your thoughts were never yours.

0 am.

a double decky burning in my gums.

i’m listening to an endless loop to an ambient track called 3 am.

it fulfils a missing piece in an endless puzzle.

my room is fully blacked out. yet there’s a breeze of wind.

there’s always that voice in the back of your head no matter what.

and it’s a weird feeling describing my thoughts. i never open up no matter what. it’s just who i am.

nobody views life from the lens i view it from.

we’re born into this world, never really realising our potential except the moment it’s too late.

and quite literally everything in reality, through a societal lens, works from the aspect of its “too late”.

“it’s too late to become successful.”

“it’s too late to save this relationship.”

“it’s too late to do something with your life.”

i never understood it and probably never will. at the end of the day there are no truths to reality other than what the subconscious mind accepts as true.

you see… you are not your thoughts nor are you actually “you”.

every single thought is a pattern.

a thought is a specific configuration of thousands of neurones firing together.

the chemicals and electricity are the medium the thought runs on, not the thought itself.

dopamine doesn’t feel like anything on its own.

what creates the actual experience of thinking, feeling, deciding is the pattern of activity across brain regions, which chemicals help create and modulate but don’t singularly constitute.

your thoughts were never yours to begin with.

they’re just imprints left by somebody else.

people can be so traumatised from past relationships that once you’re in a new relationship, old patterns seem to pop up everywhere.

the human mind has to worship something which for most people is their ego.

emotions turn inward, away from the nose, from reality.

no one really has the guts anymore to question themselves. simply because it’ll destroy their whole perception of reality.

everyone is too scared to take a deep look into their soul. and the thing society calls “you”.

everyone is trying to give you a cheat code to life.

but they’ll never take a deep dive into their soul.

humans escape their thoughts by distracting themselves with something.

but that something never fills the void.

people adapt a socially constructed identity an individual presents to the external world.

as long as it fits in right?

in fact, just scroll on tiktok for a few minutes and you’ll see people telling you how to suppress every emotion.

never truly realising that emotions are the centre of life.

most people don't realise that to reach the light, you first have to move through the darkness.

life constantly goes up and down no matter what. frequencies oscillate.

when i was 18, i went through times the average mind does not know how to comprehend.

i was pumped on research chemicals. always a snus in my upper gum. caffeine on repeat. and my beautiful girlfriend. just figuring out how to escape mediocrity and looking back at it, it was probably the best time of my life.

being awake for 48 hours. digging deep into topics. while also enjoying well spent time with my girlfriend.

i was taking naps on my floor just dreaming about the life i could live.

you see… there’s noise everywhere.

everyone seems to know what’s best for you.

but trust me. cut out the noise and realise that listening to someone about how you should live your life will never allow you to live life your way.

the only thing that truly matters is listening to yourself.

at the end of the day. you only live once.

do the thing even though it seems like it has no reason.

people wear a mask of happiness and peace for you.

they act like they're helping and teaching you.

but don't forget you don't need them.

stay schemin.

escape, a85.

you’ve got the morning routine, the vision, the “I’m working on myself” said in a tone that closes the conversation.

i see it. i’m not mocking it.

i’m pointing out that it’s not where you live.

where you live: you already know exactly what you want. you’ve described it to yourself at 2am more times than you’d admit. you haven’t moved not from disbelief, but because getting it means becoming someone your current circle won’t fully recognise.

so you keep refining the picture instead of taking the step. a picture can’t reject you. a decision can.

that’s the room you’ve been standing in. this is the door out of it.

i urge you to click this link.