The Stories We Tell Ourselves

Halfway through the year. Which is kind of wild to think about. It's been a strange one for me. But, just like any sort of time signifier, a birthday, New Year, or halfway through the year, it’s always a good time to reflect on what’s been happening and notice any sort of patterns. And there’s been a lot to notice… Noticing when things feel off, noticing when they start to come back. Noticing when things feel like they are falling into place, and noticing when things feel a bit like trying to understand IKEA instructions.

For a stretch there I felt like I was on a bit of a rollercoaster and wasn’t sure how I was going to feel when I woke up in the next morning. Oftentimes that was unrelated to the project but of course overflowed into it. It’s just been one of those periods where I’ve just felt like I really need to be present to how I’m feeling right now and some days that meant canceling all my plans and just taking care of the things that needed to get done.

June helped a lot. I was able to finally recover from my retreat and also was able to get on the phone with a bunch of amazing people. It’s crazy to look at my list and realize that I have over 150 people who have applied at this point with more coming in every day. Lots of amazing stories coming. Things feel like they’re clicking again and that feels really good after a month or so of just feeling a little flat. It’s just a constant reminder of this saying one of my teachers often mentioned, “Right now, it’s like this.” And right now, things feel good. That doesn’t mean it’ll stay that way forever. Maybe a day, maybe a week, maybe a month. Everything is always in flux. Everything is impermanent.

I’m heading out to see family this week. As some of you know, my dog Jackson is nearly 19 years old and because of him I’ve really pulled back on travel over the last couple years. So for the past couple of years I only get to see the majority of my family once a year. I’m really looking forward to taking a few days off. It’s different when you take time off to relax and spend time with family vs taking time off to do a meditation retreat.

As we head into the second half of the year there’s a lot of really big and important milestones ahead. The 100th anonymous call, the two year anniversary of the podcast and the three year anniversary of the voicemail being launched and essentially the start of this whole thing. It shouldn’t be a surprise that these events coincide with a lot of death themed holidays. I intentionally launched the project on Day of the Dead 2023. I’m really excited to introduce some new things in the coming months and continue to see where this project grows.

No expectations. Just allowing for wherever this takes me.

SHORT STORY

The Egg by Andy Weir

It should come as no surprise but once again The Egg came up in another call. It’s been referenced a few times and is really a wonderful story. And REALLY ties to this weeks call. If you haven’t read it by now I highly suggest you do. It’s a really interesting take on life after death and what the point of life is in general. It’s a quick read! (~5-6 minutes)

QUOTE

Towards the end of the call the caller mentions that even though they are strong in their beliefs, there is still some fear that they could be wrong and end up in hell. It's a really interesting turning point in the call and it made me think of one of my favorite reads from the past couple of years:

“It seems odd to me now that, after so long, I still focus on a time so brief as to be but a fraction of an instant in the time I will be here, but so powerfully has that instant rooted into me that I hold onto it with a hopeless desperation.”

A Short Stay in Hell by Steven L. Peck.

NOTE

I’ve been going down a bit of a rabbit hole the last few months around non-duality. I came to it through Buddhism but the teacher I’ve been learning from has more broad approach (although he does have a Zen background). It’s one of those things where the more you pull at it the more it unravels in the best possible way.

The visual that I’ve been using is to imagine a rubber band ball. Each rubber band is a different identity structure, a personality trait, a story I’ve been telling myself, a role I play. And the idea, at least for me, is removing them one by one.

And that process leads to one really interesting question. What’s at the center? Is there something there at all? And, I would assume, that answer plays a big part in what one thinks happens when we die.

ARTICLE

One Electron Theory

This is probably one of the wildest parts of the call and something I still need to dig into. The caller talks about the One Electron Theory. I’m not going to even try to explain it myself because I just don’t think I’d do it justice. Instead, I’m just going to leave this article here for you to enjoy (and to remind me to read it as well!).

THIS WEEK’S CALL

Anonymous #40 — Does It Matter What You Believe About Death, As Long As You Actually Believe It? (Listen Here)

Episode Type: Facing the Question. For more info about what this means check out the Episode Guide (link)

READING

My quest to finish The Iliad and The Odyssey before the movie comes out is complete with a few weeks to spare. It reminded me that when I was reading the Iliad I came across a Reddit thread (you know the nice part of the internet!) where someone was asking about which version of The Odyssey to read before the movie came out. And the most popular comment chastised the person for wanting to read the book to “prepare for the movie.”

It feels wild to live in a world where we actively tell others to not read. So, I’ll instead say, please read. I see it as a form of meditation. You have to be present, you can’t do ten things while you read, and it’s so much better than doomscrolling. It’s one of the most important things I’ve done for myself over the past few years.

Just finished: Siddhartha by Hermann Hesse

Currently: Pilgrim at Tinker Creek by Annie Dillard

On deck: The Count of Monte Cristo by Alexandre Dumas, The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying by Sogyal Rinpoche

(And if you are really curious you can always check out what I’ve read recently here)

QUESTION

The caller mentions they aren’t afraid to die. But then in the same breath, the acknowledgment that this might just be a lie they’re telling themselves.

Because how do you actually know? How do you know if what you believe is something you’ve genuinely arrived at or just something that makes the weight of all of this a little easier to carry? And I don’t just mean death. I mean everything. The way you talk about your relationships, your work, your health, the way you’re spending your time. At some point the line between listening to yourself and telling yourself a comfortable story gets really blurry.

For those of you devout in your faith (religious or otherwise) how do you know if your relationship with death is something you've actually made peace with, or is just something that just makes you feel comfortable?

SMILE

I do find talking about the weather to be one of the most boring things in the world (although a winemaker once told me that it’s their favorite thing to talk about because it’s so important for them so to each their own!). But, the weather has turned back to rain here in Oregon and I couldn’t be happier.

I could definitely go for a string of partly cloudy seventy degree days but there is something special about the rain and I love the fact that everything is always green up here (without humidity). So, I spent a few moments this week just sitting and listening to the rain. This is an older recording but the sound of rain in my backyard (and maybe a few moments of the dogs eating their food).

Have a good life.

— Z

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