An Introduction to Healthy Boundaries

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DISCLAIMERS

1. I am not a professional counselor, doctor, therapist, psychologist, or an expert of any kind in this area. However, I am a former Southern Baptist kid (and Pastor’s wife) now living a healthier version of faith in adulthood. A huge part of that journey was learning how to hold healthy boundaries in light of the “forgive and forget” messaging I learned and deeply internalized as a kid. I’ve spent the better part of the past decade in therapy talking mostly about religion and boundaries– do with that what you will.

2. The information I’m sharing here is not intended for anyone in an abusive situation. If you are suffering abuse (or questioning if it is abuse), please get help.

   The National Domestic Violence Hotline:
   Call 800.799.SAFE
   Text START to 88788
   You can also chat online

3. This article is not about how to cut off family members or deal with those from whom you are currently estranged. Family estrangement is a very difficult situation and I have absolutely no qualifications to speak on that topic. If you find yourself in this situation and struggling, I’m very sorry. I’m sure that you have handled it in the best way you know how and have probably still suffered for it.

4. Lastly, these words are not meant to be prescriptive but I hope they are encouraging. If you find yourself in need of some support as you figure out what it means to take care of yourself in the midst of other (non-abusive) people’s expectations and opinions, know that you are not alone, you have options, and you have autonomy.

Last month my husband was named as a dangerous progressive pastor who is trying to talk teens out of real1 religion.

On a podcast I’ve never encountered (although it’s fair to say that I’m not listening to any parenting podcasts, much less Conservative Christian ones), the podcaster asked his guest, “Who are some of the new names that if you see your kid reading this book or watching this YouTube channel, like, pay attention.” Zach was the second person named as someone to watch out for.

Hear me out: I’m sure I’m biased as I’m married to and actually like Zach W. Lambert, but the notion of him being some super villain out to taint the faith of American teenagers is wild. He is a church planter and engaged local pastor. Zach has committed his life to helping people stay in church if at all possible, but sometimes staying means reconsidering and rearranging and this is a bridge too far for these folks.

I keep imagining a teenager laying on their living room couch, drinking a diet coke, eating takis, and reading Better Ways to Read the Bible on a summer afternoon while their parents spiral about the dangers of exposure to new ideas about how to experience a healthy and vibrant faith.

LOL YOU GUYS.

Of all the dangerous, scary, or harmful things a teenager could be doing, reading a book about the Bible does not even come close to making the list.

While I find this “fear” funny, these people seem to want their listeners to be genuinely afraid of their kids reading a book about the Bible that doesn’t frame it the way they have sold it to them. They are pitching deconstruction as a rebellious act rather than a faithful reconsideration. It is either their way or heresy.

I’ve been out of that world for a long time now so it’s easy to forget how desperate many people are to not only cling to their very specific version of Christianity but to make sure their kids do, too. They’re demonizing anyone who says, “You know what? There might be a better– or just different!– way of reading Scripture.” They cry, “Heretic!” and “Wolf in sheep’s clothing!” when they see someone who doesn’t agree with their very narrow view of Christianity. They shame anyone who is brave enough to reconsider while simultaneously decrying the decline of critical thinking skills in America.