Ask the Matriarchs: Discerning Calling

Women have added SO much richness to our world in a multitude of ways! Throughout time, women have impacted people, businesses and organizations, homes, communities, science, religion, and so much more. Women have never stopped making a difference in the world around them. Activist and suffragette Susan B. Anthony reminded us, “Wherever women gather together, failure is impossible.” We are stronger together! Elder Holland encouragingly tells us, “First of all, I want you to be proud you are a woman. I want you to feel the reality of what that means, to know who you truly are. You are literally a spirit daughter of heavenly parents with a divine nature and an eternal destiny.”

How amazing it is to be part of this sisterhood for good!

However, we freely admit that we don’t hop out of bed everyday cheering, “Yahoo! I’m obviously going to be a force for good today!”

It is definitely part of human nature to wonder if anything we are doing in our lives is a worthwhile contribution. Whether you work at home or a paid job or both— life’s necessary temporal chores can feel more tedious than fulfilling. Changing diapers is vital- but doesn’t feel much like a soul contribution. A lot of the work that women do feels invisible. We wonder what our lasting impact in our families and on the world could possibly be. We wonder how do we even figure out what it will be? How can “little ol’ me” do anything important enough?

We get it! It can be hard! It is precisely during these hard times that we can turn to God, lift each other up and offer support to one another!

Relief Society General President Mary Ellen Smoot said,

“...We can make a difference in this world. One person can make a difference. Each one of you has unique gifts. Use your gifts to serve others. If you are to walk in the light of the Lord, discover your individual strengths and develop them. You will find great joy as you unselfishly share all that the Lord has given you.”

We’re here to tell you that EVERY woman can contribute and make a difference! We have to trust that our Heavenly Parents have given each one of us talents and personality traits that will benefit someone else in the world. These talents and traits will look different for everyone, but they are there, just waiting for us to use them.

Valerie Hudson, USA: God gave me talents in reading, understanding, synthesizing disparate information, and in writing. You soon learn that if you follow your talents, doors and windows open to you, because you were given those talents so that you could walk through those very doors and windows. That was the plan and the foreordination all the time. There is nothing so satisfying to the soul as being the right person at the right time with the right skills/talents in the right position to make a real difference for good.

Have you ever shown up and been there for someone *just* at the right time? We wholeheartedly agree with Sister Hudson–it is incredibly satisfying to the soul to help someone out. Our Parents will use us to bless Their children’s lives. And it feels good!

One example of a woman using a very unique talent comes from Sister Bonner. She has worked hard and followed personal revelation to develop the skills necessary to help people around the world create gospel choirs.

Debra Bonner, USA: My contribution is to transform lives in preparation for the second coming by building gospel choirs all over the world. Teaching the gospel and providing opportunities for individuals to acquire their true and authentic voice which makes it easier to align themselves with the Savior.

Sister Bonner recognized a bonus that was coming from the creation of these choirs— gospel choirs bring people to the Savior! The songs of praise are powerful testimony builders for those who sing AND for those who listen.

So, do you know how you can contribute to the world yet? Still searching for what it could be? Let us give you a few more ideas of the vast range of potential contributions.

As a missionary and teacher of missionaries, Sister Edmunds discovered her unique offering— humor.

Mary Ellen Edmunds, USA: As I look back on an already LONG life, I have thought about what contributions I might have made. I feel SO THANKFUL that my Heavenly Father blessed me with a wonderful SENSE OF HUMOR. This has been a HUGE blessing for me for my whole life. It has helped me TEACH. It has helped me MAKE FRIENDS. It has helped me COMFORT OTHERS (although “humor” may not make sense in this kind of a setting... being of comfort to others... but it’s REAL for ME).

Humor may seem like a seemingly small contribution to the world, but it is vital! And really, no contribution is too small. Sometimes we may think we have nothing of worth to give. Like we said earlier, that is part of being human. It may even seem like we are just stock full of weaknesses. The challenges may seem endless. But Ether 12:27 gives us a bit of hope!

“And if men [and women] come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men [and women] weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men [and women] that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.”

The next few matriarchs share how they have handled the weaknesses they have experienced in their lives. As you read their stories, think about your own perceived weaknesses and try to come up with ways to turn them into strengths.

Ardeth Kapp, Canada: May I share a personal experience with you, my friend. I failed two grades in school. There were some hard lessons to learn. In later years, those challenges turned out to be a significant blessing. When I finally got my degree at BYU and began teaching at the elementary school, what had been a problem, turned out to be a miracle. When children couldn’t understand what they were hearing, I could follow their thinking, because I had challenges myself. A great statement of success was one child jumped out of her seat and shouted, “I’ve got it, I’ve got it, I’m not dumb after all. Finally, you’ve said it right.” Because of my challenges, I was blessed to be an effective teacher.

Kathy Peterson, USA: I have many [weaknesses] but one of significance is expecting that I need to be perfect in order to be loved. If I truly believe in grace then I can know I am loved always and not because I am good, but because God is good. I want to learn to love others in that same way.

Nan Hunter, USA: I have serious ADD but that weakness and lack of focus also comes with great energy and drive. So I energetically do all I can to live big.

As co-authors of books for and about women, we have put a lot of work and effort into researching and learning about many amazing women from our church both from history and modern times. We have read about women who made important contributions through visions, revelation, and translation work. We’ve learned of women who brought about change from being thoroughly disgruntled with their situation and lived experience. We have found women who became the first women in their professions, breaking glass ceilings and laying the groundwork for others to follow in their footsteps. We even learned about a woman who joined the church (and then helped MANY others join) through a Christian yoga class in a time when religion couldn’t be publicly taught!

There seem to be a lot of women in our faith who wonder what their contribution can be after their kids are a little older or out of the house. We’ve seen women go back to school and start a whole new adventure at age 50. We’ve seen others choose to join politics or volunteer for a cause they are passionate about.

You may wonder “We’ll, that’s fine for them, but what do I have to offer?” However, McArthur’s Mom is a great example of a transferable skill set— putting to work all the talents and abilities developed from being a full time Mom.

When McArthur ran a business and got stuck with a tricky staff question, unwieldy contention or open rebellion— she would call her Mom. As her Mom had raised eight wildly different kids and somehow managed to coalesce them into one cohesive identity— she had skills and endless ideas of how to cultivate unity. McArthur even started referring to her Mom as the Chief Culture Officer of the business!

Kathy McArthur, USA: The three tricks are to build people up, teach them to see from another’s perspective, and show them that when the enterprise succeeds it’s also good for everyone— true in family and business!

There is no one right way to contribute. When women recognize the gifts and talents they have been given and then turn around and put that into action— amazing things will happen! And when that happens, you feel joy!

But how do we know what our gifts are? A few techniques have helped us: consult your patriarchal blessing, identify what electrifies you, try something you never have before, dabble, ask people what they see as your talents, join a club, find a mentor… the possibilities are endless. Ask yourself questions: What do you dream about? What do you feel drawn to? How do you like to spend your time? What irks you? What do you want to see done differently? What do you have ideas on? Where do you see a need? What do you long for?

Last (and best)— just ask God!

At times, recognizing our talents and what exactly we can do with them requires many months, maybe even years of investment. Sister Eyre shares how she worked on and developed her talents to be able to create national impact.

Linda Eyre, USA: ...One line from my patriarchal blessing gave me a clue about what was ahead concerning my future husband. It reads: “thou shalt be led unto one who will bring great joy unto thy soul.” I had no way of knowing what JOY Richard and I would experience as a result of our partnership.

[As Mission Leaders they made an important discovery] — it seemed that every asset and every liability of every one of our missionaries came from their families and from how they were raised, we began to shift our paradigm and our priorities…to strengthening families.

In the process of raising that big brood [nine kids!] of vastly varied souls, full of needs and complications, we felt ever more passionate about the importance of raising happy children and creating a strong family…toward being catalysts to help others raise strong families.

On the way through all those crazy, wild, hard, mind-blowing, blessed years, of raising kids, book tours, national talk shows and writing—always writing, we were clearly being led on a path that focused on ways to create joyful families.

We started writing together when our children were small. Our first book was Teaching Children Joy which spawned the idea for International Joy Schools in which more than 300,000 families have participated. We went on to write a dozen more family-focused books together. My personal best seller was I Didn’t Plan to Be a Witch, written to assure readers that mothering was not always a picnic in the park.

Looking back, it took many years to realize the clear answer that…”family” went far beyond what we could have known at the time.

God was our consultant and partner through it all.

Sister Eyre realized that her large family actually encompassed ALL the children of the world.. We don’t all have her family or talent— but how can we broaden our influence or impact? Does it help when we embrace the idea that we are all children of God? Sikh visionary and activist leader Valarie Kaur teaches us how to widen our circle by wondering about those around us.

“When we choose to wonder about people we don’t know, when we imagine their lives and listen for their stories, we begin to expand the circle of those we see as part of us. We prepare ourselves to love beyond what evolution requires.”

By widening our circle and being aware of the people around us, we may be inspired in specific ways that we can offer help to others. We can answer the call to be God’s hands on earth.

One of our favorites, Sister Chieko Okazaki, first counselor in the Relief Society General Presidency, once said, “Again, look around the room you are in. Do you see women of different ages, races, or different backgrounds in the Church? Of different educational, marital, and professional experiences? Women with children? Women without children? Women of vigorous health and those who are limited by chronic illness or handicaps? Rejoice in the diversity of our sisterhood! It is the diversity of colors in a spectrum that makes a rainbow. It is the diversity in our circumstances that gives us compassionate hearts. It is the diversity of our spiritual gifts that benefits the Church.”

Widening our circle does not mean we have to always make large-scale contributions! That may work for some women, but that doesn’t have to be everyone’s path. It’s easy to feel overwhelmed if we think we have to become best-selling authors (trust us, that is REALLY hard) or run a company or create a masterpiece.

Sister Kristin Yee, Second Counselor in the General Relief Society General Presidency, tells us, “Look around you. Where can you contribute? Where can you love? Where can you serve? Because He’s placed you there for a reason.” This is evident with Sister Hunter starting in her own neighborhood.

Nan Hunter, USA: I saw a need and just tried to fill it in the life of our children and the world in general…With that in mind, I just did what I thought might bring joy, fun and adventure to the neighborhood, our family and other families, the schools, the church and went forth with energy and enthusiasm.

Over the years, Sister Hunter created a neighborhood parade, a choir, road shows, served in PTA, and more! Eventually, she was inspired to start a school which is still functioning! Sister Hunter started where she had the most influence and impact–with her children and neighborhood community. And God was able to turn her “small” offering into something bigger. And even with the success of the school she began, we are touched by Sister Hunter’s explanation of what really matters to her:

But this I know, my deep bottom line contribution as stated in my blessing came to pass, that I would gather many people and bring joy. Sharing the joy has been my greatest and most fulfilling contribution to any one or any place.

Not all of us will start schools. (Literally, the two of us read this story, looked at each other, and said, “Not for me!”) but we loved Sister Hunter’s answer because it emboldens us to find our contribution via JOY.

In our lives, personal revelation is crucial as we continue figuring out how we can contribute to God’s work. That guidance will help us navigate as we make decisions. We each literally offer up the prayer, “make me an instrument in Thy hands.”

Sister Bushman had an expectation of the way her life would play out… but found her soul longed for something different. How did she choose? She didn’t! She did both.

Claudia Bushman, USA: I do get personal revelation about things that I can and should do.

Pay attention to the nudges from God! Revelation is like a muscle— the more we use it and practice, the stronger we will be. (If you need us, you can find us at the “gym.” We are trying to get buff.)

Anne felt a specific nudge (or wink) from God when she heard someone talking about the body of Christ. Of all the different useful body parts, this person said they felt most akin to stomach acid. That plays a vital role in all of our lives by breaking things down to a digestible form. Anne has found this to be a useful role to play. And at the same time, she received the crucial insight that it can also be important to be an antacid. As helpful as stomach acid can be, sometimes it is necessary to neutralize the “heart”burn and return comfort to our hearts and minds.

As members of the church, we are given so many opportunities to grow. At a young age, we learn to speak in front of others by giving talks or prayers in Primary. Our youth are given the responsibility to teach classes and plan activities… and this continues on through adulthood. Kids and youth may have a love-hate relationship with these responsibilities (ours sure do!) but they are learning valuable social skills and don’t even know it! The skills we learn at family life and church will help us as we turn our efforts outward to our community.

Nomakhwezi Mabuto, South Africa: I have contributed to my community as a teacher in molding the learners I taught and I have also contributed in serving in the church in Primary, Young Women, and Relief Society.

What skills have you cultivated and learned while serving within the church? Have you learned to teach and ask questions that encourage discussion? Have you learned organizational skills? Have you worked with a child with special needs and felt a love and desire to work with them? With a little imagination and elbow grease, you can turn any skill or talent into a meaningful contribution. Remember the woman we told you about who used YOGA to teach the gospel? We never would have come up with that!

Pinkaew Kanchat, Thailand: I discovered my contribution to the world by focusing on service, both within my Church and my community. At first, I thought my contributions would simply be fulfilling my callings and paying my tithing faithfully. But over time, I realized that my true purpose extended beyond what was asked of me—I was inspired to give my whole heart to serving others, whether through Church callings or everyday acts of kindness. One of the greatest revelations came when I felt called to establish a charitable organization that helps people with disabilities and those affected by mental illness. I knew I had to do more than just serve when asked—I had to actively seek out opportunities to make a difference. This effort became my life’s work, driven by a desire to follow the Savior’s example of lifting the downtrodden and healing the brokenhearted. Through years of service, I’ve learned that our contributions to the world aren’t measured by size but by heart. Whether it’s cleaning the church, visiting those in need, or running a charity, each act of service is significant because it reflects our commitment to love as Christ loves. My faith has shown me that every contribution, no matter how small it may seem, has the power to uplift others and fulfill God’s purposes in the world.

We are really touched by the understanding that the supposed size of the contribution doesn’t matter. We can start by thinking broadly… and then narrow in on a specific need that we can fill. Or we can start more focused on our sphere of influence— and something may grow into a national program! The important thing is that we make an effort to help and lift others.

Juliette-Marie Somerset, South Africa: I discovered the meaning of contribution early in my adult life working on Wall Street. My professional mentors in NYC encouraged me to contribute to the civic and cultural life of the city where I lived and worked. This meant attending and supporting local charitable and cultural events. I joined the United Nations Volunteers and my assignment was with UNICEF and suddenly my understanding of big and small contributions became life defining. Through the important work of safeguarding the rights of children worldwide and protecting their futures, I learnt that any contribution to empower or transform another human’s life is precious whether the act is small or great.

Sometimes we worry we don’t have it figured yet. Do you? Sister Joy D. Jones, Primary General President, reminds us, “Women wear many hats, but it is impossible, and unnecessary, to wear them all at once. The Spirit helps us determine which work to focus on today.”

We would never want anyone to feel like they are failing because they haven’t figured out how to contribute to the world. Some of us are in the thick of keeping little children alive, some are focused on their education, some are just trying to keep their head above water. Please hear us when we say: We are enough. Our efforts, whatever they may be, are sufficient. Our Heavenly Parents love us UNCONDITIONALLY. Our worth is set and will not change.

No one has it all figured out. Let’s just keep moving forward together… progression is eternal!

Gabriela Perez Turchi, Uruguay: I feel like I’m still identifying [my contribution]... Every day is a new opportunity to contribute to the world. In general because of the experiences that have taught me a lot. I make my contribution every day, serving others and having a good attitude towards the things in life.

We love the wise words from Sister Reyna Aburto, second counselor in the Relief Society General Presidency, “There is not a mold in which we all have to fit. Each of us is different, and each of us has something important to contribute to God’s work.”

What a relief! PHEW! Sometimes it can definitely feel like there is a mold, but our Heavenly Parents created a world FULL of diversity for a reason! We each have a unique perspective and unique abilities–and we shouldn’t be afraid to use them.

“The world is a symphony of diversity. The variety of plant and animal life alone is staggering. Add the infinite range of human personality, talent, and experience, and we begin to appreciate the boundlessly creative mind of God, who is both the Organizer of all that diversity and the Chief Delighter in it.” Patrick Mason

Sister Kapp reminds us of important words of the prophet:

Ardeth Kapp, Canada: It is important to remember that we are daughters of a Heavenly Father and a Heavenly Mother. ‘And the blessings of God’s total priesthood power and authority are available to LDS women throughout the world’ (Elder Renlund). President Nelson issued a plea to the women of the church to be the kind of women, ‘who know how to make important things happen by their faith and how to call upon the powers of Heaven.’

In the same plea from our prophet, he asked women everywhere to, “speak up and speak out.” He offers us an amazing promise as he says, “Today I plead with my sisters of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints to step forward! Take your rightful and needful place in your home, in your community, and in the kingdom of God—more than you ever have before… And I promise you in the name of Jesus Christ that as you do so, the Holy Ghost will magnify your influence in an unprecedented way!”

Can you feel the importance of that plea to women around the world? Women’s voices, ideas, and insight are needed at church, in our communities, and in ALL places! Sister Neill F. Marriott, Second Counselor in the Young Women General Presidency, reaffirms this by saying, “The Lord’s Church needs Spirit-directed women who use their unique gifts…Our inspiration and intuition are necessary parts of building the kingdom of God, which really means doing our part to bring salvation to God’s children.” Silvia H. Allred, First Counselor, Relief Society General Presidency notes, “Your gifts, talents, skills, and spiritual strengths are greatly needed in building up the kingdom.”

As women, we ARE a force for good!

Chieko Okazaki claimed a bold role for women… one that our world is in desperate need of: “Sheer human decency and civility are two of the most important contributions to our community life that women of courage can make.”

The Apostle Paul from the New Testament advises us to “Neglect not the gift that is in thee” (1 Timothy 4:14). It may not be today or tomorrow, but as we follow the guidance of the Spirit, we will know the best way for us to contribute to the world around us.

“With God, all things are possible.” (Matthew 19:26)

“Each member should know how much he or she is needed. Each person has something important to contribute and has unique talents and abilities that help move this important work along.”

—Bonnie Oscarson, Young Women General President

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