I thought I'd be there by now

sometimes the siren call of perfectionism taunts and draws me, so that when I fall short of my own expectations, I am fully disoriented and lie on the ground, licking my wounds for longer than is strictly necessary. self-flagellation, etc. so this one goes out to me, and to all those who resonate.

you thought you would be there by now

that you would be complete,

or something…

but you were wrong

= = = = = = =

and not because “there” isn’t a place to get to

and not because “complete” is impossible

but because it’s like asking:

“when will the river fill the ocean?”

or “when will the sun be finished giving light?”

= = = = = = =

as they are doing what they are meant to do

so are you forever arriving

so are you ever being filled

so are you ever being made complete

= = = = = = =

and unlike the supposed eventual death of the sun,

there will be no cold death for the soul

that embraces the endlessness of its origin—

those who seat themselves at the table of God

receiving in the proffered dinner jacket

their invitation

will ever and always find that,

as his light cannot cease from shining,

so too can they never cease to be filled

and filled anew

and to find that the cup is always

overflowing

which is filled by the servant-king

= = = = = = =

so no,

you have not arrived,

but you are arriving

you are not complete,

yet you are being made complete

and you are not saved,

but you are being saved,

daily and hourly

as you

through the warm winter light

of repentance

humbly and gratefully partake

in the self-offering life

and death, and life again,

of the God-man

who came to fill all things

in heaven and earth,

and under the earth,

now,

in this room as it is

and always shall be

in heaven

amen.

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reflection Q: if God made us to be filled to the full, how does our day to day deviate from or participate in that? how should we experience our trials and our lack? or even our victories and our peace?

thanks for being here. I write weekly sharing poetry, songs, musings, thoughts on creative life, and hopefully some encouragement…

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with gratitude,

Z