When losing your job feels like losing yourself

When work has been a big part of how we see ourselves, losing a job can feel unsettling in ways we didn’t expect. Suddenly we’re no longer “the manager” or “the teacher” or “the marketing person”, and without that familiar label, things can feel disorientating.

Many people tell me they feel untethered, like the version of themselves they knew is gone but the next one hasn’t arrived yet.

Most of us don’t realise how closely our identity is tied to our work until it’s taken away. A job gives us much more than an income. It gives us structure, a sense of purpose and competence, and an easy answer to “So, what do you do?”

When that disappears, it can bring up grief, fear, self-doubt and anxiety, even if we intellectually know change is for the best in the long run.

Psychologist William Bridges describes transitions as having three stages: endings, a messy middle (the ‘neutral zone’), and new beginnings. Losing a job lands us straight into that middle space. The old identity has gone, but the new one hasn’t formed yet.

The question isn’t “How do I get back to who I was?” It’s “Who am I becoming now?”

• Separate who you are from what you do. Notice qualities and values that exist regardless of your job title.

• Acknowledge the loss. Even if you know deep down a change is for the better there’s often something to grieve - certainty, purpose, status, confidence.

• Experiment gently. Conversations, short courses, volunteering, or small projects can help you explore possibilities without committing.

• Give yourself time. Not knowing your next step is uncomfortable, but it’s not a problem to fix immediately.

Career counselling can be really helpful at this stage by giving you space to explore the identity shift underneath practical questions. Together, we can uncover what this change is stirring, what matters to you now, and how to move forward in a way that feels grounded and authentic.

If you’re asking “Who am I now?” and would like to talk it through, you’re very welcome to book a Career Conversation - a no-pressure chat to explore what support might help.

Cheering you on!