Reading · Wandering Brightly

Hello friends!

I have another poem to share today. I swear, I never know what my brain is going to churn out in the middle of the night. I’m sure some of my fellow ADHDers and perimenopause club members can relate.

This poem is partially about those middle of the night wakeups, and partially about the chaos I find myself in these days, torn between my work and caregiving roles (both of which I treasure, it’s just a lot!).

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Firefly Hours
I haven’t written poetry since college—
The last time I had both suffering and the quiet time to pour it on a page
But now, thanks to perimenopause,
I have the 2am gap
When my mind is wide awake
But I wish my body were asleep
So rather than rousing it fully
I lay under my covers
And pretend
If I dictate into my phone
I’ll have enough energy for tomorrow—No, today.
The thing is, I feel brilliant at 2am
In the quiet dark world
Where NO ONE WILL INTERRUPT ME
Wild, that.
First time in sixteen years—
Since I became a mother.
Gods.
I have loved all the sticky hands moments of motherhood
From the tiny palms pulling at my neckline
To LEGO underfoot
And art materials everywhere
And now these teen years
Where nothing is as it seemed
And I’m guiding them
Through the dark
Sometimes without a light
Maybe a jar of fireflies can brighten our way
Or is that animal cruelty?
I once thought they were just like me
Especially my daughter
And of course they are not
They are their own people
With their own paths to follow
And maybe I’m not out in front with that jar after all
But instead walking right beside them
And relying on wild lightning bugs to guide us
And isn’t that just right?
Tiny motes in an infinite universe
Them, and us too
I need to lean in more to the cosmos
To keep us and all of this in perspective
I am far from the first
To live
This aching dance of letting go
To love
And what more could I ask for?

Sticking with the insect theme, I hope you’ll consider getting a ticket for the upcoming 2026 Yellow Ladybugs Conference! I’ll be speaking about my experiences as a late-identified Autistic adult, and how those experiences have shaped my role as a consultant and educator focused on autonomy-supportive practices. This is my favorite conference all year and I’m so excited to share it with all of you.

May be an image of text that says 'yellow LADYBUGS 2-4 2-4JUNE JUNE 2026 CONFERENCE TORLA MEET Marnina Marnina Kammersell she/her Marni Kammersell is a late-identified Autistic researcher, writer, and consultant who supports families in creating neuro-affirming learning environments. Her doctoral research focuses on family resilience and how autonomy-supportive environments foster growth and well-being. With over 15 years of experience in alternative education, Marni draws on both research and lived experience to support neurodivergent youth and their families. Her greatest teachers are her own three children, who have never been to school. www.ylbconference.com.au'

I want to hear about chaos and creativity in your lives! Do you have the “first” and “second” sleep thing going on too? It’s maddening, but also sort of interesting and often weirdly productive.

Firefly Hours

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