A Tribute to My Dad

Tony Patatian was many things to many people during his life.  I will remember him most as a curious listener and a great conversationalist.  But it didn’t start that way for us.

In my younger years he was the stereotypically stoic and distant father.  He reasoned that this would make his son “strong”.  That relationship softened in my late 30’s, and changed entirely when mom got sick.  We bonded on walks near the hospital, where I learned about his childhood, the life choices he was forced to make at an early age, and the ones much later as a man with his own family. I laughed when he complained of sore muscles after those long walks.

In subsequent years, we read ebooks together and discussed them during weekly chats.  We shared music that moved us.  Each discussion was an opportunity to learn more about one another.  At the end of one of these calls, I said “I love you, dad”. There was a silence on his end followed by “ok, bye dad” (he used “dad” to address each of his kids).  This pattern continued on every call until, one day, he said the magic words… “I love you too”.  What a breakthrough.

Most recently, he took a keen interest in my circumnavigation of the Pacific, or “the expedition” as he liked to describe it, and the calls became near-daily. He watched a lot of YouTube sailing videos and learned some nautical terminology.  Those calls I’m sure came from worry… mixed with curiosity and pride.  But underlying all of it was a desire to learn something new, and to see things from a different perspective.

On September 18, 2025 we all lost Tony Patatian, and I lost my dearest friend.  I love you, dad.  And I miss that you will never again say it back to me.