Click click CLICK click click click CLICK

Friends! Colleagues! Cetaceans! Thank you for coming.

Whalecome to the fifty-first annual seaside Whale Hearing And Translation Demonstration In Dominica: Hoping for Especially Sensational Auditory Yelps (WHATDIDHESAY)!

Every year at WHATDIDHESAY, we gather to observe the progress in interspecies communication technology. Sperm whales are - as you no doubt know - one of the leading candidates for intelligent, communication-plausible life on our planet, and we are just going to have a jolly good time taking another crack at communicating with them. Oh, just to imagine the stories they might tell of their lives in the sea!

I am lowering the microphone into the water, in the proximity of the whales. Now all we have to do, is turn on our translation device, like so. Let’s listen a moment before joining the conversation.

[BOOP *two whales identified* BOOP]

CLICKCLICKSOCLICKclickSQUID

I’ll adjust the frequency by turning the dial like so, and…

BOOPclickANDTHENTHESQUIDSAIDTOTHEKELPTENDER“OHNODON’TEATME!”

It’s working! It’s working! It’s really working!

HA.HA.HA.HA.HA.HA.HA.HA.HAclick

CLICKclickOHHERECOMETHEUGLYMONKEYSAGAINWITHTHEIRSTRANGEMETALBOX

clickclickDOYOUTHINKTHEYWILLMAKEITCLICKATUSAGAIN?ITALWAYSJUSTSAYSRANDOMWORDS

I suppose that makes sense with earlier devices we have tested. I wonder if the device messed up on that first part though. Let me tune it a bit more…

THEY ARE SO UGLY.

YES VERY UGLY!

Well I suppose if you are a whale you have different ideas of what someone should look like.

ESPECIALLY THE ONE HOLDING THE BOX!

HE IS THE UGLIEST!

Um.

AND STUPID

That could refer to any of us…

THE VERY UGLY ONE IN PARTICULAR

YES VERY STUPID!!!

Well! Let’s see if the translation works both ways.

eh hem, Hello sperm whales!

DID THE BOX JUST TALK?

HELLO UGLY STUPID HUMAN!

Erm, well, I don’t know who you are talking to…

YOU, UGLY STUPID HUMAN!

I suppose some mysteries can’t be fully known. However imperfect the translation, this is the first contact between humans and sperm whales!

WAIT WHAT DID HE CALL US?

Sperm-

VERY RUDE STUPID UGLY!

LET’S EAT THE BOX

No please don’t -

MY UNCLE USED TO SINK THEIR BOATS TOO

HE SAID THE PEG LEGS TASTE THE BEST

Well I think that’s all the time we have for this demonstration! Thank you for attending the first ever successful -

Here at Wild Green Media, we strive to ponder only the most important topics, and to speak on all the pressing matters of the day. It is for this heavy reason that we have braved the depths of the ancient cartoon archives to reassemble, piece by piece, an idea of what an entire episode of Nigel Thornberry’s Animal World would be like.

Watch with us as we answer the question that has long plagued the minds of every thinking person: Was Nigel Thornberry actually a good wildlife presenter?

Check out the BOGO merch by clicking the photo above or going to wildgreenmemes.com!

The meme of the month is Jimothy!

This Seattle raccoon with short spine syndrome has stolen the hearts of the internet, both in and out of Wild Green Memes. Here are some of our favorite memes from the group.

Move over crabs, nature is reinventing sea horses now! This twilight-zone sea horse lookalike is known only from a handful of previously-misidentified museum specimens. It independently evolved the same general body form as its sea horse cousins, and has a very different-looking skeleton!

Read more about it in this phys.org article and in the original paper in the Journal of Lost Species.

Two big wilderness areas - Heathcote National Park and Royal National Park, were divided by a busy highway. Highways present a big problem for wildlife - they are like a river or canyon, if rivers and canyons were also filled with fast-moving instant death machines. When good habitat is bisected by roads, the wildlife that lives there can get stuck. Habitat is useless if wildlife can’t get to it, so Australia is retrofitting a service bridge into a wildlife crossing, enabling the marsupial fauna to easily cross between these parks for the first time since the highway’s construction!

Read the full story at Mongabay.

this is the end of the newsletter have a nice month :)