Maye Musk

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Elon Musk sobbing.

Maye

"What is it honey?"

Elon

"They're picking on me mummy." Sob.

"Who's picking on you darling? "

"Biden and the government. Saying nasty things and lawsuits and stuff." Sob. Tears flow.

"That's terrible dear. Do you want a glass of warm milk and cookies? "

"Yes mummy." Sniffle.

"Jives-JIVES! - Where's that fucking useless butler! JIVES!"

Jives arrives in a few seconds -

"Yes mum. I'm right here mum."

"What took you so long? Elon wants some warm milk and cookies. You're neglecting him!"

Jives

"Yes mum, right away mum. What kind of cookies would Master Elon like?"

Elon  

"Chocolate chip- and make sure they're warm!"

Jives

"Yes sir, very good sir, right away sir...."

Maye

"Sweetie, after you finish your milk and cookies, maybe you could go play with your rockets or cars or kill some more monkeys. You might feel better.'

Elon smiles wiping tears away.

"I like the monkey idea."

"That's nice dearest. Killing something always makes you feel better. Don't you worry - mummy is going to straighten this all out for you."

Jives arrives with the milk and cookies.

White House receptionist

"Good afternoon the White House"

Maye

"I need to speak to the fool in charge "

"I'm sorry, who?"

'That idiot who's picking on my son."

"Who's your son?"

"Elon Musk you nitwit"

"And who is this call directed to?"

"POTUS you moron."

"And who might you be?"

"This is Maye Musk, Elon Musks mother."

"I'm sorry, the president is in a meeting with the joint chiefs presently and unable to take calls; may I take a message?"

"You tell him whose calling or Elon will shut down his X account and take away all his campaign funds."

"Yes ma'am , please hold."

"President Biden sir, I'm sorry to interrupt but Elon Musks mother is calling and says it urgent. She doesn't sound happy. She said she was going to cut off your campaign funds and block you on X formerly known as Twitter if you don't take her call."

Bidens eyes widen and he grows pale-

"Put her on right now! What are you waiting for?!"

President Biden

"Yes Maye. Nice to hear from you. How can I help you?"

Maye

"YOU ASSHOLE! You upset my son with all these fabricated allegations! You're not even in the billionaires club!"

"Now Maye.."

"Don't now Maye me! Don't you know my son is trying to save the world, you idiot? Making all those rocketships and cars and brain thingies? Why just that brain thingies that'll make everyone happy and think how wonderful the government is. All through the internet and wifi! And now he's working on populating the ENTIRE solar system with a TRILLION people! Competing with that ASSHOLE BEZOS. Do you have any idea how hard it is?"

POTUS

"What's hard?"

Maye

"The whole thing you moron!"

POTUS

"I expect so... Wish mine was. Still waiting for that brain implant of his. Viagra don't cut it anymore. Now what's the problem with Elon? Is he having another tantrum?

"He's been crying all morning. Something about all these investigations by the government."

"Now Maye, don't get excited. It's just a formality we have to go through. You know he's made donations to the supreme Court and Congress so it's already all taken care of. I can't imagine what his problem is."

"He's upset is the problem! What the fuck is wrong with you? Him SAVING the planet isn't good enough for you? Not to mention all the work he's going to have to do to populate the solar system? Competing with that cue ball headed Bezos."

"Now Maye, the rocket blowing up was all smoothed over.... and the monkeys are well, just monkeys, and he has our full support on his new factory in China for the battery factory. And firing one employee after all the ones he fired after he bought Twitter? Lazy worthless buffoons. And the cooperation with foreign countries? That's where we get our cheap labor and save our country from being polluted. All those nasty chemicals can get dumped into the Pacific. I don't know what all the fuss is about. And I'm sure he'll enjoy the competition with Bezos populating the solar system. He's brilliant you know.”

"Well maybe I over reacted. I'm sure he'll feel better after his milk and cookies and he kills a few monkeys. Nasty smelly creatures."

"Well Maye, I'm looking forward to my upcoming brain implant and a ride on his rocket and ESPECIALLY that implant- make things hard again for me. Gotta get back to Bibi and the joint chiefs. We're planning the next arms shipment for Israel. We're thinking cluster bombs would be fun for a change. The boys here tell me that "the best used by date" is about to expire on them and it would be a shame to let them go to waste. They'll give the kiddies in Gaza something to play with! We're going to put them in the bargain bin for Bibi and save him and the taxpayers some money! Hate to let em go to waste. Since we're out of the area for the natural gas now Exxon won't have a problem drilling and have them in the way to trip over. And tell Elon that Exxon really appreciates Tesla. It's going to help increase profits from all the fossil fuel needed for battery charging!

Well, gotta run now. You tell Elon I said hi, and we'll send him some Kleenex with the White House emblem on them! Talk to you later! Hugs and kisses!

"You too Joey ! I'm so glad we got this all straightened out!

Maye

"How are you feeling sweetie - were the milk and cookies good?

Elon

"Yes mummy, but the cookies weren't warm enough. I'm going to visit the monkeys now.

"That useless fucking Jives. We ought to get rid of him. Maybe send him to Gaza to deliver sour milk and stale cookies to the human animals. Filthy beasts. Jives-JIVES - pack your bags - you're going to Gaza for a vacation! Aren't you lucky?”

Jives

Yes mum. Thank you mum. Very kind of you mum.

https://www.businessinsider.com/maye-musk-president-joe-biden-elon-musk-making-world-better-2023-12

https://apnews.com/article/china-tesla-megapack-battery-factory-shanghai-306b4f6678c6827080a7bf49d55d12ee

https://finance.yahoo.com/news/jeff-bezos-elon-musk-human-170119555.html