These Are the Supplements I Take to Thrive in Midlife

A friend from my past showed up in my Facebook inbox recently. It was a woman I was fairly close to when our kids were in elementary school, but we fell off each other’s radars when I moved a few states away.

Her message started like this: “Hi Whitney. I hope it’s not awkward that I’m reaching out on Facebook, but I just don’t know what else to do. I am feeling hopeless and like I’m an utter mess. I’ve spent the last two years helping Tina (not her real name) through some pretty heavy mental health challenges to get her so she can go to college, and my mom faced some significant health challenges too, and now that I feel like I’m on the other side somewhat, I’m so lost, tired, and I don’t even recognize myself. I’m overweight, exhausted, and I’m scared my marriage is falling apart. To be honest, I can’t even believe I’m writing this to you, but I just feel like you would get it and may be able to push me in the right direction? What does a fat, tired 50-year-old housewife do when everyone is gone from home, and you are just wandering around aimlessly feeling numb? Anyway, you don’t need to respond. I’m sure you are busy, but thanks for listening. I hope you are well. -Gretchen (also not her real name).”

Whoa. My heart broke as I read the message over three times. Despite the fact we had not spoken in a decade, I knew exactly what she was feeling. I wasn’t sure if I could help, but I knew I had to try.

So, I responded with this: “I’m here. Can I call you today?”

And within seconds she sent me her phone number.

The conversation started awkwardly. As it happens, sometimes it’s harder to be vulnerable with a real-life human being than it is to write a message. She didn’t sound like she wanted to talk a lot, so in my traditional fashion, I filled the empty void of silence by word vomiting every piece of knowledge I know about surviving midlife. I shared that she should start by getting bloodwork to get a baseline on her health. I found out I was severely vitamin D deficient, and it was impacting a lot of things, and taking some vitamin supplements to keep me at the right levels was a great first step for me. I told her how I worked with a doctor to get my hormone replacement therapy at the right dose. I also eat more protein to keep up my muscles and bones, and I lift weights, which helps me sleep better at night and may start taking creatine. Light therapy during the winter to help with my seasonal affective disorder, and sunlight first thing in the morning to help stabilize my mood. Some people say magnesium helps with sleep, but I wasn’t using it. I went on and on.

When I got off the phone with Gretchen after an hour, I didn’t really feel like I helped her. Sure, I gave her all the key talking points about staying healthy and feeling good during midlife—and they have helped me tremendously—but this wasn’t what really changed the trajectory of my life when I was at my lowest. I started replaying the conversation back in my head, and recognized that I kind of bombed.

Here was a woman who was completely overwhelmed by what was happening in her body, her brain, and her life, and I told her I put collagen in my coffee each morning.

I felt like I failed Gretchen. I let a moment of awkwardness dictate our conversation. She was on my mind the entire day, and most of the night. The next morning, I texted her again, “Hey, there were a few really important things I didn’t tell you yesterday. Do you have a few minutes for a quick call?”

She left me on read for most of the day. At 3 p.m., I finally heard back from her. “Sorry, it’s been another crazy day with doctor’s appointments for Mom. I hate to take up any more of your time.”

Ugh. I felt like she didn’t want to talk to me again. “Honestly, I just need a few minutes. Can I call now?” I texted.

“Sure.”

I took a deep breath, put my airpods in, dialed her number, and stepped outside to start my second walk of the day. When she picked up, I tried this: “Hey, I had a few things I wanted to share, but first, tell me what’s going on with you. How is Tina? How is your Mom? How are you?”

She laughed. “Well, those are loaded questions! We might need all week for that.”

“Well, give me the highlights.”

And that is how Gretchen started her healing process. Not by taking a vitamin. Not by lifting weights or wearing a vest. Not by taking creatine or collagen or by eating more protein. Not by using red light therapy or a vibration plate or an infrared sauna.

You start feeling better when you feel heard and when you feel seen and when you feel less alone. I forgot that for a second.

More than anything, she needed to get some things off her chest, and I needed to listen.

Gretchen and I spoke for two hours that day. Instead of telling her about the medical interventions I was taking, I shared about how I started curating a life I enjoyed even through the really hard parts, like challenges with my kids, health issues, life events, supporting aging relatives, and navigating relationships.

I told her that what truly got me through the last few years, which included a move to a new state, managing a long-term health issue, major transitions for my young adult children, traveling to see my aging family, and the basic cluster-fluck that is the world today, was finding microbursts of things that bring me peace and a small amount of joy.

“But I feel like I don’t have any time, and I’m too tired to figure out how to fit it in. I don’t have the focus to read. I’m too exhausted to cook. I always cancel on my friends. I don’t have the money right now to spend on expensive supplements or even a gym membership. I don’t know how to do this or live this way, yet I’m so tired of feeling bad.”

Gosh, I felt that. I shared with her, though, that if we want to be there for those who need us, supplementing our lives with things that made us our best selves was the best way to do just that.

The Supplements We Need to Be Taking in Midlife

It feels so overwhelming at first, transforming your life, so we often first turn to easy-fixes, like taking a pill or adding something to our morning coffee—but that’s just a small part of the equation.

What we really need to do is nourish our minds, bodies, and souls in the most basic of ways.

As I listened to her share the last few years of her life, I could tell she was overworked, overstimulated, overtired, and just over all of it. And I had so been there.

After getting a lot of it off chest, she finally said, “OK, so I guess I can’t just sit here and complain about it. Where do you think I should start?”

So, I told Gretchen what I tell everyone. First, get a physical by a doctor who focuses on perimenopause/menopause, and see where you are. There are some very real health challenges you may be facing that could be resolved through some intervention such as HRT or some other supplements.

And then, you need to find yourself. Not who you were, but who you want to be right now at this moment. I shared this revelation I had a few months ago: “Sometimes I think we arrive at midlife completely depleted so we can find the things we always needed to fill us up.”

These are the supplements I took to start feeling better in midlife.

1. Find some margin space. Sometimes we enter into midlife so burnt out and depleted that the idea of taking on one more task feels like taking out a Jenga piece knowing the tower is about to fall. So, we need to find some blank space on the paper of our lives. For me, that meant pulling back on my personal business quite a bit and setting boundaries on the time I spent working. I recognized that I was spinning my wheels and going nowhere, so I focused on maintaining my business instead of growing it. This freed up some time for me to focus on myself, which changed my mindset. For you, it might mean saying no or pulling back on some other responsibilities, outsourcing a task, or setting some boundaries with people in your life.

It also meant setting some serious boundaries with my phone. I was so tired of losing myself for 45 minutes because I went down a rabbit hole, and feeling worse. I stopped using my phone when I was bored, and started filling my voids with other things instead. Complete game changer.

2. Walk every day. Walking is the most primal thing we do, and yet it is the best thing for our physical, mental, and emotional well-being. It is meditation, therapy, and medicine rolled up into one simple motion and can have an immediate impact on your life.

From Science News Today: “But why is walking so emotionally therapeutic? Part of it is biochemical, but part of it is psychological. Walking provides a rhythm and a sense of movement—both literally and figuratively. It gives your mind a chance to process emotions, to disconnect from screens and stress, and to reconnect with yourself. Walking outside adds another layer of benefit: exposure to natural light, green spaces, and the calming patterns of nature, all of which have been shown to reduce stress hormones.”

As a highly-anxious, deep-feeling, emotionally-charged person, walking is a game changer for me. It helps calm my nervous system and feel less stimulated. It makes me calmer and more optimistic. It’s good for my health.

Sometimes I listen to books, a podcast, or call a friend, but a few times a week I try to take a walk without anything electronic. Just me, my thoughts, and the pavement. As someone who has always tried to fill the silence so I don’t have to think, spending time alone with my thoughts has been the most challenging and rewarding thing I’ve done for myself. It’s allowed me to grow in new ways, resolve issues, and determine what kind of person I want to be.

As Nike says, Just Do It.

3. Read. Hard stop. I spent my 30s and 40s putting my family first, and I have no regrets. Except I entered my 50s burnt out, lost, and with no idea how to spend my time.

As a child, I couldn’t read enough, but over the last 20 years, I read a book for my monthly book club and tried to read some self-help books from time to time, but I stopped reading for pleasure. When the world really got crazy, I found I couldn’t focus. Mostly I just felt like my soul was a dusty bin full of other people’s activities and thoughts. I literally felt like the most uninteresting person in the world.

I didn’t know where to start. What did I even like to read? I didn’t have a clue.

So, I went back to basics. I found a book that I had wanted to read for years but never had the time (The Great Alone by Kristen Hannah.) I gave myself permission to read in the morning or in the afternoon after I finished some work. I found keeping my focus was hard at first, but I kept at it. I often had to go back and re-read sections, and sometimes I really had to hype myself up to sit down and read, often setting a ten-minute timer to get it in.

And eventually, reading became easier and more of a habit. Then, I started craving it, carrying a book or Kindle everywhere. And now, I’m already 25+ books in this year with no end in sight. I filled my Libby list at my local library, set books on hold, and gave myself a budget for books to purchase for the year. I started frequenting local book shops just to browse, and constantly asking anyone I saw reading a book what they were reading and if they liked it. Books are the greatest source of connection.

If I find a book boring, I stop reading it. I no longer berate myself for taking time to read instead of doing a chore. I pick what I find interesting, not what is trending.

But reading is more than a leisure activity—it’s one of the most powerful supplements you can add to your life. It is a cognitive workout that also helps with emotional regulation. As we go through midlife, it is one of the best ways we can rewire our brains, improve our moods, and increase the quality of our lifespans.

I used to be all about audiobooks, and truth be told, I always have at least one at the ready for walking and long car trips, but I’ve found out over the past year that the ONLY time I can get my brain to focus on one thing at a time is when I am sitting down reading a book. I’m positive it’s helped to quiet my mind, improve my focus, and stabilize my moods. There is no better supplement to add to your life in my opinion.

4. Find a hobby. I’ve never really been a hobby-type person. I’m more of a people-person. I like connecting with the people more than the actual thing I’m doing most of the time, so I may not do it by myself.

Except sometimes in midlife, you have to get used to being alone a little bit more, and you don’t want to fill your time doomscrolling on your phone.

This happened to me when I moved and had to start my life over last year. I was constantly confused with the feelings of “Am I lonely or do I just not know what to do when I am alone?”

So, I started supplementing my time trying out some new hobbies and re-engaging with old ones.

I started cooking from scratch again, even if it was only for me and my husband. There was joy to be found in the kitchen when I could cook whatever I wanted. I’m learning to play Mahjong and meeting new people along the way. I’m a regular volunteer at a food bank. I have a list of hikes I want to take in my new area and I love checking them off one by one.

And I read and walk every single day I can.

Now, when someone asks me what I like to do, the words come more easily because I know how I want to supplement my time. I may never be into crocheting or puzzles or pickleball, but having hobbies I love that bring me joy has changed my life in the most wonderful of ways.

5. Maintaining friendships. I get it. Sometimes friendships fade away. Sometimes they abruptly end because of life changes. Sometimes people grow apart. But the best supplement I take is investing in friendships.

It means finding time for a short girls’ trip. Joining a bookclub. Talking to your neighbor. Texting your college besties and finding time for a phone call with a friend you haven’t spoken to in years.

The greatest gift we can give someone in our lives is our time. It is our most valuable resource, and the only thing that truly matters in this life.

You can eat the protein and lift the weights and take the vitamins, but it is often the people in your life and how you choose to spend your time that determines the health of your mind, body, and spirit.

I messed up when Gretchen first reached out. I told her all the ways I was trying to confront midlife head-on, but I didn’t tell her the steps I took to create a life I wanted to live—one I could build around the challenges and that could help me face them in a better way.

I will always share what I know about getting through midlife and menopause with anyone who asks, but if you want to know how I got through some challenging times, how I regained some peace, how I felt more filled with joy?

Well, none of those things came out of a bottle.

Love hard, friends.

-Whitney

I finished Calamity Club yesterday, and I absolutely adored it. Written by Kathryn Stockett, the author of The Help, I highly recommend this book for its character depth, great storytelling, and historical context. I would give it 4.75 stars. While I do feel like the story could be a little shorter, I was never bored and found myself flying through all 600+ pages. I actually miss the characters, something I haven’t felt in awhile.

I’m moving on to Ann Patchett’s Whistler next. Like Kathryn Stockett and Kristen Hannah, I’ll read whatever they come out with simply because I find them beautiful storytellers with likable protagonists.

I’m almost finished with the audiobook This Book Made Me Think of You. Gosh, I am loving this book too. It speaks about grief in such a beautiful, painful, poignant way that I think so many people will relate to, and the fact that it interweaves modern books into the storyline is so endearing. It is an easy read that has broken up some heavier titles for me. Highly recommend (but warning, it does talk about the loss of a spouse.)

Well, Ted Lasso, of course. I don’t want to provide any spoilers, but let me just say seeing my friends Ted, Rebecca, Higgins, and Keeley on my television screen again was like getting a warm hug. This season will look different, but I am confident that Ted and his merry band of weirdos will tackle the tough issues with the same level of empathy, quirky love, and joy that made us all fans the first time around.

I spent the weekend up in the Traverse City, Michigan area, and let me say my mind is blown. Please put Sleeping Bear Dunes on your travel bucket list. The views were extraordinary, but obviously, you’ll need to go in the summer. We also loved exploring the peninsula, and its quaint towns, the amazing eats and shopping in Traverse City, and yes, we played the quintessential round of mini-golf (I only mention this because I had the best 18 holes of my life and crushed my children.) I only bragged for three days.

Next up for me will be three college drop offs. Pray for me.

“Healing is an art. It takes time, it takes practice. It takes love.” – Maza Dohta