Behind the book

There is no question that writing a book is a solitary venture. For many of us, the process involves a lot of internal work: hours hunched over our computers or notebooks, questioning our word choices and our sanity.

From the very beginning, I knew I wanted to self-publish A History of Holding. (You can read more about my reasoning in this interview.) Still, I worried about the lack of support. Sure, I’d have all the control and autonomy I craved, but without a team, who would would offer a second set of eyes? How would I know my book was ready? Who would help me brainstorm my cover, my book launch, my marketing?

As it turns out, self-publishing wasn’t lonely at all. I just had to build my own team. Here’s how I did it:

My number one tip is to find other writers who are in a similar stage. Heidi Fiedler and I started swapping weekly voice memos while our books were still in draft form. We were both curious about the same things: printing options, formatting quirks, drop-shipping, and book launches. We hashed this all out in real time, verbally processing everything that was swirling in our heads. It was grounding just to know someone else was wrestling with the same questions.

Jillian Stacia and I connected around the same time, and our conversations often centered around editing and sequencing. We developed a quick “red light, green light” system: send a poem, get an honest gut response. Green light: yes, this is gold. Yellow light: great, but you need to do some more work. Red light: I love you, but no. We also sent long chains of voice memos to one another, sometimes spiraling, sometimes celebratory, always met with understanding. Jillian treated my book like it was her own, helping me work through my months-long struggle with sequencing.

These friendships changed the entire experience of writing this book. I had community. I had a team. I had people truly cared about my book. And honestly, it made all the difference in the world.

If you haven’t heard the term, a beta reader is someone who reads an early draft of a book and provides feedback. They are not editors. They don’t provide line-level changes or suggestions. Instead, they answer questions and give overall impressions.

If you ask ten people for an opinion on poetry, you will get ten different answers. For that reason, I chose to keep my pool of beta readers very small, sticking to only four writers—Heidi Fiedler, Jillian Stacia, Michelle Awad, Elise Powers—and my mom and husband.

It’s a strange thing to share your work with beta readers. You’re not just putting the book out there for people to read. You’re sharing it and asking the hard questions: What’s working? What isn’t? What would you cut? Etc.

My beta readers’ reflections helped me see the book more clearly than I could on my own, and most importantly, made me feel less alone in it all. After years of working on the poems in this collection, sharing it felt incredible. I’d chosen my readers with great intention, and they treated my work with care and respect.

I chose to do everything myself, from cover design to interior typesetting, but I did pay for editing, which I believe every author should do. I hired the incredibly talented Kait Quinn to be my editor, and she was worth every penny. It’s easy to miss things when your eyes have glazed over from staring at the same six lines for too long, so having Kait on my team was invaluable.

I also hired Kelly Grace Thomas, a poetry mentor, to look at my manuscript. While Kait’s feedback was line-level, my conversations with Kelly were zoomed-out. We talked about my big-picture goals, the arc of the storyline, how much of my personal story I wanted to share, how I would achieve movement and transformation in each section. KGT challenged me to go deeper, and I’m forever grateful for that.

Once my manuscript was complete, I began reaching out for endorsements and marketing blurbs. This part felt surprisingly vulnerable, like slipping a note in a boy’s locker that says: check yes if you like me. (Please tell me I’m not the only one who did that.)

I was suddenly flooded with nerves and imposter syndrome. But honestly? It ended up being one of the most encouraging parts of the entire process. The people who wrote my endorsements—Isabelle Correa, Ashlee Gadd, Elise Powers, Ophelia Monet, Michelle Awad, and Jillian Stacia—responded with such warmth and generosity. Their quotes arrived like little love notes, affirming the heart of this book in ways I couldn’t have articulated myself. I wouldn’t trade that feeling for anything.

In addition to the people mentioned above, there were many friends and writers who acted as sounding boards along the way. People who voted on my cover, who cheered me on when I shared a new piece, who gave feedback when I asked for it. The writing community is generous and kind and, generally speaking, just wonderful. And of course, I have to thank my husband, who enthusiastically supported this entire journey, even knowing what it would require of us (time, energy, a messier house and many late nights of me saying, Just 30 more minutes…). Love you, A.

The day I announced my book was one of the happiest days of my life. I didn’t know what would happen when I made the announcement, but so many people re-shared the news, posted about it, and pre-ordered copies. I genuinely couldn’t believe the support. Even before launch day, I’d sold out of my first print run. This would never have happened if it weren’t for the community I’d found these past few years from joining writing groups and sharing my poems on the internet.

From the bottom of my heart, I thank everyone who was a part of A History of Holding, including you, dear reader. Thank you for caring about my words, reading my work, and contributing to a creative community.

Looking back

So was self-publishing lonely? No. In fact, the community around this book means as much to me as the book itself. And maybe that’s the true gift of making something: not only the finished product, but the process and the connections you gather along the way.

Psst. I’d love to send you a copy. If you want to snag one for yourself or as a gift before the holidays, you can order through my website. It will arrive signed and wrapped with extras and a gold wax seal. (Live outside the U.S.? You can order internationally here.)

If you have any more questions about my publishing process, feel free to ask in the comments!

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