoughts and feelings about the situation
Arrive at a course of action to pursue
Whether there are new facts or not, it’s wise for couples to check in with each other about their decisions. Feelings can change, and the process of carrying out a decision may encounter bumps and difficulties. When something isn’t proceeding smoothly, it’s wise to assess whether to persevere or choose a new direction.
After making a decision, if you set a day/time or regular intervals to revisit it, reopening the discussion will feel safer and easier. You have a process in place. In addition, if it becomes the culture of your relationship for discussions between you to be peaceful and open, you will increase trust in each other and feel less concerned about raising an issue. Peaceful discussions are a hallmark of the Accordia Way.
Coach Susanne M. Alexander
If you’d like to become more mindful of how to navigate difficult moments in your relationship, the Accordia Way is designed to support you. It’s a process for making decisions together and overcoming challenges in unity, not by avoiding differences, but by learning to communicate with respect, clarity, and care.
Could your relationship benefit from coaching? We are happy to be of service:
Coach Susanne: Susanne@marriagetransformation.com
Coach Adrian: Adrian@thecoachadrian.com
No-Cost Accordia Way Resources
1. Accordia Way Communication Mirror – a free 60-second check-in tool to help couples notice whether their conversations are respectful, safe, and collaborative over time. https://qrco.de/aw-mirror
2. “Let’s Answer Your Most Pressing Questions Together” – a simple form where you can share real questions and challenges about money, decision-making, parenting differences, and long-term planning. Your submissions help shape future videos and live sessions. https://qrco.de/aw-answer
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