The Back-to-School Letter Every Teacher Needs From You

We do this every year. We send our kids into a new classroom with a new set of students on every teacher’s roster.

The gradebook may a flag in the system next to several kid’s names. There may be a file on the desk with academic histories, 5 IEPs, 6 504s, and 8 EPs. Teacher’s may whisper heads up to one another in the teachers lounge about this kid or that kid.

None of that tells the new teacher who your child actually is.

An IEP tells them about diagnosis and accommodations. A 504 and EP gives a teacher curriculum modifications. None of them say: “She will often look like she is daydream, but she is actually processing. Giver her some longer wait time and she will respond.”

None of the documents will tell the teacher: “He loves soccer, builds complex Lego sets with ease , and will do anything for the kid sitting next to him — but transitions are a struggle.”

Those are the things you need to tell the teacher yourself. And there’s a way to say it without appearing like a helicopter mom or tiger mom, but instead signals to the teacher that you are looking for partnership this school year.

Before the first day, send an email to each of your child’s teachers. You should keep it to one page. Not a novel. Not a legal brief. A letter that says three things:

Who my child is without getting into a diagnosis.

What actually helps when they appear to be struggling with something

What their behavior really means so the teacher doesn’t misread it

That’s it.

Research found that early, strengths-based contact has positive impact on a students growth in the classroom (Azad et al., 2016). A 2024 randomized controlled trial also found that when parents were coached on how to effectively communicate with schools, students had better transitions according to their teachers ratings (Wells et al., 2024).

In other words, starting the year off with a positive partnership only reaps more positive for your child. A letter like this humanizes your child, which the paperwork just don’t do. Even when teachers have the best intentions.

Step one is to start with who your child is and not what they have.

Lead with the things that make a teacher want to know your kid. Something like: “My son loves soccer, talks about natural disasters constantly, and is super empathetic to his friends.”

Step two is to name the misreads.

This one is really important. You know your kid best. You were able to translate the word “juice” from their toddler era. It takes time for a teacher to translate behaviors and can very easily get it wrong. Writing something like “When he is fidgeting in his seat it may look like he is bored, but it is actually helping him concentrate.” You are give them the translation.

Step three is to give them your best 3.

The paperwork gives the teacher all the accommodations. You should pick the three that matter most during a regular class period. Things like written directions or saying their name before they ask your child a question. You are creating the cheat sheet.

Step four is to end with partnership, not demands.

“I know you have 25 students. I’m not asking for special treatment — I’m asking for partnership.” That sentence changes the dynamic.

Remember that you are not writing a legal brief. You don’t need to cite IDEA. Try to avoid words like “you are required to.” And definitely don’t reference last year’s struggles.

Do say:

“Here’s what I’ve learned works”

“When it looks like X, it’s actually Y”

“I’d love to connect early”

How you show up sets the tone and this letter is how you show up before the first bell rings.

Press send 1–2 weeks before school starts and email it to every teacher who will see your child. Middle school and high school aged students will have 6-7 teachers and you should customize the classroom-specific strategies for each one because what work’s in algebra may not work in ELA./

Then send a quick follow up the first week if you didn’t get a response: “Just checking that you received my letter. Happy to chat anytime.”

Around the first progress report, request a 10-minute check-in asking how you can support the teacher while your child is at home with you. The relationship you build now is the one you’ll need in November when the school breaks and off schedule school talent show happens.

Your child’s IEP is a legal document, but this letter is a human one.

It signals to the teacher that you see them as a valued partner in the raising of your child instead of a barrier you have to coach your child to survive through. Your child AND their teachers are all humans and are deserving of mutual respect.

That outlook changes everything.

Azad, G. F., Kim, M., Marcus, S. C., Sheridan, S. M., & Mandell, D. S. (2016). Parent-teacher communication about children with autism spectrum disorder: An examination of collaborative problem-solving. Psychology in the Schools, 53(10), 1071–1084. https://doi.org/10.1002/pits.21976

Wells, K. B., Tang, L., Nava, J., Kasari, C., Arias, M., Fagen, M. C., Lester, P., Meza, D., Norona, A. N., & Jones, F. (2024). Building better bridges: Outcomes of a community-partnered new school transition intervention for students on the autism spectrum. Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders, 55, 3100–3117. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10803-024-06285-7

Paid subscribers: Download the fill-in template — a two-page PDF with the letter, a do/don’t tone guide, and a when-to-send timeline. If you would like a free copy, join our Insight Parent Community.

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Want me to review your letter before you send it? Reply to this post and I’ll give you feedback.