I Trust That by God’s Grace I Am Being Saved

I recently reflected on death. Just in case you missed that post, here you go:

For You are the Raiser of the Dead

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Feb 12

Recently, a young woman in her early twenties in my closer circle of family and friends died. I mourned from afar with the family of Orthodox faith in the Netherlands. During that time, I felt a bit lost because of the cultural differences between a Middle Eastern mourning experience and my cultural understanding of when a death occurs. The way I encoun…

As I am writing this, we just entered Great Lent this past Monday, and so it seems to me a natural next step to reflect on my sinfulness before God. We all will leave this life at one point, and for those of us who have entrusted our lives to Christ, this is clearly a worthwhile consideration.

Sadly, my church in Glendale, AZ, does not own a building, so we are very limited in how often we can meet in person (usually just on Sundays). This also cuts down on my own experience with Syriac liturgies and prayers, for which I hope you will forgive me. I try my best to work my way through our published works, but so far, I have had little real exposure to many of these prayers in my three years in the Syriac Orthodox Church. Here is a part of what I read to not fall behind:

In all honesty, even if we had every single one of these prayer services or liturgies, I would probably still be limping behind since my Syriac isn’t far advanced enough to quickly follow (and my vocabulary stinks…!). Even more so, my Arabic is nonexistent. Likewise, in Germany, I am lacking Turoyo. Three languages I need. Reminder to learn more.

At any rate, all this just to lead up to what I really wanted to write about tonight: the great impact Lent has on my soul each and every year. So far this week, after Sunday’s Divine Liturgy, my husband and I have participated in his Greek Orthodox church in the Sunday afternoon Forgiveness Vespers, where we did probably around eighty to one hundred prostrations forgiving each other, two morning prayers (Rule of St. Pachomius, during which many Jesus Prayers are prayed), two Great Complines with the Canon of St. Andrew of Crete, and tonight we celebrated the Presanctified Gifts Liturgy (here is an explanation). Sounds like a lot, right? And there is more coming! Here is just this week, Wednesday through Saturday. Lent is in full swing!

But, oh, the beauty of it! Orthodoxy is so rich in all its expressions. Here are a few photos from this week (all from hubby’s church, St. George Orthodox Church in Prescott, AZ, for reasons mentioned above), starting with Forgiveness Sunday through tonight’s Presanctified Gifts liturgy.

But is it just the “smells and bells,” a critique sometimes offered? Is it really spectacularly beautiful, but without true Christian meaning? From this convert’s perspective, nothing could be further from the truth. The depth of the penitential prayers of the Lent season will tear up your soul and restore it at the same time. It will allow you to go deeper with Christ than you have ever traveled. Oh my soul rejoice!

Allow me to share a sample from the Canon of St. Andrew of Crete, which is prayed three times at St. George this week, and then again in its entirety during the fifth week of Lent:

Look upon me, O God my Savior, with Thy merciful eye, and accept my fervent confession.
I have sinned above all men, I alone have sinned against Thee; but as God take pity on Thy creature, O Savior.
My lustful desires have formed in me the deformity of my passions and have disfigured the beauty of my mind.
A storm of passions surrounds me, O compassionate Lord. But stretch out Thine hand to me, as once Thou didst to Peter.
I have stained the garment of my flesh and have defiled that which was made in Thine image and likeness, O Savior.
I have darkened the beauty of my soul with passionate pleasures and have turned my whole mind entirely to dust.
I have torn the garment that the Creator first wove for me in the beginning, and therefore I lie naked.
I have clothed myself in the torn robe that the serpent hath spitefully stitched for me by his counsel, and now I am ashamed.
I offer to Thee, O merciful One, the tears of a harlot. Cleanse me, O Savior, in Thy compassion.
I looked upon the beauty of the forbidden tree and my mind was deceived; and now I lie naked and ashamed.
The demons of passion have ploughed long furrows on my back, prolonging their wickedness upon me.

Here is another part that will just tear my gut to shreds when we chant it:

The end draws near, O my soul, the end draws near; yet thou dost not prepare, neither dost thou care. The time grows short. Arise, for the Judge is at the very doors. The days of our lives pass quickly, as if they were a dream, as if they were a flower. O why do we trouble ourselves in vain?

Arise, O my soul and consider all the deeds which thou hast done, and set them up before thine eyes. Now pour out the drops of thy tears and boldly confess to Christ of thy deeds and thoughts, and so be thou justified.

In life’s course, O Savior, there has been no sin, no deed, no wicked thing, that I did not commit. I have sinned as no one has ever before, in mind, word and intent, in purpose, deed and thought.

For this I am condemned and for this, wretch that I am, I am convicted by mine own conscience, more severe than all else in the world. O my Judge and Redeemer, Who knowest my heart, spare me, deliver me and save me, Thy servant.

In all my many years as a Protestant, no beautifully arranged Lenten service ever caused the severe introspection I now experience as I ponder how and why I could stray so far from God. This is what Metropolitan Kallistos Ware of blessed memory meant when he said, “I trust that by God’s grace I am being saved.” I want to seek His compassion with every fiber of my being, and I am assured it is there! Orthodoxy is always leading the battle against our human passions, whatever they may be.

And the hope for our souls is always Christ, is always the God who loves mankind:

Christ became man, calling sinners to repentance. Repent then, O my soul! For the doors of the Kingdom are already opened and the Publicans and penitent Pharisees and adulterers pass through before thee.

Christ became man by assuming my flesh and He willingly experienced all that belongs to our nature apart from our sin. Thus, He set before thee, O my soul, an example and image of His own condescension.

As I stood and prayed tonight at the Presanctified Gifts liturgy (which, from what I understand, once existed in parts of the Oriental Orthodox world as well), my mind afterward turned to my Protestant Lent experience years prior. During a potluck dinner that followed, I discussed this with another woman who is a convert to Orthodoxy. We both agreed that nothing, absolutely nothing, ever reached as deeply into our souls as what we are now experiencing during Lent in the Orthodox world.

And I know for one that my heart now is so ready for confession to prepare myself fully for the blessed Feast of the Resurrection, which I will joyfully celebrate with all my sisters and brothers.