Donald Trump’s fixation on pet projects ranging from the Reflecting Pool, destruction of the East Wing for a grand ballroom and South Lawn, first for a UFC cage match and second for a helipad, echo the insane behavior of tyrants throughout history. Undoubtedly, historians will treat Trump no differently than dictators of ancient and more modern times.
The brutal Roman Emperor Caligula commanded his soldiers to attack the ocean waves with swords and gather seashells as war loot after an aborted military campaign. Nero infamously murdered his mother Agrippina and his pregnant wife Poppaea. Nero was also deeply obsessed with his own musical and theatrical talents, forcing crowds to stay trapped in theaters during his lengthy performances (Trump has reprised this act by speaking ad nauseam to crowds of mindless “MAGA” devotees at stadiums, airports, and state fair grounds.
Roman Emperor Elagabalus entertained himself by trapping dinner guests under a massive cascading ceiling drop of heavy rose petals, releasing so many that some guests are said to have suffocated and died under the sheer weight of the petals. The emperor’s banquets featured eccentric foods like camel heels, peacock tongues, ostrich brains, and peas mixed with gold coins. Also bisexual, Elagabalus wore heavy makeup (speaking of which . . . was it orange?), gold-embroidered silk tunics, and gem-studded shoes.
In more modern times, Equatorial Guinean dictator Francisco Macias Nguema ordered the execution of everyone who wore eyeglasses as “enemies of the people.” Sound familiar? In addition, Nguema prohibited using the word “intellectual.” Macias also destroyed all fishing boats to prevent citizens from escaping.
Central African Republic President Jean-Bedel Bokassa crowned himself Emperor of the “Central African Empire” in 1977. The coronation cost $20 million in one of the world’s poorest nations. Bokassa also ordered all students to buy expensive, mandatory uniforms emblazoned with his face from a factory owned by his wife. Bokassa later ordered the massacre of over 100 children who protested. Cannibalism was also on Bokassa’s “menu.” He commanded his cooks to prepare political dissidents or rivals to be served to visiting foreign dignitaries, and kept live lions and crocodiles fed with human prisoners.
Dominican Republic dictator Rafael Trujillo, who ruled for 31 years, made his seven-year old son a colonel in the Dominican army, promoting him to general three years later at the age of 10. In another act that should sound familiar to Americans sicj and tired of Trump’s antics, Trujillo demanded that he be awarded a Nobel Peace Prize. Trujillo also nominated his third wife, María Martínez, for a Nobel Prize for Literature. Trujillo’s circle of intellectuals nominated Martínez after falsely crediting her as a prominent author. In fact, she used two ghostwritten essays, Meditaciones morales and Falsa amistad. Shades of Trump saying his third wife, a former Slovenian model in the circle of Jeffrey Epstein, was deserving of an Oscar for a vanity documentary titled “Melania.”
It is noteworthy that Trujillo was assassinated in a violent highway gun battle on May 30, 1961, while traveling in his blue 1957 Chevrolet Bel Air. A group of seven Dominican conspirators ambushed his car on a dark, isolated coastal road linking the capital, Ciudad Trujillo (which he had named for himself and which is now Santo Domingo) to San Cristóbal.
In neighboring Haiti, Haitian dictator François "Papa Doc" Duvalier ordered the mass slaughter of all black dogs in Haiti in 1963. Duvalier feared that a powerful political rival had used Vodou to shapeshift into a black dog to elude capture. Papa Doc also claimed to have assassinated President John F. Kennedy using a Vodou curse. Duvalier also banned civic organizations he thought were a threat to his rule - including the Boy Scouts. Note that War Secretary Pete Hegseth has also declared war on the Boy Scouts.
Ugandan dictator Idi Amin bestowed absurd, self-invented titles upon himself—including "Conqueror of the British Empire"— and demanded that a group of white British expatriates carry him around on a ceremonial throne like a king. Amin also declared that he, not Queen Elizabeth II, should be head of the Commonwealth. Amin’s self-declared official title was "His Excellency, President for Life, Field Marshal Al Hadji Doctor Idi Amin Dada, VC, DSO, MC, CBE, Lord of All the Beasts of the Earth and Fishes of the Seas, and Conqueror of the British Empire in Africa in General and Uganda in Particular.”
Trump, who wants everything named “Donald Trump,” likely aspires to be another Sapurmat Niyazov, the dictator of Turkmenistan, who renamed the months of the year, days of the week, cities, airports, and geographic landmarks after himself and his family. Niyazov ruled that his name and title was Türkmenbaşy ("Leader of all Turkmen"). He also abolished the Turkman word for “bread,” replacing it with “Gurbansoltan,” the name of his mother. Niyazov also banned lip-syncing, gold teeth, and car radios, and required his face to be on every public clock and watch.
Niyazov’s death did not improve the lives of the hapless Turkmen people. His successor, Gurbanguly Berdimuhamedow, formerly a dentist, now rules as the dictator of Turkmenistan. He has directed the building of massive edifices of dubious architectural taste. He also believes he is a gifted rapper. His obsessive fixation on horses has raised suspicions by many of his people and foreign diplomats.
Zimbabwe President Canaan Banana criminalized making jokes about his surname. A 1982 law officially made it a crime to insult, mock, or publicly defame the head of state, which explicitly included a ban on making jokes about the word "banana." Banana continued to be mocked, especially during his 1990s criminal trial for homosexual assault. Newspaper headlines like "Mugabe Slips on Banana" were common. After a heavily-covered trial, Banana was convicted of 11 counts of sodomy and "unnatural acts.” Could a law against Trump jokes emulate that instituted in Zimbabwe. As far as word usage is concerned, in England, the word “trump” is synonymous with fart. Trump’s continual gastrointestinal anal utterances write their own jokes.
Romanian dictator Nicolae Ceaucescu, who Richard Nixon once infamously called his “favorite Communist,” never wore the same suit twice. Toward the end of his 24-year reign, Ceausescu became increasingly paranoid about assassination, particularly by poisoning. Ceausescu believed that his enemies would poison his suit while being dry-cleaned, so he ordered that every suit, after being worn a single time, would be incinerated.
Zaire’s dictator Mobutu Sese Seko (he changed his previous name of Joseph Mobutu) banned the wearing of hats and European-style men’s suits. There was one exception to the law. Mobutu wore a trademark leopard-print hat. In addition, all televised news programs were ordered to begin their broadcasts with a scene of him descending from heaven. Let’s not give Trump any ideas.
In 2000, Saddam Hussein published an “anonymous” romance novel titled Zabibah and the King. It set the record as a bestselling book in Iraq with over a million copies sold. There was nothing “anonymous” about the novel because every Iraqi knew Saddam had written it. The novel was also adapted into a musical and TV series. As a side note, Amazon has announced a new Prime documentary series on Melania Trump.
Keeping in mind Trump’s war on medicine, public health, and, indeed, science itself, Gambia’s dictator, Yahya Jammeh, believed he was a shaman who could cure AIDS. Let’s not give Robert F. Kennedy, Jr. or Trump any dumb ideas.
Donald Trump will most certainly have a lot of weird dictatorial companionship in Hell.
Comments
Nothing yet. Say the first thing.
Sign in to join the conversation.