An RSS feed of biscuits shared directly from Steve Whiting - Whiteink
- Customer: "I'm finding it really difficult to identify the paint finish I need. Can you help me?" - Sean Connery: "Yesh, indeed. We maintain a databache of paint colour and finish, right here, on thish shpreadsheet." - Customer:…
When ppl ask me about the origin of my crew name, I tend to show them this:
"Order is just chaos exercising patience."
Talk about, slop music. Slop slop, slop music.
- Patient: "Doctor, Doctor! I think I'm turning into Farfalle when, in fact, I'm really only good enough to be Spaghetti." - Doctor: "I see. You have I'm Pasta Syndrome."
- Major Stare: "Major Look." *salutes* - Major Look: "Major Stare." *salutes* - Major Stare: "Major, lose your underwear."
Today, I am all about the faux taupe Olly Murs.
Michael Bublé's name means Michael breast milk.
You see, I can't help but think that all this started to go to rat shit as soon as Dr Snuggles stopped dreaming of a better tomorrow.
- Me: "I went on a training run tonight, out beyond the north of Luton, so that my social media guy could shoot some video for my new kit sponsor." - He: "Asics?" - Me: "No. The A505 out towards Hitchin."
The 3m square on the hypotenuse. The area of the square attached to the longest side of a triangle equals the sum of the areas of the squares on the other two sides.
- Serg: " … " - [time passes] - Serg: "I'm not sure what I'm supposed to be looking at. Is it some kind of burlesque? All I know is that I'm not sure that it's quite the surprise you said you had in store for me when…
I tried to write an anagram that almost spelt disaster.
I said Reverend Spooner's felly smart. He really is one fart smella!
Let's keep it in its proper perspective. x
I before E except after seize. #word
- Advertising Copywriter: "I wrote a line about a mid-day meal but it lacked punch."
IDEA: A liquid face cream for actors that, upon application, turns greasy and gelatinous. I'm naming it Congeal Good ®.
I'm sending you this message via my website, instead of printing it and sending it to you in the mail, because my printer is out of yellow wink. 😉
Knowing how to play truant is a sing of a misspelt youth. #fact
Something's been troubling me for years - perhaps for about 45 years or so, to be more precise. This hasn't been something that's kept me awake, night-after-night, for countless nights; it's been something of a persistent earworm - a bee…
Idea for the rebrand of a snooker hall. Name it Drummond Baize.
- PC Spooner: "Charlie Four, I have eyes on target, pursuing suspect vehicle along coastal road, proceeding north towards Hartlepool. Over." - Control: "Roger, Charlie Four. Redcar?" - PC Spooner: "No, it's a black Audi saloon.…