The more you know, the more you doubt yourself

At 19, I was the youngest mortgage advisor in the Netherlands. I passed all the financial exams and earned every required diploma. But selling €3,000+ mortgage services to people in their fifties? That was a different game.

My age and gender worked against me before I even opened my mouth. Because my clients expected someone older than their youngest son. At least someone who was already alive when they bought their first life insurance policy.

So I wore a suit and traded my contact lenses for glasses. Small adjustments to avoid that split-second brain error. It didn’t make me more competent. But it helped in building trust that I knew what I was talking about.

The appointments came through the company. Clients already trusted the brand before I showed up. My job was just to not mess up that first impression and deliver excellent work.

But when you work for yourself, nobody does that pre-selling for you. You have to be good at what you do AND make sure you build trust.

That’s where most people get stuck.

The more you know, the more you see how much you still don’t know. So you hesitate on your pricing and downplay how good you are because you’re painfully aware of all the gaps.

Meanwhile, someone who’s half as good charges triple and talks about their work with total certainty.

And you’re sitting there watching this happen. You see people with less experience book out their calendars. They talk about what they do like it’s the most natural thing in the world, while you’re second-guessing every word.

The unfair part? They’re not winning because they’re better. They’re winning because they’re more confident.

That suit did two things. It made my clients take me more seriously, which gave me the confidence to show up differently. And because I felt more confident, I actually came across as more credible. It became a positive loop.

The opposite is also true. When you doubt yourself internally and let that show externally, people pick up on it. They start to hesitate. Which makes you doubt yourself even more. Which makes them hesitate more.

It’s a spiral that feeds itself.

Nowadays, I never wear suits (they don’t match my shaved hair and tattoos). But I still pay attention to what helps me feel confident before I show up.

Sometimes that’s scrolling through the feel good folder on my phone. Sometimes it’s remembering that I’ve done this before and it went well. Sometimes it’s just the right outfit.

That doubt isn’t telling you you’re not good enough. It’s telling you that you actually understand how much there is to know. The person with zero doubts? They haven’t learned enough yet to see what they’re missing.

So a little bit of doubt can stay. But don’t let it control how you price your work, how you talk about yourself and what you do, or whether you go for opportunities.

Because not the best or most qualified person wins, but the most confident one.

That’s not fair. But it’s true.

You’re already good enough. Better than you think. You just have to believe it yourself.

Enjoy your day,

Yvette