Parenting is not that complicated.

Things Are Not That Complicated

I think we have a strange habit of making everything much more complicated than it actually is.

A little inconvenience happens..and we start making fake scenarious in our mind..we are given a little task and we keep on delaying it and assuming that its a huge mountain…so todayyy i visited my village..and one of the women asked me..zahra. my daughter…she doesnt pray..she is 6 years old..i dont know how to introduce her to Allah..how to train her..make her foundation and basics strong.

We want our children to pray, read the Qur’an, exercise, speak gently, respect people, have discipline, have good manners, take care of themselves and grow into decent human beings.

What do we do if we want our children to grow up doing beautiful things? Read the Qur’an, pray, exercise, speak gently, respect people, take care of themselves, have discipline, have manners…? Apparently, we can stop giving TED Talks to our children and start looking at our own lives. Because today I witnessed the CUTEST live demonstration of a child psychology in my village. It was Zuhr prayer, and I was sitting there reciting the Qur’an. I have this personal habit where I keep a glass of water beside me while reciting and then drink it afterward. (Don’t ask me for the scientific explanation because honestly, I don’t have one. It’s simply something I do and it has become meaningful to me.) So I’m sitting there peacefully with my Qur’an and my little glass of water… and i finished and was about to get up ..when i saw the same girl..whose mother talked to me earlier came and sat beside me..she was analyzing very carefully.. and suddenly..a thought came in my mind …what do i do..how do i introduce her to Allah..what are the words..how do i make her pray..so after some minutes she stands up.and go outisde the room. She brings a completely random bowl of water. Then she picks up an Islamic Studies book, sits down EXACTLY like I was sitting, opens it, starts reading and goes, “Bismillah… Bismillah… Bismillah…” Then she starts reciting over the water and drinking it. I JUST SAT THERE. 💀 Like, child, NOBODY gave you an assignment. Nobody said, “Now go imitate her.” You literally watched me doing something and decided, “Ah yes. Apparently this is the family procedure.” And honestly, that tiny moment explained so much about children. We spend so much time telling children what to do: “Pray.” “Read Qur’an.” “Be respectful.” “Don’t shout.” “Exercise.” “Stop using your phone.” “Have good manners.” And then five minutes later we’re shouting at them while holding OUR OWN PHONE in our hand. 😭 (Parents, respectfully… the child is taking notes. YOU are the curriculum.) Children don’t just listen to what we say. They study what we repeatedly do. If you shout, they learn shouting. If you insult, they learn insults. If you constantly complain, they learn complaining. If you are gentle, they learn gentleness. If you apologize when you are wrong, they learn humility. If they see you praying, they learn that prayer is something people actually DO, not merely something adults tell children to do. If they see you picking up the Qur’an with love, they learn that the Qur’an is not just a book sitting on a shelf waiting for Ramadan. And if they see you treating people with dignity, they learn what dignity looks like. Children are basically tiny surveillance cameras with absolutely ZERO privacy settings. They notice EVERYTHING. Your tone. Your habits. Your reactions. The way you speak to your mother. The way you speak about your father. The way you treat people. The way you react when you’re angry. The way you talk about yourself. The things you do when nobody is “watching.” And then one day you hear your own words coming out of their mouths and suddenly you’re like, “WHO TAUGHT YOU THAT?!” Ma’am. Sir. Respectfully. YOU DID. And honestly, this applies far beyond children too. People often wonder why their relationships keep becoming a certain way while forgetting that we teach people how to interact with us through what we repeatedly tolerate, accept, encourage and demonstrate. (Yes, I know. We started with a tiny child and somehow ended up in relationship psychology. Please stay seated. 😂) If a woman constantly abandons herself for everyone, she may unintentionally teach people that her needs come last. If she respects herself, communicates clearly, protects her boundaries and knows her worth, she teaches people that this is how she expects to be treated. If she loves herself without arrogance, she creates a different standard for the love she accepts. If she constantly excuses disrespect, people may learn that disrespect comes without consequences. If she values herself, her time, her priorities and her dignity, the people around her eventually understand that those things matter. (Not because she is playing games. Not because she is trying to “control a man.” Please. We are adults. It’s because healthy relationships are built through mutual standards, not silent self-abandonment.) And the same principle applies to men. A man who respects himself, respects his partner, communicates honestly and treats people with kindness teaches others what kind of relationship he is willing to build. We are constantly teaching people how to treat us—not only through what we SAY, but through what we repeatedly SHOW. And that little girl today reminded me of something incredibly simple: sometimes the best way to teach someone is to stop explaining and start living. Because she didn’t hear my lecture about the importance of Qur’an. She saw me reading it. She didn’t hear me explain my little water habit. She saw me doing it. She didn’t need a motivational speech. She just copied what she saw. And honestly? That tiny girl sitting there with her random bowl of water, repeatedly saying “Bismillah,” trying to recreate something she had watched me do… that was one of the sweetest reminders I’ve had in a long time. 🥹🤍 Children are watching. Your younger siblings are watching. Your nieces and nephews are watching. Your friends are watching. Sometimes even the people you think aren’t paying attention are quietly learning from you. So if you want to change the world around you, perhaps start with the person in the mirror. (Read the Qur’an because you love it. Pray because you need Allah. Speak gently because gentleness is beautiful. Exercise because your body deserves care. Respect yourself because you were never meant to live without dignity.) And maybe one day, without you even realizing it, some tiny human will bring a random bowl of water, sit beside you, open a book and start copying you. And you’ll realize: “Oh. So THAT’S what they were learning from me.” 🥹🤍 (Children don’t always remember our lectures. They remember our example.) And honestly, that is both the most beautiful responsibility… and the most terrifying reality check.

~ZAHRA ARIF KHAN🌸