“Fake it ‘til you make it” is advice I’ve absorbed since I was old enough to process the plot of animated Disney movies: Aladdin faked it as Prince Ali; Cinderella attended the ball; Mulan disguised herself as a male soldier—my earliest role models, faking it like champions.
From Sandra Bullock playing a clumsy FBI agent who goes undercover in a beauty pageant in Miss Congeniality, to Mike falsifying his Harvard law school graduation then solving high-profile legal cases in Suits, I love a good fake-it-til-you-make-it storyline.
While the “someone’s pretending to be someone they are not” plot makes for compelling works of fiction, this week I was reminded of just how powerful “faking” it can be in real life.
An important distinction: in all of the examples I mentioned above, someone was lying.
Deception makes for suspense (what’s going to happen when the princess discovers he’s not really a prince????), but what I want to talk about isn’t a con.
You’re in these situations for a reason…it’s because you have something to give.
Right now, I’m flying home from Charleston, South Carolina, where I was asked to speak on a panel with two of the most famous food creators in the business, Lindsey from Pinch of Yum (I literally fan-girled the first time I met her) and Liz from Tastes Better From Scratch, one of the most mega food websites ever to exist.
I totally get why those powerhouse women belonged on stage, but…me?
At first I was thrilled to be included, then I started to panic.
This event was going to be attended by the top-tier food creators in the entire business: we’re talking millions (upon millions) of social media followers and website readers.
Meanwhile, lately I’ve been feeling like no one watches my Instagram besides my mom.
Surely, the attendees were going to look up at the stage, see the three of us, then exchange knowing glances and silently agree: “What’s she doing up there?”
This feeling—that of being an imposter—is not new.
As I was preparing for the panel, I kept returning to one of my strongest memories of it.
It was nine years ago, and I had somehow landed a phone call with one of the most prominent, successful literary agents in the business (hi, Janis!).
She’d taken my call as a courtesy to one of her other clients, and I assumed that once she heard my piddly website and social media numbers, I’d never hear from her again.
Instead, she told me she wanted to schedule a second call. She liked me, and she liked my idea. We eventually signed a contract. I thought I was going to pass out.
You’d think signing with a heavyweight agent would have helped me feel less like an imposter, but it didn’t.
Anytime I emailed her during the four years I spent writing my first cookbook, I thought I was annoying her at best, looking stupid and naive at worst.
Here we are 9 years later, and she and I regularly exchange travel tips and political rants over email. We’ve gone for drinks, dinner, and Ben and I even spent an afternoon at her lovely home in Provence. She’s a trusted advisor and friend.
So, what changed?
I started acting like I deserved to work with her. I wrote a best-selling cookbook because I knew that is what great authors represented by great agents have to do.
I did the thing before I believed the thing, not after. Then, because I grit my teeth and did it, I began to believe it.
I’ve had so many “who, ME?” moments like this in my career.
From appearing on Good Morning America (twice!), to magazine features, to forming close friendships with many of the first food bloggers I looked up to, sometimes life gives you things you don’t believe you deserve.
So, might I be the first to suggest: you deserve it.
Don’t believe me? Fake it ‘til you make it!
Imposter syndrome is so real.
As humans, we seek validation and belonging. When you’re presented with a huge opportunity, like speaking on a panel in front of some of the most important people in your line of business, it’s natural to look around and wait for someone to tell you that you belong.
But here’s what I’ve finally realized: the opportunity IS the validation.
The next time you feel like you don’t belong in the room, stand up a little taller and remind yourself that there’s a reason you walked through the door in the first place.
The morning of my panel, I blasted confidence-boosting music (an upbeat Taylor Swift pop mix, if you must know), looked myself in the mirror, and told myself I belonged.
I told myself I was going to march right up there and act like someone who knows what she is talking about and who deserves to lead her peers.
Thoughts are powerful, even when you don’t 100% buy into them at first.
By the time we walked on stage, I felt less like a poser and more like a professional. I jumped to answer the first question, and overall, just really relaxed and enjoyed the conversation.
Afterwards, I heard from several attendees that they’d found the panel really valuable. While I’ll be the first to credit my fellow speakers for the bulk of the good advice, I was proud to have shared a nugget or two in front of an incredibly impressive room.
Is there a time when you’ve had to “fake it till you make it” or tell yourself that you belonged, even when you lacked confidence? Has imposter syndrome ever held you back? Tell me in the comments!
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