This Will Drive A Man Crazy

Late-ish night for me last night. Real late for me, really. Sitting around the fire with a friend till about 9:30 then off into a book till nearly 11. I’ve been having the craziest dreams the past few days so sleep hasn’t felt restful. Up at 4:11 a.m, woken up by a dream that felt more like reality. I lay there thinking on it, wondering how it came to be. A man can drive himself crazy trying to understand everything, let alone a dream.

Movement starts, first the toes, ankles then knees. Guess I’m to the age to not trust a quick jump out of bed anymore. Or maybe because of all the wear and tear I put and continue to put on this earth suit. Up before I put much more thought into it… shaking off that dream with a long pee. I reach up with my toes to flush the toilet, a habit created before I can remember. “Still limber enough to do that” an ego boost for a mind wrestling with the dream world.

Into teeth brushing, out to start coffee and chugging down 30 ounces of water with an LMNT. Then to my comfy spot next to the bookshelf, sitting under the Edison bulb light and (fake) palm tree. My thermos, the same one I took with me 1,000 ft underground in the West Virginia coal mines, is filled with 5 cups of coffee. It’s a simple reminder of where I’ve been and to never lose the parts of me who made me, me. I table my coffee cup that says “best dada ever” and 8 ounces of water on a plant shelf that I’ve converted to a mini coffee table.

All the books I’m reading right now are within arm’s reach. The Greatest Words Ever Spoken (simply everything Jesus ever said, listed by topics) I try to make it my first consumption of content most mornings. The Bible (currently in Paul’s Letters). Wild Goose Chase by Mark Batterson, Beatitudes by Simon Tugwell, and Abandonment to Divine Providence by de Caussade. Probably more books than one man needs to read at once but nonetheless it works for me. I like to read an hour or two or more a day. Mornings and nights if possible. A habit I didn’t adopt to this extent till later in my 20’s.

The monitor set up… waiting for the call from little man. I hope he gives me till 8 a.m. today… it’d be nice to write an article.

I read the sticky notes my wife left me… Months or years ago? I don’t remember when. She’s always reminding me of how she sees and loves me. I never grow tired of hearing it.

A theme in our home is to encourage one another. I believe it’s a spiritual gift of mine and in the least boastful way I can say, encouragement has always come naturally to me. My mother inherited the same gift and passed it on to me. Now Ash and I share it with our boys and with as many people as we come in contact with.

Ambrose on walks claps up runners and walkers and says “nice, good job!” Every runner knows how good it feels to get a “good job” mid run, so we serve ‘em up like free pizzas.

BOOM! I look over at the monitor with a slight brace of “here we go” but it was just Ambrose rolling over. I smile and keep writing. It’s not that I don’t want to spend time with him… surely, these days will be missed. But right now the coffee is so good, the morning is so quiet, the writing is so freeing. Give me another hour and I’ll be really locked in! BOOM… another roll over. Might need to wrap this up before I want. Ain’t that life? Nothing ever really goes to plan and even when it does there’s tension there to keep the plan. It’s better to hold it all loosely, let go and trust God. Practicing it in the small helps in the big, so it seems.

Lots of adventures planned today with little man. Ash is still away in Cave Creek, AZ leading a women’s trip. Better get going, gonna need another 5 cups to bring the energy. Gotta make eggs for Ambrose too. Ash does a lot and I notice but you don’t really know till you live a few days in someone else’s shoes. “I should give more grace to… everyone. Really have no clue what someone is going through. Good mantra for today. I should tell someone about Jesus too considering he’s the one who extended this grace to me. Challenge accepted.”

With Love
Zach