ripxno's blog
Things get worse before they get better. My lover lost their job. The tech industry is a brutal machine that we put a little too much faith in. If this is just being an adult than I'm not embaressed to admit I have been naive and innocent and a little too hopeful. If there was ever a world with consistent stability it is gone for our generation. I don't know if there is truly an industry immune to…
I took the train today to run some errands. Taking the train is something I feel so priveledged to-do. Living in America I feel very lucky I live somewhere where walking, biking and taking transit for regular errands is fairly doable. I usually have to take ubers to doctors, but thats about it. My partner and I are getting an ebike soon - so my access to the world will grow exponentially. I hate…
Thinking about my art process. I think traditionally I have thought about drawing around sketching lines and filling in with color. But I believe a more fulfilling process for me is more laying down color and finding lines within it. Creating shape. I find a lot of joy in creating abstract and whimsical art and this is something I would like to make my life. Making art as a career is definitely a…
Listening to jazz on the radio. Someone picked it out to be played and the music was made by a person and the waves travel from a little station a few miles from me to bring me comfort music with my morning coffee or my evening bowl. The radio means so much to me. It's a community gathering place in itself. A locally accessed live broadcast. You are listening with other people, maybe your…
I've been journaling regularly for almost 10 years now. I started bullet journaling in my second year of high school as a way to keep up with school and personal tasks—I’ve been doing it consistently ever since. The simplicity of an analog journal combined with the tangibility of writing and crossing off lists has been the best way for me to actually stay productive. Over the years, what was once…
Today I got gel injections in both my knees. Round 2/3 - next week is the last one. It is crazy the maintence that it requires to continue feeling Normal as a disabled person. I am trying to figure out how to be ok with it. It's hard to accept that these injections make me have a little more physical down time for a few weeks so I can live a bit more pain free for the next 6-months. I'm lucky to…
I really like having routines and rituals built into every part of my life. I fear and hate change a lot. At least change out of my control. I would love for a time in my life where things could sit still for a little while. It feels like things are always moving so fast. I'm trying to manually slow myself down. To appreciate what I have in front of me. My partner, my friendships, my cats, my…
I woke up at noon today. One of those kind of days. But for the first time in a while I tried not to dwell on sleeping in too late. Usually waking up late ruins the rest of my day. The guilt of it seeps through me, and it feels like it has poisoned the rest of any productivity. But today I woke up late, and I made a late breakfast and iced lattes for myself and my roommates. I had the urge to…
Going on my mental health walk and trying to make the process of some sort of recovery a collaborative one. I live with two other people, it's impossible for my mental health troubles to not become somewhat of a group issue. It's hard to get over the guilt of burdening other people, but it's necessary in letting yourself try to get better. I don't know if I'm really over that hurdle. I do feel…
I want to write but all I really have to write or think about is my own misery right now - so I guess that's what I will do. Very few people actually listen or try to understand my pain. I don't mean this to start a pity party. I think more so, I would just like some documentation that shows I am trying to get better so that my life stops feeling like a waste. I am 23 and I feel like I have wasted…