Guilt. It’s often there, as an unschooling parent - am I doing enough? How else could I be showing up for my kids? Driving to one more activity, setting up more time with friends, strewing more books, offering and supporting one more online class, or even just more time for long walks and conversations.
In many ways, it was easier for me when we were eclectic homeschooling. We were never that great with schedules, but to the extent that we mostly followed a plan, I felt like I had met my obligation for education with each tidy box checked. The rest of the day we could just be.
The issue then was that I saw how the “just being” part of the day was often so much richer than the curriculums I tried to navigate us through.
My son worked his way through all the “Crash Course” videos for the joy of it, while my daughter wrote an entire book. Those things were easier to value than endless hours of Minecraft, but when I joined them there, I saw the value in that too. They weren’t just “on a screen” to me, any more than I think of myself as being just “on a screen” when I’m creating a presentation, messaging a friend, or researching my latest topic of interest.
I started valuing the process of learning and not measuring the producible outcomes.
We’ve been living this way for years now—doubling down on seeing value in what they value. Asking to join their worlds (literally and figuratively—I’ve spent a disproportionate amount of time proving how hopeless I am in their digital spaces) rather than seeking to drag them into standard expectations.
They continue to surprise me, over and over again. “How do you know that?” I often want to ask—but I don’t. We just continue on with the conversation about books or history, climate change and current events.
They’re full people and they have been from the start. It’s not actually my job to educate them, in terms of something I do to them. I’m learning with them, advocating for them, and often just along for the ride.
Coming up in May, check out this live webinar! Along with my friends and fellow adult PDAers Molly Herold, Mady Snyder, and Heidi Wheeler, I’ll be presenting on PDA across the life span. https://neuroabundant.com/courses/
No posts
Comments
Nothing yet. Say the first thing.
Sign in to join the conversation.