Dr. Lindsay Gibson’s Counterintuitive Self-Worth Advice

We’ve all heard of positive affirmations - you stand in front of a mirror and tell yourself some version of what you wish you could hear inside your own head.

“I’m strong.”

“I’m important.”

“I’m worthy of love.”

The idea is that as we repeat these wished beliefs, they’ll eventually replace the self-critical ones we internalized as children being raised by emotionally immature parents.

And if that were true, we’d all be our own biggest supporter by now.

Unfortunately, if you’ve struggled with self-worth for most of your life, a few positive affirmations are unlikely to reverse the flood of self-doubt constantly wreaking havoc beneath the surface.

According to Dr. Lindsay Gibson, while positive affirmations can help at a conscious level, they will often be insufficient because they do not address the deeper unconscious schemas, or mental frameworks, that we absorbed in childhood.

Instead, the answer lies in a highly counterintuitive practice: focusing on the negative beliefs.

Let me explain:

You take whatever unconscious belief you’ve been living with - the same one you’ve been trying to drown out with the affirmations - and you write it down in plain language.

For example: “I am not worthy of love unless I am useful.”

Then, every morning and every evening, for two weeks, you read that sentence out loud to yourself. You do it in a sincere voice, as if you really believe it, because the obvious and unfortunate truth is that you do.

And yes, I know how that sounds. The instinct, especially for those of us who’ve spent years (if not decades) trying to build ourselves back up, is to light this exercise on fire and dump its ashes into the sea.

We think why in the world would I say something cruel to myself out loud? For two weeks! Haven’t I heard enough of that already??

But according to Dr. Gibson, the difference is that this time we’re not doing it to reinforce or agree with the belief, but to surface it. The goal is to take this assumption that’s been silently operating beneath every decision, action, and relationship we face, and holding it up to the light where our conscious mind can finally see it clearly.

When we do that, Dr. Gibson says our brain will start to question it on its own. As we go through the process day after day, our intuitive, self-protective True Self will automatically begin pushing back - “I don’t know about that. I don’t think that’s quite right.”

That’s why affirmations can feel so empty and performative. They attempt to deny the reality of what’s actually there. Meanwhile the deeply ingrained schema sits beneath the hollow repetition, patiently waiting for the next moment of stress to reassert itself.

And so that’s the challenge, if you feel brave enough to accept it. Taking the belief that was embedded in you by parents who should have been building you up rather than tearing you down, and putting it to the light until something even deeper decides it no longer fits. Two weeks, twice a day. Shining the light on the darkness and watching as it withers away.

- Will Watson