The former drunks pen law on drinking

For a long time, I thought the way to defeat alcohol was to shun her. She didn’t go away though. She even comes up weekly in the most Holy Sacrament. I can’t escape!

A few months ago I came on here and told you all about my struggle with alcohol and what controlled me for many years. It wasn’t alcohol that controlled me, it was what I thought I would become if I introduced myself to it. Many other things preceded alcohol in my life. I will say none struck me as dangerous the bottle, but that was subjective. In recent years, every single ad on tv is AI or gambling. You can’t escape what our world has become, but you can control it.

Alcohol ran after me for a long time. I wasn’t interested, and like any good standoff with a solicitor at your door, you tell them to move on. It did move on. It struck a deal with about every single person in my life though. Was I the only one that could stand up to the sales master? No. They actually just stopped coming to my door. After a while, everyone knew it was no use trying to get any alcoholic volume in my blood. So, I was completely fine with being labeled as such and moving along.

Christians that fall in the evangelical/baptist camp see alcohol as demonic. The conversation online is led by those who came to Christ after years of letting the bottle win. They are projecting their own lack of self control on others and claiming that their struggle is also someone else’s. I disagree with this approach and think it entirely too narrow for the whole.

You’re making a declaration that alcohol is bad, but you were just on the opposing team. I am not alcohol’s enemy, but you were. I have no problem what so ever with the liquid that poisons you. The control it seems to exert on you, it doesn’t me. I am not better than you because of it, but I will not hold to your same opinion.

I see me and alcohol as teammates. The same way you view chick-fil-a your ally, one with a history of fried gluttony would mindfully avoid. I do not disagree with your approach in warning people of the dangers of alcohol, however, the temperance of substance exists.

“Drinking is not a sin, getting drunk is.”, you explain to me. I agree with this until you squirm at the presence of a bottle. You can just say you wish prohibition would have achieved longevity. I do not necessarily disagree with this sentiment on a large scale, but it is not your job to police what is now available. You will never know what someone else can handle. You can’t see a handle, but they have no problem.

Am i making sense?

All of my struggles were hidden under an image. I have talked about this before, but if I did not confess what my faults were, no one would ever know. I think it is odd that everything I ever did was to protect the image. I actually don’t think it is too crazy because everyone my whole adult life sees an image before they meet me.

I talk about Jesus online.

I talk.

I.

It is an unsettling feeling knowing that someone knows you before you meet them. We weren’t made for such a thing, but I must adjust for the sake of souls.

The cigarette for example is becoming more popular, but I can’t stomach the idea of someone smelling smoke before they know my name. I am once again protecting my image. The cigarette is dirty in the public eye, and I have lived my life to not be. Superficial, I know. I also fail to see the appeal, so I kindly sit out and spectate what I don’t understand.

Like you with alcohol, my heart sees red danger lights blaring at the sight of a cigarette. Not for any reason other than how it could pull me away from carrying my cross. I know the more substance I tamper with, the more escape I bring forth. I don’t want to escape this life because I lose valuable time to marvel at Thy creation. So, it’s not right for me, but I can’t make a declaration.

Speaking of souls, I have had alcohol bring me to some of them. I have drank since my conformation, but not abundantly. It is weird being my age and somehow finding out how much is too much, but I haven’t had to make such a call before it was too late yet. I have left being dumb in other places since then.

So, where does this lead me? I do enjoy the doors that alcohol opens for me. I prayed for such doors, but it is a tough road to walk when you desire to love, but also hope for universal self control of everyone. God knows I have a problem with self control, so welcome to being human.

Anyways, one thing that alcohol did open my eyes to is that it is experiential. You don’t know why some engages until you feel its caress. A snug hold that makes one forget why they came in the first place. I do hate what it does when abused, but I do not hate the one that chooses to go to it. I know why. If I had not Christ, I would run to it in excess too.

I love that Christ is above everything, and that everything falls under his dominion. It makes me uncomfortable to see one run to lesser when they know where to find the author, but I also do not know why I can’t seem to listen to my own writing.

In a past week I went to confession for distrust in Christ’s dominion. I though I could do better at steering this ship. You ask me if I know numb and lack of control? I am the leader.

I want to be the best for everyone. I would stand in rooms when it was time to pray and the first instinct of most people in the room was to have me administer the blessing. It was there that I knew i could display an excellent outside persona! I don’t particularly care about that outside image anymore if I hold within me contempt for my brother. Yes ask me to pray, but if God only hears the prayers of the righteous, were all out of luck if I have not love.

The one you looked to for prayer needed it himself.

If I ever lack self control, I hope the Lord wakes me up to try again. He has long before alcohol.

You will never find more joy in liquid than Jesus, however. If you are like me and know both, let no drink touch your lips that does not strengthen you to do his will and share his great mercy.

Someone is always watching.

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Thy Will.