There is an internal shift happening and hopefully bringing positivity. This ongoing battle against negativity is difficult to cope with. My mental health is struggling. It is so painful to think about the damage and trauma brought to Minnesota and across the country. The claim that “Operation Metro Surge” is winding down is a lie. New information coming about that shows the strategy has changed a bit. Pretending to have car trouble, posing as door-to-door salespeople or even selling religion. Women used a bait to trick trusting, hard-working people to think they are helping someone in need and getting snatched up. It is disgusting. How can we trust anyone to help one another and be honest, good humans?
It is triggering for me that I have put trust and kindness into relationships with people in the past that have destroyed me. Conniving people who appeared to be friendly and caring yet stabbing me in the back and setting me up to take the fall. Tricking an honest person into being sympathetic to have trust broken and emotions destroyed. Confusion of who I could count on to not hurt me in that same way. It was traumatic and the fact that it happened more than once by different people really messed me up. It took a long time to recover, and the trickle effects of those actions caused so much emotional and mental anguish. I was lucky to find good therapists and true friends to heal.
I know good things are coming. The people are fighting to bring the truth to light. The bad apples outnumber the good in power, but change will find the way. I want to believe peace and hope will get through madness, and accountability and justice will happen. Childhood is being robbed as they witness or experience the troubling behavior and actions of bad people. Teachers and others in the community are trying their hardest to support families that are scared to leave their homes. Kindness of strangers to make sure those in need get food and necessities. Exhausting but worth it. Show the children that the bad guys will not win.
Personally, I am writing up a storm. On my walks, to clear my head and process all that is happening, I continue to take photos. Feeling optimism by the signs displayed in yards and windows of homes showing compassion for their immigrant neighbors. Letting others fighting the good fight know they are not alone. It makes my heart happy to read about those marching and protesting. Children see and hear everything; this way they can know not everyone is evil or out to hurt them and their family.
I have been working hard to focus on what I am eating and getting enough liquids. My sleep has been troubled by anxiety and depression, leading to nightmares and bad dreams. In turn, it leads to clenching my muscles, especially my jaw, so I feel like I have been fighting all night. It feels at times as if I didn’t sleep. Medications help, but need to take them at the right time or insomnia creeps in. Stress eating has decreased a bit, but I have not been as mindful about my fluid intake. I take several supplements and other medications daily which require a lot of fluid to function properly, so by not drinking enough it causes other issues, including poor digestion, headaches, and cramping. I wasn’t sure it would work but setting reminders have helped steer me back in the right direction. I didn’t go through surgery and take good care of myself while healing to let my health suffer in any sort of way.
Grateful for some time with friends and family these past couple of weeks. Laughter does a body and mind good. One of my goals this year is to reach out and connect with friends I keep meaning to meet up with. My depression makes me want to be at home and quiet, and with my food challenges, it is more difficult to just meet for a meal. My heart needs and wants to be with my people, so I need to find a way to make that happen.
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