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So these are gonna be quick tips, but these are scientifically proven to change the perspective of how people see you. And this is an instant. Almost like animalistic response.

So even if you don’t like these answers, it’s not what you want to do. This is not what you want to do or not to do. This is if you wanna have this power, here’s how to do it.

Wear lipstick, not lip gloss. Lipstick is of executives who care about looking presentable and value classic elegance and manners. Glittery lip gloss is for young women seeking attention from boys. Do not sexualize yourself at work.

It doesn’t work for anyone. It’s not gonna give you any type of respect. It will actually diminish your words. And it doesn’t matter if you like it or not, this is just how humans work.

The same goes for men. Don’t wear overly tight shirts to show off your muscles. It makes you look desperate for gym-compliments.

So, imagine that you’re sitting in a conference room and you’re waiting for a group of people to arrive, first someone arrives in sneakers, you don’t hear them, and then suddenly they just show up at the door, they’re out of breath, and they sit down and they start like fiddling with their, backpack.

The next person you can hear the rhythm in the corridor before you even see the person. You will instantly assume there’s a leader coming into the room because that power of the sound, we’re so emotionally attuned to sound, it’s gonna sound almost like a military leader coming into the room.

You know how you hear like a platoon and they’re rhythm. You instantly associate that with power and it’s also another part of it. You are not trying to be silent and unseen if you have heels or shoes that make sound. And this is works for men and women, you will be assumed to be a leader and that you are confident and ready to take space. You’re not gonna excuse your presence in the room. You are portraying to them that you are not someone to ignore.

And ways you can do this is with high heels for example, you can also use boots that has like a riding boot heel and any type of shoe leather shoes, preferably that has a firm sole. And you’ll hear this if you try shoes in the store. It’s so effective. It literally changes how people sit in the room. I’ve tried this, and the difference is like staggering.

When you wear shoes that announce your arrival, you’re communicating several things:

You’re not trying to be silent and unseen
You’re confident and ready to take up space
You won’t apologize for your presence in the room
You’re not someone to ignore

Next part is you have a pre-made agenda and take notes on all decisions, asking for information on agreed decisions to make your notes clear, which shows you are interested in actually taking decisions in the meeting. You’re not a passive viewer or a bystander. And it also shows that you will remember the decisions taken.

Even if it’s not your meeting, you should have your own notes and the agenda for the meeting prepared. And if your leader, the one who is holding the meeting, didn’t give you an agenda, you email them beforehand and ask for the agenda so you can set this up and that shows them that you’re here to get results and you care about the information. It shows respect for the person holding the meeting. And it also shows that you want to collaborate. You are here to work with them. You’re not just here to spectate.

This shows several things:

You’re here to achieve results
You care about the information being discussed
You respect the person holding the meeting
You want to collaborate actively

And anyone who doesn’t take notes, just so you know in their head, they’re gonna remember that you hold all the power because after the meeting. You are the one who has the notes on the decisions and what was said in the meeting, which means you have all the power.

So for every meeting, you should always date it. You should always note who took the decision or who made suggestions and what the final words are. The final decision is on the meeting. And tag the meeting so you can find them later. Trust me in six months when everybody’s panicking, ‘cause they’re looking for information or a decision made when you are the one who can casually bring up your agenda with your document and just show them, it doesn’t matter who has the title of leader, you are the real leader.

They will be so thankful for you providing that security for the team and that stability to lean on.

For every meeting, follow this documentation system:

Date the meeting and note participants
Note who made each decision or suggestion
Record the final decisions clearly
Tag meetings for easy retrieval later (date, company, department, topic of meeting, client attached to meeting in title of document. You’ll thank me in 6 months)

Another thing you never do in the meetings, you never comment on women’s families, boyfriend’s looks in the meeting. This is very common that women do to bond with each other, but it actually privatizes women. So it’s the worst thing you can do.

Me, who has been an entrepreneur, is educated in business, intercultural communication and UN negotiations; If a woman start talking like that to me, I already know she has zero power. Because otherwise she wouldn’t try to personalize me. She doesn’t know standards for high level business. And she has no respect for the meeting in itself and that it’s a workplace. It’s not a coffee date or wine in someone’s living room.

Don’t privatize women in public. You respect their title, you respect their skills, and you address them appropriately.

And you don’t ask them about the men in their lives because you actually respect her as a worthy woman on her own. Her skills and what she talks about at work is enough for you to respect and bond with her. You don’t need to hear about the men in her life to make your opinion about her.

It is so toxic, but most women have no idea they’re doing it, and they’re actually encouraging each other to do this more. And what happens is they, in a mixed meeting with men, they lose respect of all the men because they just start seeing you as someone’s girlfriend. So never, ever do that to anyone who’s professional.

When women engage in this behavior, they signal several problematic things:

They lower other women’s authority in the room.
They define women they meet after who they are dating, aka the men in their lives, instead of her accomplishments and professional role.
They don’t understand high-level business standards
They have no respect for the meeting as a workplace setting
They’re treating professional space like a social gathering

And this happens to me a lot. The women will comment on my looks. Because they wanna bond and they feel a little bit scared of me. ‘cause I’m very confident that I come with a leadership experience, etc. And also I come well dressed and well prepared and, I look presentable, so they will want to comment because sometimes they’re just curious. They see someone coming with like proper lipstick, proper bags come prepared. Have nice notebooks. They become curious and this is the way they’ve been taught to socialize. Because they haven’t been taught business etiquette.

So when they do that when you are the receiver, you just say very politely and sincerely, “thank you for noticing”. And then you move over to agenda. So move away from the topic.

And if they ask you about your husband, your boyfriend, et cetera, he’s, here’s where you’re gonna respond very simply, “I don’t talk about my private relationships in professional settings”.

That’s it. That’s all you need. Say thank you. Move on. And if they keep going with other women in the group, you just say, “can we get back to the agenda?” “I’d like to go back to the agenda.” “Now we’re going back to the agenda.” Depending on your role.

For appearance comments:

“Thank you for noticing,” then immediately redirect to the agenda.

For personal relationship questions:

“I don’t talk about my private relationships in professional settings.” No one has a right to your private life. No one. Remember that.

To redirect group conversations:

“Can we get back to the agenda?”
“I’d like to go back to the agenda”
“Now we’re going back to the agenda”

And yes, it is actually mostly women who do this. On a rampant level. Men’s more common privatization of women is described below.

So these are the instant steps that they look subtle, but it makes your role in that group and it’s very effective on both men and women. But with women, you usually have to control the agenda like that. While with men, you control it in a different way.

For example, how men will usually privatize you is that they will address you with your first name and everybody else with their title.

In that case you simply correct them. “I am not Carol to you. I’m a Mrs. Smith.” That’s it. And you don’t even mention it again. You just keep on going. Or if they talk down to you or they talk over you, you just say, “excuse me, I’m still speaking,” and then you keep going.

Correct them in a polite tone and move on;

“I am not Carol to you. I’m a Mrs. Smith.”

“I’m not sweetheart, I’m Jenny to you.”

When they talk over you, you just say:

“Excuse me, I’m still speaking: ” The continue making your point.

Or wait until they’re done talking and look at them while saying: “As I was saying before I was interrupted, —”

Always use manners to your advantage because whoever has the lowest level of manners is always a losing part in any situation. They lose long term because people remember the ones who were respectful and the one who wasn’t respectful. No matter who is right or wrong, the one who was respectful holds the long-term power, and you always want the long-term power and trust.

The person who is disrespectful will lose trust. If you keep your manners, you will not. And it’s better to say less in those situations and move on. And if someone tries to disrespect you and they try to agitate you, you just go quiet and just look at them and let them do their thing. But don’t argue with them.

Because you don’t argue with someone who’s disrespectful. You just tell them the rules and then you move on.

When someone tries to disrespect or agitate you:

Remain quiet and look at them calmly
Let them reveal their poor behavior on their own, don’t interfere and make it a joint project
Don’t argue with disrespectful people
State the the respect-rules that apply to you clearly, then move on with the agenda

So these are my tips and I look forward to seeing you on in lipstick with the Power Heels. If you’re a man, this is one of the reasons why you should always wear a suit and always wear proper dress shoes because those dress shoes, those are the same effect as women in heels. People hear you coming. You are not the silent, slouchy type. You arrive, you don’t walk in. And I want you to think about that, how that differs.

You actually improve the meetings when you do this, and that’s the thing too I want you to understand this is not about having power over other people. This is about having better work meetings when you show up like this as a leader you actually encourage the rest of the team to show up in a better way.

And I can tell you from experience, I’m always the one who takes notes because I’ve been a leader for too long and it’s been my own company. So I’m very responsible. And I know this effect. Because I take notes, there’s two things that happen: one part start depending on my notes to do their job. So they come to me and actually share things with me, which actually gives me more information and I can give better advice and solve problems. And the other parts start taking notes too. They start matching my level and that gives me instantly insight into who is a doer and who needs support to be able to do their job.

None of them are wrong or right. It’s just different personality types and different needs. But it’s important that you raise the standards of your meetings and you do that by showing up like a student instead of showing up like the popular guy or girl in high school. This is not high school anymore.

Sitting in the back, slouching, scoffing, being on your phone. It’s not cool anymore. It worked in high school ‘cause it was freaking high school and nobody had developed their brain. We’re adults. Now you’re not winning any points, especially as a man. This used to work like 10 years ago when startups and Zuckerberg and all of these people were coming up and they were, here’s me in my cool t-shirt and I’m so different.

(They weren’t, people have done that before.) But then there was a huge shift where people were supposed to be casual. That means “I don’t care” in visual language. Like a teenager acts who don’t care. They’re the worst collaboration partners, and they’re the worst bosses because they base their whole identity as leaders of slacking off, not caring, having a big ego and exuding that power instead of actually being helpful.

Don’t fall into that, do the classical manners because they win. Every single time, long term, all of these trends and stuff that happens in between, power through them. Because it doesn’t matter. Every time you do that, you’ll lose long-term power.

I hope this helps.

I’m gonna post an article about the statistics and research how clothes and appearance affects how much money you get paid, the deals you close and if you get promoted. It is actually staggering differences, sometimes 5x the results.

I chose classical manners, elegance and respect.

Xue Mei Rhodin is an entrepreneur, business owner, public speaker, and published writer with 20 years of experience. Here I share the real conversations that happen behind closed doors; insights you can’t simply prompt from ChatGPT.

Visit My Virtual Townhouse here: xuemeirhodin.substack.com.

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How to Subtly Command Respect in Business Meetings: A Guide to Executive Presence through sound and respect-queues

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