why can’t we call our friends back?

Yesterday morning, I walked out into the blistering heat to check my mailbox. Something caught in my throat; I felt convinced I was forgetting something. I likely am in a way, all the time; life is exploding in the way a soft fruit might (all fragrance, all sweet)

&

I’m glad of the nectar, but I’ve something between my teeth. Something is a-brewing. Can feel it.

play me

It was sometime last month, doing some rote action, like refreshing my email inbox for the third time that afternoon, that it came to me. I say yes to almost nothing at the last minute, having built an operating system that works well for me (I think). The thing (and there’s always A Thing) is that it exists with some protection…the sleep I need/food I have to get right/modalities/routines/work containers/militant practices that keep me functioning at the level everything demands (or at the level I think everything demands)

&

though I stand by all of it, and it’s been my way of staying on the planet, I know that the very structures we believe keep us alive can become a sorta-kinda prison. Well, there we are, optimising and optimising until the optimising is the whole life, dontcha think???

Course you're hitting your nutritional goals and protecting the sleep number, but it's possible that the other more relational earth-things go to shite quite quickly. Ever got so good at maintaining yourself that you’ve failed to make room for anything you didn’t schedule on Google Cal??? What then? I’ll tell you. You’ve built a beautiful, well-regulated, perfectly protected, lonely, sterile existence that almost nothing new can wriggle its way into, and that ain’t life either. I think a lot of us are in this bind right now. So many of us are living happyish-solo, running our own small tight ships, hitting our private targets, and calling it wellness.

Do the private work

Here are the SOFT INTERROGATIONS that stopped me this week.

I am hitting my sleep/nutritional/, and protein goals. Am I hitting my friendship goals?

Why is it so easy to track my macros and so hard to call my friends back?