Why you might be the worst haggler in the world...

I’m sitting on my Brown Jordan Kalua lounge chair that I bought from a Thousand Oaks lifetimer. His mom had bought this seven piece set in the 70’s. Luckily for me no one typically wants a giant outdoor set from 1979. I grabbed it off of Facebook marketplace for $300 and had Lugg deliver it.

If you’re interested in a lounge chair (Brown Jordan is the standard for me) of your own, it’s an easy lowball option on Facebook, probably more so on Craigslist. No one wants them.

If you’d rather search through the remnants of someone’s lifetime in a house with sun faded floral wallpaper, if you find the company of old people sifting through Mickey Mouse collections a comforting shopping experience, or you just want to “get a good deal”....the estate sales are calling.

I’m here to give my estate sale shopping tips…advice…wisdom. I’d say first and foremost, don’t be a bitch about it. If you can get past that, you managed to wait in line without tapping your foot, you might just be on your way to this proposed “good deal”.

I never know what that means when it comes to estate sales. I know how I feel on an ebay bid, or when someone is hiking up the price of blown out track pants because athleisure is cool currently. I’m probably a more offensive lowballer when hidden behind a burner account (I have a few on ebay).

With estate sales, you’re a bit of a loser if you offer a low price. I’ll explain. 1. It’s a deceased person’s belongings, and you should believe in karma 2. Oftentimes there really isn’t a comp for extremely old, rare, handmade pieces. No matter what you say… 3. An estate sale is a limited experience, the last two days this home will look the way it has for 50 years. Before realtors come in and insist on eggshell walls. Pricing can relay that experience. It may be annoying at times, but such is life.

You can always lowball, respectfully. If it’s $20 bucks you’ll get $15. If you’re buying a giant, 1,000 lbs lacquered coffee table that’s $300, and you notice a small scratch on the side, maybe you can get it down to $210. If it’s a Chanel bag everyone wants, I wouldn’t even try. Or, I’d grab two Chanel bags..a Chanel bundle… and maybe politely inquire about a few bucks off.

My top estate sale tips I guess, other than leave the salt & pepper shakers alone, are the following:

-Don’t run into the sale at open you look dumb.

-Bring cash for optimum haggling power.

-Look in the closets and drawers, unless they are taped off.

-ALWAYS be nice to the security guards, they can really hook it up.

-Blurry photos sometimes mean fair prices, other times it means just a bad sale…

-Some of my favorite sales have been in the Valley, around Long Beach, up PCH almost to Ventura, look everywhere.

-If you don’t want a specific item, go midday, you’ll skip the morning line.

-Don’t show up right before close. It’ll annoy the employees and limit your haggling power.

-If things aren’t priced you’re (probably) in for a deal at checkout.

-A lot of old people (estate sale company owners) hate Venmo for some reason. Don’t argue over it, just Zelle them instead.

-Showing an employee what an item sells for on ebay will not get you a better price. I’d just buy it on ebay then.

-If there’s a lot of designer clothing, the general vintage will oftentimes be priced more approachably.

And lastly…no, you can’t bring your dog.

Below are 10 estate sales I would hurl myself to this weekend. Herb Ritts posters, Post-Modern XL chaises, a bedazzled Marilyn Monroe bag and numerous competing designer clothing sales..

It’s a necessary run on sentence.