Happy Birthday America

America in 2026 is a twice divorced Amish furry MAGA Twitch streamer on stimulants waiving a pride flag out of his lifted Ford-250 in the drive through of a Wendy’s to buy 4 seasoned square beef patties for $40 to stay in ketosis, while his 9 month old watches Bluey in the backseat and his other child makes AI “soyjack memes” of his transgender teacher to send to his anonymous telegram friends.

We’re a nation of contradiction and excess, unchecked pride and misplaced confidence, blind luck and blind stupidity, noble intentions and wicked passions. Altruistic genius and love of God. Technological rapture and back to the land surrender. We’re an anomaly of a people.

We always have been, and we always will. And in this way, the American spirit is inherently difficult to pin down.

Imagine the groans and eye rolls of your distant family trying to convince Erasmus (that’s the name I’m going to use...ok) to give up on his dreams of land speculation and a wild adventure out west and continue his life as a humble cobbler.

Imagine how insane you’d have to be to cut yourself off from your own geographic and cultural history to write a new chapter of it somewhere else.

All heritage Americans, in one way or another, descend from black sheep: lunatics, geniuses, criminals, captured slaves, dreamers, idealists—the chaotic element of Western Culture that existed in continuous struggle with order and “this is just how we are” religious, political, artistic, and cultural structure.

Imbued with this spirit, those who settled our shores established a middle ground, perfectly imperfect as it was and still is, which still remains in us as our only universal binding tradition.

I have no interest in making any political argument or advocating for “what is best” here. I’m presenting a lens with which to see our genius and r*tardation through.

Because when we step back and acknowledge the “nature” of a particularly chaotic friend, it becomes much easier to deal with them. And this country will always be an accelerating pendulum of chaos. Whether we attach ourselves to certain intellectual or political zeitgeists of the day remain our individual choice.

But the choice to express, to cause trouble, to put our neck out, to fight for what is ours, separates the American from any spirit of “doomerism.” We are Augustus Caesar—expressing action and intention. Strength and competence, bearing our own loud and outspoken idiosyncrasy with pride.

There is no reality in which the American, as contradictory or angry as we are in our time, isn’t actively thinking about the future.

This is the subconscious long game which we all take for granted.

As long as preppers are buying discounted Chili Mac MREs to stuff in their basements, as long as activists are waking up city-dwellers with annoying chants and off-time drums, as long as burnt out Dads are filing and LLC for their new business, as long as 3D printing gun-nuts keep building their “accessories,” as long as there are bells ringing in the churches, as long as artists are making films, painting, and writing, as long as there are kids making hype edits on TikTok, as long as good men are making love to their good wives...

America isn’t going anywhere. If we continue to act into the world, instead of retreat away from it, America, in every shade of its glorious stupidity and genius will be just fine.

Thanks for reading, and Happy 4th of July.

-Joe