I’ve never been a sports fan, but I got into World Cup because it’s fun to root for countries based on their food, and whether they were colonized or colonizers.
To that end, I visited the Guardian’s interactive bracketology predictor to apply this standard through the group stage and the knockout rounds. I didn’t dare pick a winner, as you’ll see in a moment.
But first, I was getting ready to watch France v. Senegal. My choice was clear.
I should mention that I am a notable curmudgeon when it comes to French food1. I prefer spice to sauce.
And if you ask AI whether a country was “colonized” or “colonizer” here’s what you get in this case.2
France was overwhelmingly a colonizer. The country built the second-largest colonial empire in history (behind the British Empire), spanning vast territories in West and North Africa, Southeast Asia, the Caribbean, and North America from the 16th to the 20th century.
Senegal is a colonized country, not a colonizer. It was primarily colonized by France, which maintained control over the region for over 300 years until Senegal achieved its independence in 1960
See how easy that was? An overwhelming colonizer versus the country they colonized, whose cuisine I used to enjoy when living near African restaurants in Washington.
While I was getting ready for the match, much to my delight I saw the legendary French football player Thierry Henry agree with me on national TV.
Well, not about choosing a team based on their politics and food (though I suspect he’d respect my approach), but about the importance of national cuisines, and the respect they deserve from us gaijin.
Thierry Henry didn’t like this video. Watch it please.
After the first round, between a croissant whose crunch this child found oddly indicative of quality, versus what he called “peanut stew,” Thierry Henry practically shouted at the camera,
“You don’t mix a sweet with a savory!”
“And it’s not ‘peanut stew!’ It’s “Mafe!”
Further crimes against cuisine followed in that video, and Thierry Henry repeated what he said about mixing sweet and savory after watching the kid compare jollof rice to a crépe. He went on to praise Senegalese food like Thieboudienne and Poulet Yassa while acknowledging the excellence of France.
Food matters, Thierry Henry was saying, so I felt validated going on with my picks. You can see them in the chart below. But first, watch how Zohran Mamdani did. You start by picking the finish order of the current group stage, which caused the mayor some pause when considering his constituents’ loyalty to a variety of national teams.
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Picking a top two in each group was fun. Whose food do I like better among Mexico, Korea, Czechoslovakia and South Africa? That’s the order I chose for Group A—wouldn’t you?
Maybe there’s some South African dish that I don’t know about and would find tasty—I wouldn’t rule it out. I’ve been watching a food-based mystery series set in the country.
But apartheid.
So I’ll assume there are some hearty Czech peasant dishes I’d like and give them third place.
I applied similar scrutiny to the kitchens and history of other groups in the World Cup to rank what you see here.
It was easy to pick Switzerland and good ol’ Canada over Bosnia and Herzegovina and Qatar, but I hesitated at Group C after, of course, ranking Brasil first.3
Like Zohran Mamdani, I want to root for Morocco, and I know they know how to cook—but I like Scotland cuisine if you include the liquid kind and I know some fans (well, one) who’s rooting for them based on liking haggis the one time she tried it. So sorry, Morocco, but I picked you to advance to the last 32.
I’ll admit to discovering a newfound interest in the US National team after watching their first game, and while our politics are definitely suspect at present, we have had our moments—and there’s a lot of food in this country I really like.4 This influenced some of my choices and led me to predict a final between the USA and Brazil.
I’m not going to pick a winner. That would be indiscreet. And hard. I mean, Brazil.
Follow my reasoning below. See what you would do in my shoes. Here’s the link to the Guardian again.
Have a tasty and ethical World Cup!
Well, people who know me would say I’m that way about most things.
Not that you’d need to—we’re talking about France and Africa after all…
O caipirinha! O Moqueca!
O barbecue! O blue crabs!
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