collected writings of ben yaxley, rainy colbert, and the yiz
i would say i havent been writing because life has been unfunny but in truth it is because i am spending all my energy on other pursuits. one of them is eradicating the bedbugs from my house. i have yet to see this as a humourous task. mostly it is costly and tiresome. please give me some bed bug advice. most of my creative energy is going into editing a music writing publication called mouthguard…
the other day i made a joke about moonshine to a widespread applause: look, i know i may not be everybody's cup of tea, but there's no tea in this cup.. only moonshine. i came up with this joke a couple years ago but i never said it aloud until the other day. well, i just did a cautionary search and unfortunately this joke has been made before. the joke had been made by a facebook meme page with…
my whole life i have taken the wrong stuff seriously and the right stuff not seriously enough. and when i have taken the right stuff seriously it has been "too seriously" because it has been taken unseriously by everyone else, so now, now now now i outright REFUSE to take this right stuff seriously, i REFUSE, and i will only take seriously the things i want to take seriously and all the other…
today there was a weird guy on the bus. he was a normal guy really but he was wearing a bright pink helmet and on the seat next to him was a big cubic bag that said DOOR DASH. so he wasnt weird but it was weird he was on the bus and not on a bike or scooter or hog. and he wasnt just weird, he was dishonest. the whole appeal of food delivery is the outsourcing of petty fuel and labour. we like that…
lately ive been feeling like living which feels quite good. for instance today i went to the library. most libraries in perth are not very good. they bin almost every book as soon as it shows a sign of having been read, so you are left with aisles of crisp, glossy rectangles of dubious quality. at least a spluttered and dogeared book gives you some hope, a feeling of following in an unrelated…
today the police came to my house. apparently multiple neighbours had reported a disturbance, something about someone throwing bricks onto my roof or something. i thanked them for their concern, but i said not to worry. it really didnt matter in the grand scheme of things, besides, i'd already had all the windows repaired from where the bricks had missed; my uncle the glassier had come straight…
back before smart phones we used to have magnifying glasses. you dont see them much today but that was how me and my friends spent our time. we liked to look at bugs and try set fire to them. then we realised that if your held it to your skin for long enough, you would eventually burn. we had challenges to see who could do it the longest, but people were always cheating. you could never count on…
i docked into the port of freo way hay, bully in the alley i walked around and felt so freo bully in the shinbone al back in the maritime days, everyone was always getting bully in the alley. this was sailor for having a good time - a time so good that you woke up next day in a disgusting old alley, and when the boatswain would call his roll, any absent sailor would be marked as B.I.A. and the…
people say the oldest tool in the world was made for stabbing and cutting up meat but i know for a fact that this isn't true. the nature of man is not one of violence. man's nature is one of peace and creativity. today my anthropologist friend gavin showed me that the oldest tool in the world was in fact not a knife used for killing but a knife used only for whittling. the cavemen were lousy…
whenever someone asks me a question, i answer, and if it is the kind of question i wish to answer in detail, well, i do so, but, a very interesting thing happens when i am allowed to answer an interesting question. it is not that the person in front of me disappears , it is more that they become obscured, overlayed to be precise. it is as if they are are standing in a dark room and i am in the…